A Love Stronger than Death
by Decadebaby
Summary: A future fic that leads the Dankos down a difficult path.
1. Chapter 1

_I have found it is easy to slip inside a story when real life is a little bit intense, but sometimes real life slips into my stories. This story is for all who fight. No one fights alone._

***R***

Mike Danko's world had a clear dividing line right down the middle. Two diverse sections - male versus female. Although more and more women were joining the force these days, work was clearly male dominated. It was the land of men. His home, however, was most decidedly female. He was completely outnumbered there. One wife, three daughters and even the dog was a girl.

It was the best of both worlds. At work, he could be his savage self - didn't have to edit his language, or discuss his feelings. At home, he was enveloped in loving softness. Three big-eyed daughters who ran to the door to greet him with kisses and hugs; and one unbelievably beautiful wife to guide him through the maze of emotions that came with a house filled with four women.

He swung open the door of his house to be greeted by a small five-year-old fairy dripping in pink and purple.

"Daddy!" She cried jumping up, expecting to be caught.

"A fairy! How wonderful! Oh! I wish that Lizzie were here. She just loves fairies!" He said lifting her up.

"It's me Daddy!" Lizzie said laughing.

"Oh! I didn't recognize you! I thought you were a real fairy." He carried her inside. "Where's mama?"

Lizzie pointed to the kitchen. He carried her through the house to where Jill was cooking.

"Mama! Mama! Daddy thought I was a real fairy!" Lizzie said laughing, as Mike entered the kitchen.

"I told you." Jill said laughing. "Hey sweetheart, how was your day?"

"Oh, the usual." He said kissing her cheek. He set Lizzie down and seeing the dog, she chased after it. The dog, who had good survival sense, ran out of the room with Lizzie in pursuit.

Mike opened the refrigerator and pulled out a soda. He opened it and leaned against the counter.

"Anything exciting happen today?" He asked taking a sip.

"Depends on how you feel about laundry." She said with a smile. "Oh, but Amy has news, but I'll let her tell you."

"Her team win?"

"I'm not saying. Ask her." She said grinning at him.

"How much time I got?" He asked.

"Enough for a shower. Eddie's coming too." She said turning back to the stove.

"Okay." He moved to stand behind her wrapping his arms around her. She leaned against him and he whispered. "Everything's going to be okay." He kissed her cheek softly.

"Mike," She said stepping away and swallowing down hidden tears. "You _promised_."

"I know." He said huskily. He drew in a deep breath. "I'll go take that shower." He turned to leave, setting the soda down. She turned back to the stove and he stood for a brief minute watching her, flooded with about ten thousand memories of her, and fighting the fear in his heart.

"Michael . . ." She admonished without turning around. "I can't manage . . . I have to get this dinner on and Eddie's coming tonight . . ."

"Yeah, Babe, sorry." He said sighing. "I'm going."

He went down the hall and stopped to peer inside the first bedroom. "Hey, there girls."

"Hi Dad!" They said looking up. Kate sat at her desk looking entirely too grown up. At nine, the third grader took her homework very seriously. She pushed her long dark hair away from her face; a move that never failed to make him think of Jill, and smiled.

"Dad! Did Mommy tell you about my game?" Eight year old Amy asked from where she sat on the floor playing with a half-dressed Barbie doll.

"No! How did it go?" He asked her.

"We won! We won! That means we made it to finals! And it was really close." Her deep brown eyes grew wide.

"Amy scored the winning goal!" Kate said excitedly. "You should have seen it! It was tied and then BAM! She kicked it right past eight girls!"

"It wasn't eight. It was maybe two girls." Amy said shaking her head at her older sister.

They had discovered they were pregnant again when Kate was just seven months old, and once they had recovered from the shock, they accepted that they would have two babies in diapers. Looking back on it now, they were both grateful. Just sixteen months apart, Kate and Amy had a strong bond and nearly always got along. Of course, when they _didn't_ get along - it wasn't pretty.

"Good job!" Mike said kissing Amy's cheek. "I wish I could have seen it."

"That's okay. You'll come to the big game, won't you?"

"Of course." He said. "No matter what."

"Good." She smiled and turned back to the Barbie doll in her hands.

He left their room and continued down the hall to the master bedroom, but Kate followed him.

"Daddy?" She asked her voice soft.

"What?" He turned to her, smiling.

All the girls looked like Jill. They had long legs and were so skinny that Jill had to pin the waste bands on their pants. They had brown hair which both Liz and Kate wore long, and Amy, who couldn't be bothered with things like brushing her hair wore hers in a short bob. Kate and Amy, shared Jill's beautiful brown eyes, but Lizzie had surprised them with piercing blue eyes.

"Mom was . . ." She studied the ground, digging her toe into the carpet.

"Hey, honey," He asked, pulling her close to him. "What's wrong?"

"I thought I heard Mom crying today? What's the matter?" She asked.

He sighed heavily, kissing the top of her head. "Don't you worry about Mama. That's _my_ job." He said hugging her close.

"But . . ."

"Everything's alright, Katie Bug. Don't worry." He said again.

She looked up at him with wise brown eyes, and with a smile turned back to her bedroom. He wasn't sure if it was because she'd been born first, or just Kate's nature, but she was a wonderful mirror of Jill. She was always looking for ways to take care of everyone around her, and was an excellent judge of her mother's emotions. In fact, it was almost impossible to hide anything from her. She seemed to have a sixth sense.

Of course, their worry and edginess weren't all that well hidden. He knew all the girls could sense something was going on, but hoped they could keep things at bay until . . .he sighed again trying to shake his own rising tide of fear and panic. He stepped into the shower, a safe haven of sorts. He let the water run over him knowing it would hide any tears that fell.

***R***

"Amy!" Jill admonished her daughter. "For heaven's sake, sit at your own chair. Grandpa can't eat if you are sitting on his lap."

Kissing Eddie Ryker's cheek, Amy hopped down and returned to her own chair.

"Well, it isn't like I'm wasting away over here." Eddie said with a wink at Jill, patting his stomach.

"She's just trying to get out of eating her broccoli." Kate said.

"A nearly effective plan." He said with a nod. "Too bad your Mama's onto you, Amy."

"Living with a cop for sixteen years some things rub off." Jill said with a shrug, lifting her wine glass and taking a sip.

It caught Eddie's eye. "I can't remember the last time I saw you with a glass of wine."

Jill shrugged. "Tough day, I guess."

They had all cut back after Chris had finally gone to rehab. His drinking had cost him his marriage, and nearly his career. It had caused all of them to pause and reflect on whether or not they relied on a beer or two or eight, to counteract a bad day. Mike had been frightened by the way Chris had become so destroyed by it all. He understood it. They'd seen some terrible things and sometimes a beer or two helped you sleep, but he didn't want to fall into that hole. He couldn't risk a life with his family behind him. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had a beer.

"I thought you only worked Wednesdays and Thursdays." Ryker said.

"Tough day just the same. You know how laundry gets to you." She said with a laugh.

"Oh, socks are the worst." He agreed.

"Number one cause of domestic disturbances." Mike agreed said with a light laugh, but he reached over and squeezed Jill's hand tightly.

It caught Eddie Ryker's eye. He knew Mike and Jill Danko well. They were family to him. He never could have imagined that he would end up here when they'd started the program all those years ago. Let's build a new breed of cop, they'd told him and he'd reluctantly agreed. He'd been unsure that these "do gooders" as they were mocked, could be effective officers, but he'd never know a better cop than Mike Danko. But it was Mrs. Danko who had completely done him in. She was just stubborn enough to keep trying to include him in their dinners and barbecues that he'd finally acquiesced. It had been downhill from there. And pretty soon, he found himself thinking of all of them as his family. Now, his life was so tangled up in theirs he couldn't imagine a life without them. They _were_ his family, and something was wrong.

Later, after the girls had settled in to watch some tv, he'd gone out onto the back patio where Mike was standing staring at the sky.

"What's going on?" Ryker asked.

"Oh!" Mike said startled. "Just enjoying the sunset."

"You don't look like you are enjoying anything." He observed. "That isn't what I meant. What's going on?"

"Not just now, Eddie." Mike said slowly, cautiously. "We . . ."

"Okay." Eddie said reaching up and squeezing Mike's shoulder. "You'll tell me?"

"If I have too." Mike said, his voice heavy with wariness. "But could you pick the girls up tomorrow? I'll leave the wagon. Jill and I . . .well, can you pick the girls up?"

"Yeah, of course." Eddie had a thousand questions, but he said nothing. He sighed and looked back inside and could see Jill leaning close to Kate, answering a question. Satisfied, Kate smiled and skipped away, but Jill stayed where she was looking out into space, her expression completely unreadable.

Something was most definitely wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

_Two weeks earlier,_

The evening had promised near perfection. Mike had a horrible day at work; standing beside two parents as they identified the body of their eleven year old son, who'd run away from home two days earlier. The wife, a short, chubby blond woman fell to the ground weeping bitterly. She bore no earthly resemblance to Jill but had reminded Mike of her all the same.

"Now is when I really miss drinking." Chris said to him as they watched the couple stagger outside.

"I'm thinking of trying my hand at it. How much did rehab cost?"

"Megan and the boys." Chris answered bitterly. "Oh, you meant money."

"Never mind." Mike said regretting speaking. Sobriety was a definite improvement, but Chris now had a sharp edge.

"Sorry, man." Chris said. "Just remember what a mean drunk I was. This is an improvement."

"It was a stupid thing to say." Mike said.

"Don't worry about." Chris sighed. "Some days are a real son of a bitch."

"Got that right."

"I gotta go. I got a meeting tonight. Go home and put yours arms around Jill. At least you aren't going home to an empty studio apartment."

"Come over after your meeting." Mike said.

"No. Be with your family. I'm gonna call the boys when I get home. Maybe CJ will talk to me this time."

***R***

The second he stepped into the warmth of home, Mike was overwhelmed with gratitude for his family. He found himself on dangerous ground; filled with stormy emotions that threatened to surface. He had played Barbies with the girls for over an hour when he'd got home, taken out the trash, set the table and offered to do the dishes. Jill knew something was up; but then again, he couldn't hide anything from her any more. She knew him too well. As he cleared the table, she watched him out of the corner of her eye.

"Bad day?" She asked.

"Not anymore." He said kissing her. She had expected a quick kiss, but ignoring a chorus of groans from their daughters, he'd pulled her tightly to him and kissed her deeply.

"Daaaad!" Kate had complained. "Do you mind?"

He'd broken away from the kiss, his arms still around Jill who was laughing, her hands on his shoulders.

"Yeah, I mind." He said to Kate. "I'm trying to kiss your Mama. Quit bugging me."

Laughing still, Jill stepped out of his arms. "Homework." She directed them through the familiar evening ritual: homework, baths, books and bed. He'd read to them - they were working their way through _The Indian in the Cupboard_. Then he'd tucked them into bed grateful that they were here and safe, and all the while trying to erase the image of a small boy laid out on a cold, metal table.

He went back out front and found Jill sitting in the oversized chair waiting for him.

"How many chapters did you read?" She asked, setting aside the medical book she'd been studying.

"Three." He said distractedly, trying to keep his emotions at bay. The memory of Lizzie snuggled down under her purple blanket, clutching her stuffed bunny a sharp contrast to the broken body of the boy he'd seen earlier in the day. He found himself unable to stay focused on much of anything.

"Hey, sweetheart, what happened?" But lost in thought, he didn't hear her.

"Mike?" She said louder. "Mike! Come here." She held her hand out to him, and he finally turned to her. He'd grabbed onto her hand, kissing her palm, as she pulled him down beside her. She wrapped her arms around him. "Hey, tell me." She whispered softly, running her long fingers through his thick hair.

"They found that run away. He was dead." HIs eyes misted over and exhaled slowly. "And Chris and I got to take his parents to the morgue, so . . ."

"Oh! His poor mother." Jill ran soft fingers over his cheek. "Poor Mike."

He said nothing closing his eyes and relaxing in her embrace. He could feel his tension ebb slowly away as she softly kissed his cheek.

"You are such a good man." She said softly.

"I love you, Baby." He said huskily opening his eyes and locking onto hers. And he was overwhelmed by how much her comfort and love healed him. He let a few tears slide out, safe in her arms. He'd leaned in and kissed her then, sliding a hand up inside her shirt.

It was sliding his hands over the familiar curves of her body that he felt it. And right then in that instant, everything changed

He sat up from her abruptly.

"Babe, what is that?" He'd asked.

"You want the medical term?" She'd asked laughing and confused. "Because I don't really approve of any of the nicknames you've given them."

"No, Baby." He had said seriously. "That bump."

"Where?" She'd asked concerned and he'd guided her hand to the spot.

"There." He said. "That wasn't there before."

"You sure?"

"I'm pretty familiar with the territory. "

She ran her fingers over it again. "It's probably just a cyst." Seeing his face she added. "I'll have Dr. Meehan check it out. Quit worrying, Mike."

"Promise me." He'd said seriously. She had a bad habit of skipping doctor's appointments.

"Calm down, sweetheart."

"Jillian Elizabeth." His voice was stern.

"I promise, alright. Quit over-reacting!" She sat up and moved away from him clearly angry.

"Hey," He'd said reaching for her hand. "Baby. . ."

But she was too mad. "You pretty much killed the mood, Michael." She rose and disappeared in the kitchen. He'd let her go knowing her anger was her standard cover for fear. Something pricked at the back of his mind. An old memory from one of their first dates.

_"What about your parents?" He asked._

_"They're gone." She said softly._

_"I'm sorry." He said shocked. _

_"Mom got sick when I was five. She died just before I turned six. And Dad had a heart attack when I was twelve."_

At the time he'd been distracted by her beauty - desperate to convince her to sleep with him. He'd only half listened to the story.

Now, concerned, he followed her into the kitchen.

"Jill, you said your mom got sick. What did she die of?" He couldn't believe that in sixteen years he had never asked.

"Mike!" She spat out angrily. "I'm already pretty ticked off! Don't push it!"

"What was it?" He asked again.

"I don't know! I was six! Jesus! Leave it alone." She was furious.

"Is that why . . .God! I'm the slowest person on earth! Is that why you became a nurse? You said that it was an aptitude test in high school. You lied to me!" He was shocked that she had hidden so much from him.

"I didn't lie." She said through gritted teeth. "I just . . .I was really little. Do you remember being six? The doctors were mean. They wouldn't talk to me, and then one of them came and said she was dead. But the nurses were kind. There was one nurse - she had red hair, and she talked to me and explained that my mom was just too sick. She explained that they couldn't fix her, and that there wasn't anything anyone could do to change it." She sighed. "She must have sat with me for an hour. She wanted to make sure I understood that it wasn't my fault. I don't think it was a conscious decision, Mike."

"Baby," He said gently, filled with compassion for the six-year old Jill. "And now you're the kind of nurse who would take the time to . . ." He stopped himself. "But you never asked your father what she died of?"

"I didn't get the chance. By the time I was old enough to really wonder and understand, Dad was dead, and Aunt Lou had already begun to slide downhill." She turned away from him. "Mike, it's probably a cyst. It's probably nothing!" She raised her voice slightly, frustrated.

"I'm just . . .Babe, you're a nurse! You understand why it's kind of a big deal. I'm just saying if you've got a family history of . . ."

"Michael!" She shouted, cutting him off. "Shut up! Are you trying to ruin the night by making me mad?"

"You aren't mad." He said gently and stepping closer to her.

"Don't tell me how I feel." She shook a long finger at him, but as her arm stretched forward he caught her wrist, pulling her into his arms. She fought against him briefly but then melted against him, clinging tightly.

"Everything is gonna be alright." He whispered into her hair.

"You don't know that." She said back and he could hear the fear in her voice.

"It's probably just a cyst." He repeated her words back to her. She buried her face in his shoulder, saying nothing for a long minute.

"Baby, it's gonna be alright. Shh. It'll be alright."

"I'm pretty sure, Mom died of cancer. Amanda thinks it was breast cancer." Her voice was so soft.

"Baby, shh." He soothed, rubbing gentle circles on her back.

"Don't let go." Her voice was so soft he'd almost missed it.

"Not in a million years, Baby. Not ever."

***R***

_Two weeks later . . ._

Mike sat in the uncomfortable chair, holding tightly to Jill's hand and trying to absorb everything that Dr. Meehan was saying, but he found it hard to hear the doctor's voice over the pounding of his heart.

"What?" He asked. "What did you say? I . . . I . . . Could you repeat it?"

"We can schedule the meeting with the oncologist tomorrow." Dr. Meehan said but Mike couldn't hold on all the words - distracted by just one.

Oncologist.

Jill

He glanced over at Jill who sat beside him stoically, her face a mask.

"Is Dr. Peterson available?" She asked.

"I thought you would ask for him. He said he'd make room in his schedule. 10:15 okay?"

"We will be there." Mike said quickly.

"You have to be in court tomorrow." Jill said calmly. "Remember? You have to testify."

"10:15 is fine." Mike repeated.

"Michael, you . . ."

"Jillian." He said sharply, cutting her off.

"I'll let Ben know." Dr. Meehan said evenly. "Look, this is a shock, I know. You need to take things slow. You can have my office as long as you need." He stood up and put a hand on Jill's shoulder. "The statistics are really good, Jill."

She nodded her head silently as Dr. Meehan shook Mike's hand.

"I wish I had better news." He said to them and stepped out, closing the door behind him.

"We better go. The girls will be out soon and . . ."

"Eddie's picking them up. I asked him last night." Mike turned to look at her.

"What did you tell him?"

"Nothing. I just asked him to pick up the girls."

"Amy's got soccer at four." She said running a hand through her hair.

"Amy can talk for herself." He said watching her. She had stood up, ready to rush out and now she stood near a bookshelf, unsure.

He couldn't remember anymore what life without her was like. They had been together so long and through so much. He could tell her moods by the way she held her shoulders or the movement of her hands. When she got nervous she fussed with her hair, or acted angry or just worked her way through a vast list of endless chores.

He rose slowly, knowing she would probably push him away, but he didn't care. He needed to feel her soft, thin body in his arms; to hear the familiar beating of her heart.

He moved to wrap his arms around her and was surprised when she didn't struggle. He held her closely to him, feeling his whole body beginning to shake.

"Mike?" She whispered softly.

"I'm right here, Baby." He said fighting tears. "It's okay, Babe. It's okay. Everything is going to be alright."

He could feel how terrified she was, and knew he needed to say something, but the words made him feel like a liar; how could he promise that everything was going to be alright? Things weren't alright, now.


	3. Chapter 3

Terry Webster shook his head slowly, as he watched the latest group of recruits run through the simulation. He let a long, slow sigh.

"Rookies." A voice near him said with disdain.

"You're here! Just in time." Terry said reaching out and hugging Mike Danko. "Wanna help me shoot some boys who think they know everything?"

"Oh, it'd be my pleasure." Mike said with a grin. Laughing Terry handed him a paint gun, and led him down a hallway to where the simulation was still running. They burst in through a side door, and plastered the four rookies who stood with their backs to the door with bright green paint. Stunned, the young men turned around to face their instructor as Terry hit the light switch.

"Congratulations boys, you are all dead." He said with a grin. "You are the saddest group of recruits that I have ever had the misfortune of training. Can anyone explain what just happened?"

They stood silent, heads down in corporate shame.

"You wanna tell 'em?" Terry asked Mike.

"I guess. Shouldn't they have figured it out by now? It's kind of obvious."

"You'd think, but I remember this one time when you . . ."

"I'll tell 'em." Mike said cutting him off. "Never, ever turn your back to a closed door. What if two fellas with guns are on the other side? You might just get shot. And _all_ four of you are standing in one spot? Didn't he teach you anything?" He turned to Terry. "Is it their first day? I could understand it if it was their first day."

"Fifth week." Terry said with a weary sigh.

"Man! Really? They need to seriously take a look at that tactical guide." He looked around at them. "Seriously, you got wives or girlfriends? Do them a favor: Study hard. Don't sleep. Don't eat. Study. They don't want you dead."

"Go back to the beginning. We'll reset. You got ten minutes to figure out what you need to do differently. And I do NOT appreciate you behaving like a bunch of idiots in front of my friend. But don't worry, you'll make it up to me later." Terry said shaking his head. "Go on! Get out!"

They watched them go, and then Terry led Mike back to the control room, and turning to another man said, "Alright, Pete. They are all yours. Good luck. And make them do an extra run through PT tonight. Hopefully, they'll start listening."

"They haven't listened yet, but we'll give it a go." Pete said with a laugh.

"Come on." Terry said and led Mike down a hall to his office.

"Want something to drink?" He asked settling into a chair.

"Nah, man. I got a message you wanted to see me. Something going on?" He asked.

"You tell me. Jill called me." Terry looked up at Mike who froze at his words and then ran a hand over his face before sinking into a chair.

"What'd she say?" Mike asked cautiously.

"That I should check in with you." Terry said watching Mike carefully. "She sounded pretty worried."

Mike shook his head. "Worried. She makes me crazy. Everything going on and she's worried about _me_. She won't even talk about . . ." He let out a long slow sigh. "She's so stubborn! I told her . . ." He sputtered. He put his head down, studying the square of carpet under his feet. He found himself fighting tears.

"Hey, Mike." Terry said, his voice laced with concern. "Man, what is it? You aren't in trouble? You and Jill are solid, right?"

"Yeah," His voice was thick. "We're solid. I'm not in trouble." He looked up to meet Terry's eyes. "Jill is."

"What's going on?"

"About a three weeks ago, I was . . ." He hesitated trying to determine how to explain it. "We found a lump. She had a lump."

"What are you talking? What do you mean?"

"There was a lump in her breast." Mike said flatly, meeting Terry's eyes.

"Wha . . ." Terry's eyes grew wide. "What did the doctor say?"

Mike rose and crossed Terry's office, standing at the window, looking out at the new recruits running across the academy grounds.

"It feels like a hundred years ago, doesn't it? We thought we knew everything too. We thought we'd change the whole damn world."

He turned to look at Terry. "We were just like them; just as stupid - just as sure." He turned back to the window.

"Mike?" Terry rose and moved to stand beside him. "What about Jill?"

"She's too good for me. I knew it from the first date; from the first second I laid eyes on her, actually. She's so smart, and I don't know anyone who cares more than her. She's good at everything she does. And God, she's so damn beautiful! You ever seen anyone that beautiful in real life? She could be a movie star. I don't know why she said yes. I don't. I try hard, but she deserves more."

"She loves you." Terry said simply.

"I can't figure why. She worries all the time - all the time. But she doesn't complain and she's never asked me to quit. She'd be so happy if I did." He looked up at Terry. "You are ten times the husband I am. You took this job because then Beth wouldn't have to worry anymore. I couldn't do it. I couldn't give up what I loved; not even for her."

"She wouldn't want you to give it up. You know that. Mike? What's wrong?" Terry asked again.

"Do you miss it?" Mike asked turning to Terry.

"I don't know." Terry said with a sigh. "Somedays, I guess. But it got too hard. The world turned dark. I couldn't balance it. I didn't want to end up like Chris. I had to change something. The last case, with that little girl, it still tears me up. I couldn't turn it off. It wasn't only because of Beth. It was me, too." He looked at Mike. "What is it?"

"I should quit. Maybe she'd . . ." He ran a hand through his hair. "Remember when I got shot and they grabbed her? You remember that?"

"Yeah, man. I remember." Terry said slowly trying to follow Mike's train of thought.

"I woke up in that hospital bed, and I tried to get up, and go out. It took three orderlies and two doctor's to hold me down. They had me strapped down, until they got some valium in my system. I felt so helpless. I still dream about it sometimes; her screaming for me."

"We found her. She was alright."

"This is like that. I feel just as helpless." He said his eyes filling with tears. "I can't do anything to help her. She needs . . ." He choked down a sob. "And I don't know how to talk to the girls . . . I don't know how to say it." He looked up at Terry, who had stepped in front of him.

"Hey, man. You can tell me. What is it? What's wrong?" He asked his hands on Mike's shoulders.

"She has cancer." Mike said at last. "Breast cancer."

***R***

Mike Danko sat at the table waiting for Terry Webster in the nearly empty restaurant. When they were younger it was popular and busy place, but over time it had become run down. Mike lifted his glass draining his beer.

"You call Beth?" Mike said. "I should get home. It's getting late."

"I called her. It's fine." Terry said sitting across from Mike and handing him another beer. "She called Jill and told her you were with me, and that I'd make sure you got home alright."

"What did you tell Beth?" Mike asked.

"That you guys had a fight." Terry shrugged. "I wasn't sure you'd want me to . . ."

"No, it's okay. If Jill told you to call me, she expected me to talk. And there's no way she'd make you hold onto a secret like that - especially not from Beth."

"What do the doctor's say?" Terry asked.

"They talk about numbers and odds." He took a long swig of beer. "She's healthy. They caught it fairly early. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. I don't give a damn about numbers!" He set the beer bottle down hard. "She's not a number!"

"But that's good news, right?" Terry pointed out. "And she's strong, Mike. I've never met _anyone_ stronger. Sixteen years married to you? Sixteen years of worrying? All the wives talk about it. She's the ideal that they all try to live up to, strong, supportive, devoted."

"Her mom died of cancer." Mike said. "When she was six."

"I didn't know that."

"Neither did we. She was too little, and by the time she was eighteen, she had only her sister. Amanda didn't know either. I tracked down old records and finally found a record that she received treatment on a cancer wing. And Jill's terrified. She's got that look on her face trying so hard to hide it, but I can see it there. You know what I mean?"

"I've seen it before." Terry said remembering.

"I don't know how to help her. I don't know how to help me."

"Mike, slow down. Give yourself a break, man." Terry leaned in. "It hasn't been a week! You don't have to do anything other than what you've always done; just love her, man. You taught me that."

"Yeah." Mike let out a slow, ragged breath. "Yeah."

"What's next for her?" Terry asked. "What do you need from us?"

"She starts treatment on Tuesday. They didn't want to wait. They are gonna go through two rounds of chemotherapy, and then run more tests. After that surgery, and then more treatment." He sighed. "We need to tell the girls this weekend. And Eddie. I don't know how he's gonna take it."

"Not well. She's had him wrapped around her little finger fr day one." Terry said. "Listen, Beth and I will take the kids for a couple of days. Give you guys some time. Let us do at least that."

"I don't know. She wants to keep things normal."

"She wants to run and hide. You know that, Mike. Beth will get the kids after school. Don't worry about anything. Don't even pack anything - oh, except Mr. Snuggles!"

Mike laughed thinking of Lizzie's stuffed bunny. "God help you, if she doesn't have Mr. Snuggles."

"Yeah. Beth will get them, and you just call us when you want them back, okay?"

"I like how you volunteer your wife to manage five kids while you go to work."

"Aww, your girls are easy." Terry said dismissively. "It's MJ, you gotta watch out for." He said thinking of his four year old son, who had a propensity for dangerous activities.

"That boy." Mike said and Terry nodded his head.

"Don't be critical, pal. He's already determined he's going to marry Lizzie. That boy is your future son-in-law."

"Don't start."

"Listen, man. We're family anyway you slice it." Terry said with a grin.

Mike reached across the table clamping his hand over Terry's arm. "I'm counting on it."

"I'll drive you home. Come on." Terry said patting Mike's hand.

They pulled up to the house, and Mike glanced at his watch 9:43. The girls were sound asleep, but at the sound of the car, the front door opened and they saw Jill silhouetted in the doorway. Mike turned to Terry.

"Thanks, brother." Mike said seriously.

"I'll walk you up." Terry said opening the door. "Or do you think she'd mind?"

"Why would she mind?" Mike asked. "She's still Jill, Terry. You know her."

"Yeah, that's right." Terry said.

They walked up the path together and stood before her.

"You went behind my back." Mike said facing her.

"Desperate times." She said with a grin and shrug. She glanced at Terry. "Don't look at me like that. I'm okay."

Terry said nothing, but simply leaned in and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her so tightly that he lifted her up off her feet.

"Ah, baby. I'm sorry. I'd do anything to change it." He said kissing her cheek.

"I know." She said softly. "Me too."

"I'll bet." He said with a laugh. He released her but kept his hands on her shoulders. "Thanks for calling me; for trusting me."

"He needs you." She said softly. "He can't tell me everything."

"Yeah, he can. You're the heart in his chest. You know that." Terry told her. "I'll stand with him; with you both. Anything you need is yours."

"I know." She hugged him again. "Thank you."

"I love you, Jill."

"I love you, too." She said with a shy grin. "Go on home, and kiss your wife."

"Yeah." He agreed. He leaned down and kissed her cheek. He turned to Mike. "You call me. Any time at all. I don't give a damn what time it is. You call me."

"Yeah." Mike nodded his head, unable to speak more.

Terry reached out and squeezed Mike's neck. "We love you both." He said seriously, and then turned and climbed back in his car. They stood where they were watching him drive away. As he turned the corner and disappeared Mike turned back to her and said again, "You went behind my back."

"I did." She agreed and turned and went inside the house. He followed her in, and locked the door behind him.

"What did you tell the girls?" He asked following her back to their bedroom.

"You had to work late." She said quietly, sitting on the bench at the end of their bed.

"How's Kate?"

"Oh, she's on to us." Jill said with a sigh. She ran a hand over her face, "and Eddie called twice looking for you.

He sat beside her. "I can't imagine all the things you're feeling. I can't imagine what you are thinking."

"I'm glad because mostly I'm thinking of curse words." She said with a laugh.

"I'll bet." He said reaching for her hand. He lifted it to his lips kissing it.

"You _know_ what I'm feeling; what I'm thinking." She said softly. "You know me."

"We've got to talk about it." He turned to look at her. "We have to decide."

"Not today. Not this second." She said. "You need sleep. You're job is dangerous enough if you aren't sleep deprived."

"I'm not going to work tomorrow. I'm not going to work next week. Babe, I don't care about any of it."

"Mike, you can't just . . ."

"I can too. I've got piles and piles of days banked. You know that. I'm not going to work. And that's not what I meant. I was talking about the surgery. It won't change anything." He told her.

"It's not like they were big to begin with." She let out a slow sigh. "How are we supposed to know what to do? I'm not an oncologist!"

"I don't want to take any chances." He said looking at her. "I'd rather be aggressive."

"I know." She said softly.

"But it's your body, Baby. I can't choose for you. But it won't make a difference." He turned so he was facing her. She was looking down, her brown hair falling in front of her face. Over the years she'd cut it shorter, but lately, she'd been letting it grow again. It fell past her shoulders and was as silky and beautiful as ever. He pushed it back from her face and lifted her chin so that she met his eyes. "I love _you_ Jill, you. I don't give a damn about your breasts. I only . . ." His voice failed him and he looked down.

"I know that. Mike, I do. I just . . . I'm so afraid." Her voice was soft. "Everything is going to change; my body. Everything."

"Not this." He said taking her hand and laying it on his chest. "This won't change. No surgeon's knife can cut that deep." He looked her straight in the eye, letting his tears fall, unashamed. "I don't know why; I don't know how, I got so lucky. I didn't deserve it. I've never deserved you. You are so sweet, and such a good mother. And even in this," He shook his head. "You called Terry. You were thinking of me. What about you Baby? Huh? Who do I call to help you?"

"You." She said softly. "That's all I ever need. You."

He pulled her close into his arms. "I can't manage a life without you, Babe. I can't. I can't raise those girls alone. I can't . . .Baby, I can't breathe without you."

She cried in his arms, and eventually they'd crawled into bed. He'd wrapped his arms around her keeping her close. He lay awake listening to the sound of her breathing, feeling the familiar curve of her body as she fit perfectly against him. He'd wanted to lean in and kiss her and make love to her, but even as he held her, he could see the cancer there in his mind's eye, and it frightened him. He was afraid to touch her; to harm her. So instead, he lay awake all night, praying over and over and over and over.

"Please, God. Not Jill. Don't take my, Jill."


	4. Chapter 4

Jill sat in the passenger seat of the car a beat longer than was necessary. She had no desire to get out and head up the drive to the familiar and beloved lake house. She had no desire to look Eddie Ryker in the eye and tell him . . .

"Babe?" Mike stood just outside the open car door, waiting. She met his eyes and knew she couldn't show how upset she was. Mike was hanging on by a thread as it was. She had to be strong. She climbed slowly out of the car.

They found him around back in his workshop. He was always building something.

"Well, hello! Where are the girls?" He asked, looking around. "Don't tell me you escaped without them?"

"A miracle." Mike said with a grin. "What are you building now? LIzzie hasn't conned you into another doll house, has she?"

"No." He said with a grin. "I promised Amy I'd build her a shelf for her trophies."

"Eddie, you don't have to make every little thing they ask." Jill said quietly. "They are so spoiled."

"Oh, I like building and it is good to have a reason to make something." He set aside the sand paper he'd been using, and looked at their faces. "Why are you here?"

"Time to talk now." Mike said simply.

"Yeah?" Eddie asked. "Okay. Come on, it's not too cold to sit out on the deck. Whatever it is, we can at least have a pretty view." He led them around back to the deck, and sat down in his favorite chair. Jill sat across from him on the loveseat he'd built years ago for his beloved Mary Kate. Mike stood between them hovering anxiously.

"It can't be good, but if you tell me you two are splitting up, I swear I'll lock you inside that house until you work it out." He said trying to lighten the mood.

"It'd almost be worth it to fake a fight, huh, Babe." Mike said with a grin, but Jill said nothing.

Eddie turned to her. "You look scared. Why are you scared?" He moved and sat beside her. "I'm tougher than I look. You know that. I've endured the worst, so go ahead. I can take it."

He reached for her hand, and her eyes filled with tears. She didn't look up at him, but rather at his hand, holding it with both of her own.

She drew in a deep breath. "You know how much I love you, Eddie. I can't . . .seems like our lives got tangled up somehow. I would give anything to keep pain away from you. You've suffered enough. I don't want to cause you any hurt." She looked up at him then, her eyes bright with tears.

"Honey, you don't have to protect me. I understand how dangerous love is." He paused considering her thoughtfully. "I understand it better than you." He looked up at Mike who was silently crying. "Oh, God." He said shocked. "This is bad?"

"Yeah," Jill said trying to stifle down a sob. "It's pretty bad."

"Okay." He said. "Okay, then. We'll manage it together. We're family. It's what we do. It's has to be you." He said looking at Jill. He threw a thumb in Mike's direction. "He'd never cry for himself. And it isn't the girls because you are still able to stand. There's something wrong with you."

"I'm sick." She began gently and then drawing in a deep breath she said it at last, "It's cancer."

Eddie Ryker sat back against the seat and looked over at Mike who nodded his head. Shaking his head he turned to Jill. "Cancer?"

"Yes. Breast cancer." She drew in a breath. "I start treatment on Tuesday. We're going to tell the girls tonight. But they caught it fairly early, and the statistics are pretty good. I don't want you upset. I don't want you worrying." She said, her voice gaining strength.

"You don't want me upset? You don't want me worrying? That's kind of a lot to ask, Jill." He said looking at her. He stood up and walked away from her, standing at the porch rail and gazing out at the vast expanse of sky and mountains. "You don't understand how much you changed things. This house - this land - it is all yours." He turned back to them.

Jill shook her head, "I don't understand . . ."

"I left everything to you and Mike. The day after Kate was born. I wrote up a will."

They stared at him shocked. Jill turned to Mike with wide eyes.

"_You are my family_." He hit each word with great intensity. "It's not just words. It is true. I was thinking of leaving everything to you, long before Kate, but hadn't got around to it. When Mike got burned by that car bomb - remember? I first thought about doing it then, but I kept putting it off." He sighed and crossed back to where she sat. Kneeling in front of her, he took her hand in his. "So don't tell me not to be upset. Don't tell me not to worry."

She said nothing, dropping her head and crying silent tears. She held tightly to his hand with both of hers, and he moved to sit beside her, wrapping an arm around her thin shoulders. She leaned her head against his shoulder. "Don't tell me not to be upset when my only daughter tells me she's sick." He kissed her forehead and closed his eyes resting his head against hers.

"You're gonna tell the girls tonight? Do you want me to come over? We can tell them together." He said.

"Jill?" Mike asked, unsure.

"You don't have to, Eddie. It won't be . . ." She sat up and looked at him, and completely changed her track. "Would you? That would so helpful."

"Sure. I'd do anything for you. You know that." He said. "Who knows?"

"Uh, just family." Mike said. "You and Terry and Beth. My mom's too forgetful these days so we don't think it will do any good. We'd just have to tell her over and over."

"Amanda?" Eddie asked.

"I talked to her this morning." Jill said wiping her eyes. "So just family."

"You ask for leave?" He asked turning to Mike.

"Just took a bunch of overtime days." Mike said. "I wanted to wait until the family knew. Once we talk about it at work, it'll spread like crazy."

The three of them sat together silently, watching the late afternoon sun as it began to fade. The lake was quiet with only the sound of the whippoorwills and the rustling of leaves.

"You want a drink?" Eddie asked Mike. "I bet you could use a drink."

"I could drink my way to oblivion and it wouldn't be enough." Mike said bitterly. "No, thanks."

"Yeah." He turned to Jill. "What about you? You want a shot of whisky?"

"No." She said laughing. "You should've been a doctor. You got a real good way of solving problems. Don't offer the girls any liquor, okay?"

"I don't know. I bet Lizzie would be pretty entertaining after a couple of beers." Ryker said with a laugh.

"She's entertaining enough." Jill said laughing.

"What do you need, honey?" Eddie asked suddenly serious. "What can I do?"

"This." She said holding onto his hand. "And promise you'll keep an eye on him." She nodded toward Mike who rolled his eyes at her. "He just pretends to be a tough guy. He's keeping it together for my sake." She said quietly.

"We all are." Ryker said. "Terry and Beth have the girls?"

"Yeah. Babe, it's nearly seven. We should go get them. Lizzie gets so cranky if she's up late." Mike said gently.

"I'll meet you at the house, okay?" Eddie said as she rose slowly.

"Thanks." She said wrapping her arms around him, and burying her face in his shoulder. "Thanks for everything, Dad."

She had never said the last word to him. She had wanted to for years. When Kate was first born they always called him Grandpa Eddie, but over time, they'd dropped the Eddie and he took on the name that fit him well: Grandpa. In her heart, she thought of him as a second father - so loving, steady and kind, but she'd never dared to call him that. But fear of death, had stripped all other fears away.

He kissed her cheek and said, "I'll see you later."

Mike turned to go, but Ryker caught his arm, and pulled the taller man close to him, reaching a hand up to hold him by his neck. He squeezed gently. "Listen, you hang in there. She'll be okay. Ain't nobody we know tougher than her."

"Yeah." Mike agreed huskily. "Nobody more stubborn, either."

"That's for damn sure!" Ryker agreed. He gave Mike's neck another gentle squeeze and then released him. He stood at the end of the drive for a long, long time after they'd driven away.


	5. Chapter 5

Mike Danko gripped the hand of his wife while six wide eyes looked up at him, trying somehow to process his words. He looked at his daughters; so young, beautiful and trusting. He could see Jill reflected in all three of them. They had her smile, her kindness, her compassion. And now, they were faced with the news that their beloved mother was sick. He sighed feeling the tremendous weight of the responsibility of parenting. _What if I have to do this alone?_ He pushed the thought out of his head, and squeezed Jill's fingers.

"Can I go now?" Kate's voice was brittle with irritation.

"Kate!" Her father said sharply.

"I've got homework, Dad. I need to do it!" She stood abruptly and went down the hall to her room.

"Mary Katherine!" Eddie said rising.

"Let her go, Eddie." Jill said grabbing his arm. "It's fine."

"Mama," Lizzie said. "I don't want you to be sick." She crawled up into Jill's arms.

"I know, baby." Jill said kissing her youngest on the forehead.

"You have any questions?" Mike asked, lifting Amy up into his arms. "You can ask Mommy or me. You can talk to Grandpa, too. Uncle Terry and Aunt Beth know. So does Aunt Amanda. You've got all kinds of people you can talk too."

"I don't want to talk to anyone." Amy said. "I just want Mama to get better."

"Me too." Mike said smoothing his daughter's hair. "And she will but it might take awhile."

"You okay, Lizzie?" Jill asked looking down.

"Uh, huh. Can I have a cookie?" Lizzie looked up with piercing blue eyes.

"Come with me, baby." Eddie said rising and giving Jill a wink. "I'll get you a cookie."

She cheerfully hopped off her mother's lap and followed him into the kitchen.

"I'm gonna check on Kate." Jill said rising. She crossed the room, and leaned over, giving Amy a kiss. She brushed her hand through Mike's hair, and continued down the hall to the bedroom where her oldest daughter sat bent over her desk.

"Kate?" Jill asked leaning against the doorway.

"I've got to finish this." Kate said her voice tight and quiet. Jill studied her oldest thoughtfully with a sad smile on her face.

"You know the biggest problem you've got is that you are just like me, Katie Girl." Jill said with a laugh. "You do the same things I do when I'm upset."

"What do you do?" Kate asked curiously.

"Well, I get a lot of work done. I act like I'm not upset. I try and keep it to myself." Jill said. "Ask Daddy. He knows." Jill looked down at her daughter. "You get buried in a book or do homework."

Kate said nothing, but set her pencil down. She ran her finger back and forth along the edge of her book.

"Are you scared?" Kate said at last.

"A little bit, yeah." Jill said moving closer to Kate, sitting down on the edge of her bed. "But mostly because I've never done any of the things I'm about to do. And I know the medicine won't make me feel good."

"I'm scared too." Kate said putting her hands in her lap.

"I know, honey. You don't have to pretend like you aren't. You are nine years old. You don't have to be so grown up." Jill said. "Come here, sweetie."

Kate rose slowly and crawled onto Jill's lap, burying her head in her mother's shoulder. Jill ran her hand through Kate's long, dark hair, whispering soft comforting words, as Kate cried. She looked up to see Mike standing in the doorway watching the two of them. She said nothing her eyes brimming with tears. He brushed a tear that ran down his cheek, and bending low, kissed Kate's forehead.

"Your Mama's gonna be fine, Katie Bug. I promise it. I won't let anything happen to her."

Jill looked up at Mike, wincing at his words. What if he was making a promise he couldn't keep? How would Kate feel then, and how would she handle it, if Jill weren't there to help her through it? The air in the room felt stifling and the walls too close. She kissed Kate's cheek and passed her daughter to Mike, rushing out of the room. She went straight through the house out the back door and stood taking in deep breaths of air. She wasn't sure how long she stood alone in the backyard. But by the time, Mike came outside to find her, the sky was filled with bright stars.

"Babe?" He asked.

"I couldn't . . ." She sighed turning to face him. "Don't make promises you can't keep. Especially to Kate. She's gonna struggle, Mike."

"You're gonna be okay." He said stubbornly.

"You can't know that." She said softly. "Mike, she believes everything you say, and if . . .if . . ."

"Jill! Don't talk like that! Don't ask me to . . .damn it! Baby, don't ask me to try and think about a life without you." He said furiously, turning from her and covering his face with his hands.

Jill blew out a long breath, and turned to look at him. She could see his shoulders shaking and tried to imagine what it was like to be in his shoes. She couldn't imagine his anguish; his pain. If he were sick and facing an uncertain future - she wasn't sure she would be able to breathe.

"Sweetheart." She said gently. "Sweetheart, I'm sorry." She went to him then, running her hand along his strong, dependable shoulders. "I'm sorry." She repeated.

He looked up at her with those bright blue eyes. She loved his eyes, and even after sixteen years of looking into them, she was often overwhelmed by their piercing beauty. She sighed wishing that something she could say would comfort him; wishing she could tell him it was all just a bad dream. She felt a heaviness that seemed to settle in the center of her chest; a grief that was heavy to carry. At night, she had dreams - dreams of Mike standing alone - their daughters dressed in black. She dreamed that they cried out to her but she couldn't get to them somehow - a dream she hadn't had in years and years and years. She wished all the dreams would go away. She wished . . . She wished for so many things. She tried to divert her mind from dark thoughts.

"This is probably the worst day, I've ever . . ." She said running a hand through her hair. "Don't you think?"

"It's definitely in the top five." He agreed wiping the tears from his face.

"Definitely. Losing the baby. You getting shot - both times." She considered thoughtfully.

"Los Angeles Stadium." He added.

"Los Angeles Stadium." She agreed. "And telling your children you've got cancer."

"That's a pretty lousy list." He sighed.

"Let's hope it doesn't get any longer." She said with a dark laugh. She glanced at him and standing beside him, bumped his shoulder with hers. "At least we're together. I can't say the same of some of those other days."

"Crappy days are bearable with you, Baby." He said and reaching out ran his finger along the line of her chin. "You are everything."

"Tell me everything will be alright again." She said looking up at him. "Hold me close, and say it."

He pulled her close to him, her head resting against his chest. She could hear the steady beat of his heart and fill the low rumble of his voice as he spoke. "Everything is going to be alright. I'll do everything in my power, Baby, I swear it." They stood together silently for a long time, swaying as though they were dancing, even though there wasn't any music.

"You think we should go ahead with the mastectomy." She said at last.

"I can't make that decision. It's your body, Jill." He said softly.

"But you think. . ."

"I don't want to be standing next to some goddam stone wishing we'd been more aggressive." He said bitterly. She could hear the anguish in his voice, and feel his heart rate increase.

"Ok," She said soothingly. "Okay. It's okay, Mike. Shhh."

"I just want you for always." He said his voice thick with tears.

"I don't know how I feel about it." She said gently. "I don't know what it would look like. I don't want to be some kind of freak." Her eyes filled with tears. "It's not that I'm vain, but I always felt so proud when you talk about how pretty I am."

"You are beautiful and always will be. You don't _really believe _I would care about that? Baby, you've got to know that I . . ." He rested his chin on the top of her head. "What if it were me?" He asked her.

"It isn't the same and you know it." She said.

"I would have scars. I would be changed." He said seriously holding her away so that he could look into her eyes. "Would it matter to you?"

"God, no!" She said shocked at the suggestion. "I wouldn't care about some stupid mark."

"Me either." He said looking down at her and meeting her eyes. "I love you;_ you_. And I'll take you anyway I can have you. I just . . ." His voice broke and he glanced away from her. "I just want you _here_ - right here, inside my arms for always."

She said nothing, just rested against his chest, happy to have his arms around her. She tried to imagine the days ahead, but found it impossible. The only thing she was sure of, had his arms wrapped tight around her now.

When they returned inside later, they found all three girls had climbed into their bed, and fallen asleep. Eddie sat across from them in a wing chair, reading a book by the light of a dim lamp.

He looked up as Mike and Jill came into the room.

"Sorry," He whispered. "I couldn't talk them out of it."

"Stubborn girls." Jill said.

"Apple doesn't fall far from the tree." Eddie said with a wink. He rose slowly. Setting the book back down on the table beside the chair. "I should get home. I'll call you tomorrow, if that's okay."

"It's late." Jill said. "Why don't you just stay in Kate and Amy's room?"

"No. I'll head home." He reached up and put his hand on either side of her face. "You get some rest. If you need anything, you can call me, alright, honey?" He kissed her forehead, and she closed her eyes as he did.

"Thank you for being here." She said opening her eyes as he released her.

"We are family." He said simply. He nodded at Mike and turned to leave. Mike followed him to the door.

"Thanks, for coming, sir." He said. "It meant so much to her, and to me."

Ryker reached out and surprised Mike by gently patting the side of his face. "Don't call me, sir. I'm not your boss anymore. I'm Grandpa and that sweet girl in there isn't the only Danko I think of as my child. You hang in there, Mike. Take it an hour at a time, okay?"

"Yes, sir."

Ryker shook his head at the word "sir" and laughing turned to leave. "You used to be better at following orders, Danko."

"No sir, I wasn't." Mike said smiling.

Mike closed the door as Ryker climbed into his car. Turning he locked it, making sure the dog was out. He followed his ordinary night time ritual of shutting the house down, but nothing felt ordinary anymore. He wondered if it ever would again.


	6. Chapter 6

_Four Weeks Later . . ._

Mike Danko opened the front door to his sister-in-law Amanda. She smiled seeing him, and immediately enveloped him in a hug.

"Morning." She said, as he kissed her cheek. "Where's that bratty, little sister of mine?"

"Out back. I was just bringing her a hat." He said indicating the knit cap in his hand. It was a light, pink wool knit with a crocheted flower on the side. He led her around back to the patio where Jill sat in a chaise lounge, a blanket tucked around her thin frame.

"Hey, Baby. Look who followed me inside." He said indicating Amanda.

"My babysitter." Jill said wryly.

"Well, you get into trouble when left alone." He said kissing her on her smooth, bald head. He gently put the hat on her head. "There. That'll keep you warm."

"I look like an idiot." She said grumpily.

"You look beautiful." He said, hoarsely. "Come on, Baby. Don't fuss."

"Oh, she's always grumpy when she doesn't feel good." Amanda said knowingly. "When she was two she had the chicken pox, and threw a book at Dad when he asked how she was feeling. She gets away with murder because she's so damn pretty, but don't kid yourself, that girl's got a temper."

Amanda sat down on a chair beside Jill and gave her arm a gentle nudge. "You remember that?"

"No. I threw a book at Dad? I bet. I get mad enough these days to . . ." She glanced at Mike. "I'm sorry honey. You have a good day. We'll sit and gossip in between throwing up."

"Maybe I should stay home." He hesitated. He dreaded leaving her, but look forward to it too; the release from the constant worry and struggle. A wave of guilt swept over him. "They would understand."

"No. Amanda is here. I'm covered. Go on. Cancer or not, this family still has to eat." She said. "And one of us had better go to work to pay for it."

"Okay." He sat beside her, and ran a gentle hand across her forehead, as though pushing the hair she no longer had away from her face. Even bald and frail, she was still pretty. Her eyes seemed to have grown bigger as her face had become thinner. She mourned the loss of her hair deeply, but tried to keep a good attitude about it. He had shaved his head too - in an act of solidarity. She ran her hand over his head.

"We better get you a stocking cap, too. You're gonna freeze come winter." She said. "Go on, Mike. I'll be okay. It will be good for you to get away. You need something else to think about."

He nodded his head at her, and holding her hand in his, kissed her fingers. "You girls call if you need anything." He rose slowly with a backward glance at Jill. "I love you, Babe."

"I love you, too. Now, go away. We only got these few hours before the kids get home. We want to talk about you behind your back." She winked at him.

"Don't worry, Mike." Amanda said cheerfully. "We'll be fine."

He lifted a hand in a wave and disappeared inside the house. They heard the door close a few minutes later.

"Is he doing okay?" Amanda asked.

"I don't know. He's doing the best he can. We both are." Jill said with a shrug. "He can't tell me everything. He talks to Terry, and to Eddie."

"He's a good man. You did so much better than me." Amanda said with a sigh.

"I got lucky." Jill said with a grin.

"You need anything?" Amanda asked, settling back in the chair.

"No. I'll probably throw up again in about fifteen minutes, but right now I'm alright. It's so nice outside. I'm sick of laying in that bed. I wanted to get outside."

"Why don't I go get a bowl for you, just in case?" Amanda asked. "Then you won't have to walk all the way to the bathroom."

"Walking to the bathroom is the only outing I get." Jill said sadly. "And to think just four weeks ago, I used to go running twice a week. God, this medicine is awful! You know Dr. Peterson said some folks don't lose their hair until the second round - lucky me! Two weeks in and it all falls out."

"It means the medicine is working." Amanda said.

"I know what it means. It just is a pretty crappy deal."

"Well, I was always jealous of your hair." Amanda admitted. "You were always so damn thin and beautiful. It never seemed fair."

"Things have evened out then." Jill said with a smile.

"Jill!" Amanda said shocked.

"Oh, come on. What's the good of having cancer if you can't joke about it. Don't look like that!"

"You've been trouble since the day you were born." Amanda said shaking her head.

"I can imagine." Jill sighed. "'Manda?"

"Yes?"

"Maybe you should go ahead and get that bowl; just in case." Jill said softly.

"Okay." Amanda said reaching out and squeezing Jill's arm. "Okay."

***R***

Mike Danko stepped into the familiar station house. It seemed that it had been ages since he'd last been there. In truth, it had only been six days. He had worked off and on since Jill had begun treatment. He was trying to conserve his sick days for her upcoming surgery. He avoided talking to anyone at work. They were quick to ask about Jill and he had no answers; it was too soon to tell. He changed quickly and headed out to roll call.

He walked toward the familiar, musky room. As he pushed open the door, he was stunned as every man in the room stood suddenly to attention. He glanced behind him, expecting to see the police chief, but was surprised to find himself alone.

"It's for you, dummy." The watch commander said.

Mike looked from face to face at each man that he had served with - some since their days at the academy, others for just a few years. He was shocked to discover that nearly every man had shaved their head. His eyes filled with tears and he ducked his head, embarrassed.

Chris stepped forward then, "We just wanted you to know that we stand behind you, is all. Hell, half of us were nearly bald to begin with so there's no need to get all blubbery about it. You don't got to worry about your sick days either. A bunch of us donated some of ours. You've got plenty banked. You take care of Jill. She's done a good job of taking care of most of us here, and now it's her turn."

Speechless, Mike could only nod. He turned to the men closest to him, and shook their hands. He worked his way around the room, shaking the hand of every man there. It was only as he had worked his way around the room that he was finally able to speak again.

"Thank you." Was all he could manage. "Thank you."

"Well, if you are all finished with your Hallmark moment," The watch commander said. "We've got a city to police, if that's alright with you Danko?"

"That'd be fine, sir." He said sheepishly and sliding into a nearby seat.

He cornered Chris as soon as they'd all been dismissed.

"Thanks man." He said to him.

"For what? You think I shaved their heads?" He shook his head. "Nah, man that wasn't me. But don't get conceited, it wasn't you either."

Mike wrinkled his brow, "What do you mean?"

"Look around you, man. Name one man in this building whose wife hasn't received a phone call from Jill Danko to encourage them. Name me one person who hasn't eaten something she's cooked for us, or hasn't had their children play in your backyard. Not to mention all the fellas, she's patched up at the hospital or in your living room. Your wife is legendary, pal. We did it for her."

Chris cleared his throat, looking away embarrassed by his emotions. Mike swallowed twice remembering why he found talking to people at work so difficult. They said things like this and he felt himself awash in a sea of emotions. He struggled to find his way out of what was turning into an intense morning. Smiling he nodded his head, and patted Chris on the shoulder.

"She's also an incredible kisser, but only _I_ know that." He grinned.

"You are such a jerk, Danko." Chris said laughing and giving him a shove.

"I really am." He agreed.

"She could do ten billion times better than you." Chris said with a shake of his head.

"One hundred billion." He sighed grateful that Chris had understood; grateful to have something beside Jill's life hanging in the balance to think about.

"I guess it's time to hit those mean streets. I wonder what everyone will think."

"What do you mean?" Chris asked.

"A third of the force is suddenly bald! Someone might notice."

"Hopefully, the right ones will find it intimidating." Chris remarked.

***R***

"Well, our biggest concern is that you were underweight to begin with." Dr. Peterson said. "And now . . ."

"Listen, those charts are just estimates. You know that! Every person is different. I've always been underweight - my whole life, but I've always been healthy. Until chemo, I ate all the time. Ask Mike." Jill turned to him.

"Well, yeah. We've been married sixteen years and I've seen her eat like, let me see," He rubbed his chin dramatically. "I don't know, maybe four times."

"Mike!" She slapped his arm irritated.

"Well, it's good to see your spirits are up." The doctor said. "I think we should wait another week. Schedule the surgery for the 17th instead. It will give you a chance to get a little bit stronger."

Jill sighed, frustrated. "I want this to be over."

"It will be." Dr. Peterson said patiently.

"Babe, he's just looking out for you." Mike told her.

"I know that. I was just hoping . . . this sets everything back a week!"

"But better that than your white cell count gets so low that we have to suspend everything and hospitalize you." Dr. Peterson said gently.

"I'm sorry." Jill said quietly. "I should know better. If I were the nurse and not the patient, I would say the same thing." She looked down, embarrassed by her show of temper.

"You've got nothing to apologize for." Dr. Peterson said. "This isn't easy. I know it's disappointing."

"The 17th will be fine." Jill said with a sigh. "Thank you, John. I know you've pushed your whole schedule around for this. I really do appreciate it."

"Don't apologize. It's the least I could do." He said with a smile. "You have any last minute questions. Did you get a chance to look at those photos I gave you?"

"Yeah, we did." Mike said quietly.

"I know it's shocking, but it helps to know what to expect. You can think about reconstruction later. There's a lot that can be done."

"Once I recover from the surgery, that's when they'll start the last round of chemo?" Jill asked.

"That's right, and then radiation. But we'll run tests first, to see what is the most appropriate course of action. They'll take samples from your lymph nodes too, during surgery so that they can run more specific tests." Dr. Peterson said. "Your treatment will be based on those results. We might recommend several more rounds of chemo, or just radiation. It depends on what we find."

"Okay." She said. "Thanks for everything." She rose slowly from the examining table where she had sat with her long legs dangling. Mike rose from his chair in the corner, handing her a sweater.

"Thanks, Dr. Peterson." Mike said with hand outstretched. He gripped the doctor's hand firmly.

"You're welcome. Your wife is our best nurse. Everyone loves her." He nodded at Jill.

They rode home in silence, Jill starring out the passenger window. He watched her out of the corner of his eye.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked her.

"That little restaurant we used to go to - the place with those fish tacos you loved, remember?""

"Iggy's!" He said laughing. "I think the health department shut that place down."

"I hope so." She said with a smile. "I went there once without you."

"You did?"

"You were in some stupid stand-off. That guy who took his kids hostage?"

"Robert Beardly."

"Yeah, and I was home waiting, so worried and watching the news. I couldn't take it anymore and had to get out. So I went down to Iggy's. I don't know if he'd seen the news or what, but he fixed me a grilled cheese sandwich. It wasn't on the menu, but it's what I'd asked for and he sat with me while I ate it. He didn't charge me anything at all, either. I was sort of out of it, I guess. I don't think I even had my purse. As I left, he handed me a bag with fish tacos for you and told me to come back if I got too lonesome."

"Wait, Iggy said that? Or the kid that used to work there?" Mike asked with eyebrow raised.

"Iggy." She turned and looked at him laughing. "You are jealous? He wasn't hitting on me! I was twenty-five years old and he must have been fifty-six!"

"It just sounds suspicious," Mike said grumpily. "What made you think of that anyway?"

"I don't know. I was thinking of how many nice people there are. And I was thinking about how nice it was - back when we used to go there. You'd pick me up from work and we'd sit and talk for hours. There wasn't anything to worry about." She turned to him with a smile.

"It will be that way again." He said reaching for her hand.

"I sure hope so." She said turning to look back out the window.

He drove silently, but didn't turn toward their house, instead he headed out to the beach. He pulled the car to a stop.

"Come on, Babe." He said opening her door.

"The girls . . ."

"Eddie's there. They have probably convinced him to feed them a gallon of ice cream each. They are happy as can be. Come on."

He held his hand out to her, and she took it. It was an overcast afternoon, and so the beach was relatively empty. He glanced at Jill's thin sweater, and dug around in the back of the station wagon, finding his old pea coat. He wrapped her in it, pulling the collar up protectively.

"Warm?" He asked his hands resting on her shoulders. She nodded her head and looped her arm through his. They walked along the shore, where the waves couldn't reach them. If she'd been feeling better, she would've taken her shoes off, and walked at the water's edge, but now she got cold too quickly. He walked slowly, and just a short ways down the beach, not wanting to tire her out. They stopped at a log that had washed up on shore, and sat together on it, side-by-side.

"This is nice." She said leaning her head on his shoulder.

"You aren't too cold?'

"Not just now." She turned to look at him. His warm, blue eyes rested on her. She loved the small wrinkles, and lines that radiated out from his eyes; the result of a lifetime of smiling. Women were always drawn to his eyes. They were so bright and such a beautiful shade of blue, but she knew it was the loving kindness they held, that drew people to him.

"You're staring at me." He said embarrassed.

"You're eyes are so beautiful." She said for the thousandth time and he blushed. He shook his head at her with a shy grin.

"You're crazy." He said embarrassed.

She laughed amazed that he could still feel embarrassed by her compliments.

"You are so cute, sometimes."

"You better knock it off or I'll pick you up and toss you in those waves, Danko."

"Oh, I'd like to see you try! Listen, Mister, I might be little, but I can take you out any day of the week." She said.

"You're lucky, I'm feeling sorry for you just now, or I'd prove you wrong."

"Oh, hiding behind pity for the poor, sick, cancer girl." She said surprising herself.

"You are nothing but trouble." He said wrapping both his arms around her, and resting his chin on top of her head. "It's gonna take me at least another twenty years to get you in line."

"'Get me in line?' Forty years couldn't do it. It might take me that long to get you thinking like a modern man."

"Alright, we can settle on another eighty, just to be safe." He said as she leaned back against his chest. "But we might need to stretch it out to a hundred - you strike me as being pretty stubborn."

"One hundred sounds good." She agreed.

"I'll stick around, if you will."

"Oh, I'm in it for the long haul." She said fighting down sudden tears.

They sat in a comfortable silence then, watching the waves. She found she was happier than she'd been in weeks. She might have a mastectomy looming, but at least for the next two weeks, she had no more chemotherapy. She knew from experience that in a few days she would be feeling better again - she would be able to play with her daughters and cook for her family. And no matter what, no matter what she was feeling, Mike would be there; always. The sky began to grow dark with a threatening storm.

"Come on, Baby. It's getting cold." He said at last. "You must be freezing."

She rose slowly, but turned to face him. "Michael Danko, I love you." She wrapped her arms around him, and standing on tiptoe she kissed him.

"Oh, Jill," He said as she rested her head against his shoulder. "Sometimes love seems like too small a word."


	7. Chapter 7

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

_This chapter grew and grew and grew! I apologize for the length. I really appreciate those of you who have sent me PMs and written reviews. It is always nice to know that someone else is reading my story. Again I just want to say how much I admire those who are fighting, have fought and won, or stood along side those who do. No one fights alone, and the struggle leaves its fingerprints on all._

***R***

"Why are you in here?" Kate Danko peered into the closet she shared with her sister Amy.

"Go away." Amy said angrily. She sat on the floor in the closet, hugging her knees to her chest.

"Stop acting like a baby! Why are you hiding?"

"GO AWAY!"

"You tell me or I'll go get Mommy."

"Mommy's sleeping and if you wake her up Daddy will spank you." Amy stuck out her chin defiantly.

"Why are you hiding in the closet? Are you scared?" Kate found her younger sisters exasperating.

"She's going to the doctor on Friday." Amy said.

"Daddy explained. They have to take the bad cells out."

"But it is _Friday._ It is Friday afternoon!" Amy said dramatically. "And he _promised. _He said he'd be there _no matter what._"

"Your soccer game? Amy! But this is a big deal! He can't leave Mommy! He can't! You _know_ that."

"He promised." Amy repeated angrily.

"Amy, you know what it means, don't you? Cancer. It isn't like a cold. It is a bad thing." Kate shook her head at her sister.

"I know that, but it's finals. We'll be the champions, and besides HE PROMISED!"

Kate sat back on her heels unable to think of a way to explain things. Amy was just sixteen months younger than her but sometimes it felt more like a million. Of course, Kate had gone to the library and read every book she could find about cancer. She had quickly exhausted all the resources in the children's section. So then she snuck into the adult side of the library and was reading more books there, until a librarian had kicked her out. She understood far more than anyone knew.

"Amy! You are being selfish! Mommy's having surgery! _Surgery! _Daddy has to be with _her_! You'll have more soccer games next year!

"Go away! I don't want to talk to you! Go read a book."

Sighing Kate left Amy alone. She tiptoed down the hall past Lizzie's room where her baby sister was taking a nap. She hesitated outside her parent's room peering through the doorway which was left open a crack. She could see her mother asleep. Her father sat on the other side of the bed, his head low. She didn't have to see his face to know he was crying. There was no way she was going to go in and tell him that her mother's surgery was scheduled for the same day as Amy's championship soccer game - no way. She hesitated a moment longer and could just see the side of his face; he looked so sad. He looked so lonely. She chewed the corner of her lower lip and went back down the hall to the kitchen. Climbing on a chair, she found the school directory. It took three calls to finally get the right number. She glanced down the hall to make sure no one was coming, as she waited while the phone rang.

"Hello! Nolan residence."

"Coach Nolan? This is Kate Danko."

"Kate! How's your Mom doing?"

"Okay but we've got a big problem."

"What's wrong? Amy isn't sick is she? She's one of my strongest forwards. I really need her for the big game Friday."

"Friday is the problem." Kate said. "Mommy's got surgery."

"Oh." Her coach hesitated and she could hear the disappointment in his voice. "Well, we can do fine without Amy. Tell her not to worry."

"Amy can go. She'll be there. Grandpa can drive her. That isn't the problem."

"Well, what is?" Coach Nolan asked.

"Daddy won't be there and Amy is really upset. It might not seem like a big deal to a grown up, but it is to Amy. She really wants Daddy there. She is really, really upset."

"This game has been planned for over a month, honey. We can't change the date. It isn't like an after school scrimmage. This is the district championship. It's a really big deal. And even if everyone on our team agreed to change it, there's the whole other team."

"People on our team would change it. You know they would."

"They probably would Kate, but the Titans might not feel the same. They don't know your Mom. They don't know Amy." Coach Nolan explained gently.

"Daddy says most people are nice if you give 'em a chance."

"I'm sure he's right." Coach Nolan sighed. "Kate, is your Daddy home? Can I talk to him?"

She could hear the anxiety in Coach Nolan's voice. She had gotten used to it. Since her mother had become sick she had learned that lots of times adults didn't know what to say or do.

"No. He's taking care of Mommy. _I'm _taking care of this."

"Kate, you are ten years old and you can't . . ."

"I'm nine."

"Pardon me?" Coach Nolan asked.

"I'm not, ten. I'm nine. Now, can I please have their coaches' number?"

***R***

Jill insisted on tucking the girls into bed the night before her surgery. Mike followed along behind her feeling weary and on edge.

"You girls have any questions?" Jill asked sitting on the edge of Amy's bed, and glancing across at Kate who was already tucked under her covers.

"When will you be home?" Amy asked.

"Probably by Wednesday or Thursday." Jill said. "But Grandpa is going to stay here, and Aunt Amanda will be here, too. Uncle Terry will come by every day. You won't be alone."

"Will it hurt?" Kate asked quietly.

"A little bit. But it won't make me sick like the other medicine. I'll just be sore and tired." She glanced at Mike. "And I won't look exactly the same."

"Will it change your face?" Amy asked in a small voice.

"You are so dumb." Kate said angrily. "The surgery's on her chest not her face, stupid."

"Kate!" Mike said sharply. "Don't be unkind! Not everyone is a nurse like you and your Mommy." He winked at her to soften the blow of his correction. "Amy, Mama's chest will be different, but you won't be able to tell right away. She'll have bandages. You can't touch her there. It would really hurt her."

"But it will heal and then it won't bother me at all." Jill said. "It is just that when they cut out the bad cells, they will take some of my chest with it. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Mommy." Amy said softly. "Will it happen to me someday?"

"What?" Jill asked.

"I heard Mrs. Crandall talking after school and she told Becky's Mommy that families get it, and she hoped I never did."

Jill bit her lower lip. "No, Amy. You probably won't get it."

"That isn't true." Kate said quietly. "I read about it. It _is_ hereditary, or at least that's what they think, and I heard Aunt Amanda and Daddy talking. Grandma had it too."

"Grandma has cancer!" Amy asked with wide, fearful eyes.

"Not Grandma, Danko." Jill said gently. "She means my Mommy." She crossed the room and sat down beside Kate. "You read some books, didn't you?"

"At the library." Kate said softly.

"Kate! I told you. Just because you are smart enough to read the words, doesn't mean you are mature enough to understand them. How long have you been thinking about this? What are you thinking?" She looked down at her oldest daughter's face. "You think you are going to get breast cancer too?"

"The study said . . ."

"The research is inconclusive, Mary Katherine! That means it isn't clear yet. And even if it runs in families it doesn't mean _you_ are going to get it." Jill reached out and ran a hand through Kate's hair. "Why can't you just be nine?"

"I dunno." Kate said quietly. "I'm sorry, Mommy."

Jill shook her head, and opened her arms, as Kate sat up and wrapped her arms around Jill's thin body.

"What are we going to do with this one?" Jill asked looking up at Mike.

"I dunno." He said softly, but winked at her. "You think I should spank her?"

"Daddy!" Kate said looking up shocked, but seeing that her father was smiling at her, she relented.

"No, that punishment's too easy." He said answering his own question. "We should tickle her. That would do the trick." He said crossing to her bed. "You hold her down, Danko, but watch out she's a kicker."

Kate's squeals and laughter was so loud, it nearly woke Lizzie who was an incredibly sound sleeper. "Help me, Amy! Get Daddy!" She called and Amy threw back the covers and jumped on her father's back.

"I got 'em Kate! Run!"

It took them a good forty-five minutes to get the girls settled and tucked into bed. By then, Jill was fairly exhausted. She was reluctant to go to bed though, and kept wandering around the house, fussing here and there.

"Babe, c'mon. You've got an early day tomorrow." He said at last.

"I know. I just . . ." She paused and looked up at him. "I won't be home for awhile."

"It's just a few days." He said. "You've been gone longer when you go to nursing conventions."

"But when I come home, everything will be different." She said quietly.

"You still think I don't know how to clean." He said trying to lighten her mood.

"That's not what I meant."

"I know what you meant." He said. "C'mon Baby."

"I'll be different." She continued as though he hadn't spoken.

"Yeah," He agreed moving closer and putting an arm around her to guide her to their bedroom. "Those cancer cells will be all gone."

"Oh, I hope so." She said looking up into his face with eyes bright with tears. "I really hope so."

"Come on, Jill. Come to bed now. I want to put my arms around you and keep you close. Tomorrow, I'll be sleeping in a hospital chair." He kissed her forehead.

***R***

Mike Danko was finding breathing a struggle. He paced the corridor just outside the surgical waiting room of Memorial hospital, trying to take in a deep breath. He glanced at the clock again. It had only been twenty minutes. He was pretty sure he was never going to be able to manage the next four hours. Actually, he was pretty sure he was never going to manage the next four minutes.

"Want some coffee?" Ryker asked as he stepped out into the hall.

"No."

The older man stood where he was as Mike paced up and down the hall. Ryker had come out of the stuffy waiting room which was filled with the Danko's family and friends. Countless doctors and nurses had already come by to see how Memorial's most beloved nurse was doing. Ryker knew Jill would hate all the attention. She was a fairly private person, and news of her illness spread wide over the city embarrassed her. He looked up as Mike passed him again.

"We could walk outside." He suggested. "Then you'd at least have new scenery."

"I don't want scenery!" Mike snapped back, angrily. "What the hell do you think we're here for?"

Ryker said nothing, and Mike stormed off and away from him, resuming his pacing.

"I'm sorry, Eddie." He said when he came up to him again. "I didn't . . ."

"You don't have to apologize to me." Eddie said with a shake of his head. "In fact, if you feel like screaming at someone, go ahead and pick me. I can take it." He smiled at Mike, and reaching out squeezed his shoulder. "You want to sit down?"

"No." Mike said hoarsely. "I want Jill. Here. Well. I want to take her home and go back to our lives. I want to sleep at night and not sit up watching her worrying. I don't want to spend every waking moment praying that I'll have her with me again when the sun comes up. I want to live ordinary days. I want to get in a really stupid argument with her. I want my life back, ya know?" He looked up at Ryker his blue eyes filled with tears, but embarrassed he looked away, wiping his eyes. "Sorry. I . . ."

"I told you, you don't have to apologize to me." Ryker repeated gently.

Mike looked at him again, and thought of all those pictures of Mary Kate hanging up in the lake house. He couldn't imagine it. He didn't want to imagine it. He looked down ashamed.

"How did you survive it?" He finally asked softly.

"Well, first I was drunk a lot." Ryker admitted sheepishly. "But I don't know, I had friends who wouldn't let me quit. I just kept going. I didn't really have a choice, and after a while things were almost okay, and after a while longer, things were pretty good. Your wife made sure of that." He looked up at Mike. "She'll get through this. You both will, and no matter what, there's a room full of people in there who will stand with you."

"Yeah." Mike said looking down. He looked up at Ryker with a piercing gaze, "But I'm sorry Eddie. I am really sorry."

"Oh . . .well, I . . ." Ryker looked away shocked by his own emotions. He cleared his throat. "You sure you don't want any coffee?"

"No." Mike said softly. "Thanks."

"I'm gonna go check on the others." Ryker said reaching out and patting Mike's back. "You hang in there, son. Take it slow, okay?" He turned abruptly and disappeared down the hall, and back into the waiting room.

Mike wasn't surprised when Terry came out a few minutes later. Terry approached him with arms open wide, and Mike accepted the embrace.

"Waiting is a real son of a bitch." Terry said with a shake of his head.

"Got that right." Mike agreed.

"You want anything?"

"No." Mike said. He glanced at his watch. "It's getting late. You're gonna go right?"

It was Jill who had remembered that Amy's soccer game was also on the 17th. She'd been putting together a bag to take the hospital late yesterday afternoon, when she'd sat down on their bed suddenly cursing.

"_Oh, holy hell!" She said._

"_What?" Mike said instantly panicked. "What happened? Are you hurt?"_

"_No! Amy's game! It's tomorrow Mike! Oh my God! She didn't even say anything."_

"_Her what?" He asked trying to regain his balance. "Jill! I thought you were hurt!"_

"_The championship! She's been talking about it for months! You've got to go." He must have stared at her for a full five minutes trying to process her suggestion._

"_What the hell are you talking about? You are having surgery tomorrow! I'm not . . .Terry can go, or Amanda. I'll call them later. Baby! I'm not leaving that hospital. No way! No chance in hell that's gonna happen!"_

Now, less than twenty-four hours later, he did feel a bit conflicted over it. He knew Amy wanted nothing more than to see him cheering. He sighed and repeated his question to Terry, "The game? You better head out now."

"Nope." Terry said flatly.

"I know you want to stay here , but I'm sorry. It's just too important." Mike said. "I promised Amy I'd be there and now . . .and Jill's never missed a game; not one."

"The game was postponed."

"What? When did . . ."

"They confirmed the change last night. Sunday at 2:00 and you better be there." Terry said. "They won't change it twice."

"But why . . . how . . . thank you, man! How did you even think of it?"

"You are thanking the wrong person. I didn't think of it. None of us did." Terry said.

"Coach Nolan?"

"Mary Katherine Danko." Terry said calmly. "She called every parent on both teams herself."

Mike felt his legs slide out from under him. He slid down the wall and sat down, hard on the floor of the hospital corridor.

"Katie Bug?" His eyes filled with tears. "She's just like her; just as good - just as sweet."

Terry knelt in front of him. "She didn't want to bother you or Amanda or Eddie, so she fixed it." Terry swallowed hard. "And if you don't buy her a goddam pony for her next birthday, I will."

"The only thing she asked for this year is for Jill's cancer to be gone." Mike said quietly. He hung his head and his shoulders heaved with sobs.

"I asked for the same damn thing." Terry said firmly. He sat down beside Mike, one hand resting on Mike's shoulder saying nothing, just waiting as Mike's tears subsided.

"What am I gonna do?" Mike asked his bright, blue eyes wide and fearful.

"Breathe in and out for the next ten seconds."

"And after that?"

Terry shook his head and answered softly, "Too far down the road, brother. We'll face it later."

***R***

Jill Danko was aware of a dull aching sensation. She moaned a little, stirring slightly and opened her eyes.

"Hey, beautiful."

Her eyes adjusted and she saw Mike sitting beside her in a chair that he had pulled close to her bed. His face was covered in stubble and his shirt wrinkled. He ran a hand over his face, stretching. He looked exhausted. Seeing her awake, he moved closer.

"How do you feel?" He asked taking her hand in his.

"Thirsty."

"Oh! I'll get it." He turned and she could hear him fussing clumsily. He returned with a cup of water and a straw. She couldn't even lift her head - too weak, too tired and too sore. He gently cupped the back of her head with one hand, lifting her slightly and with the other helped her take a sip. He turned then setting the cup back on the table beside the bed.

"You'd make a good nurse." She said to him.

"I doubt it." He smiled good-naturedly and with a sigh, ran his hand along the side of her face.

"How did it go?" She asked at last; afraid to hear the answer.

"Dr. Peterson said it went really well. He thinks he got it all. They took the lymph node, too. We should get the results back soon." He sat down gingerly on the side of the bed.

"Well, that's good then." She said turning to look away. It was too hard to see the fear and pain in his clear, blue eyes.

"Do I look . . ." She began, turning to face him again, tears pooling in her eyes.

"Baby, you are beautiful." He interrupted her. "You are all wrapped up in bandages, but he said he did a neat, clean job." He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "You aren't getting vain on me now?"

"I sure hope you're a leg man." She said trying to tease him but tears spilled out all the same.

"I'm a Jill man." He said with a smile. "Only one girl for me." She said nothing, but tried to give him a smile. "Are you in pain?" He asked fearfully. "I'll get a nurse."

"No, it isn't too bad." She whispered. "Don't leave me." Her voice was small and frightened and it reminded him of when the girls called out to them at night with bad dreams.

"Okay, Babe. I'm not going anywhere. Let's just push that little button and see how fast your friends come running. You know, seven nurses volunteered to work this floor today. They all showed up and a few extras beside. There's a whole gaggle of 'em just outside the waiting room."

"I don't want people staring." She said quietly.

He leaned in, and put his hands on either side of her face, "You listen to me, Jillian Elizabeth Danko, everyone here loves you. They _love_ you. You've been there for them and now they want nothing more than to be here for you. They don't care about anything else - but you well. You get that straight, Baby. I know it is hard. I'm sorry it is so hard. You know I'd do anything in the world to change it." He drew in a deep breath and she reached out, even though it caused her pain, and wiped a tear from his face.

"Okay, Michael, okay. Shhhh." She said. The pain too great, she let her arm drop back down, wishing she was well enough to cling tightly to him.

"And as for me, I'll take you anyway I can. I don't give a damn if you are bald, one-eyed, one-legged or have only one breast - hell, I don't care if you have no breast at all. You are so damn beautiful you make my heart hit double-time every time you so much as smile at me. And this," He paused to gesture around the room, taking in all the equipment, "This a temporary stop for us. You're the toughest girl I know, and there's no way in hell that cancer's gonna take you down. No way. You and me are gonna have a hundred years together, and even when that comes to end, I'll still want more."

She closed her eyes, overwhelmed by his love and the anguish of wishing;longing for his words to be true. But she was a nurse and had been for nearly eighteen years. She'd seen couples just like them - deeply attached; deeply in love - torn apart by death. She feared it more than anything; to be taken from him terrified her.

He was kissing her lips now and sat back his face just inches from hers. "I love you, Jill." He whispered. "And there's no knife that could ever cut deep enough to ever come close to your beauty. Beautiful is who you are."

"I love you, too." She said softly.

The door opened and they both turned to see Liz Conners, step into the room. She smiled seeing Jill awake and crossed to the hospital bed.

"Sorry to interrupt you two newlyweds." She said with a wink. "But I came to check on Memorial's most popular patient. How are you feeling?" She leaned on the rail of the bed, standing beside where Mike sat.

"I'd give you a hug Liz, but I'm a little slow moving just now."

Liz smiled and rested a hand briefly on Mike's shoulder. "She's always lazy isn't she?" She said to him with a laugh. She leaned over and kissed Jill's forehead. "How's the pain?"

"A seven a guess." Jill said through clenched teeth.

"Hmm . . ." Liz considered. "Your seven is probably a nine for everybody else. Let's see if we can't get you a little bit more comfortable. I'll be right back."

She turned and disappeared out the door.

"She was supposed to retire last month. She'd been planning it forever." Jill said. "But she pushed it back. She said she wanted to be on the floor when I had my surgery." Jill's brown eyes clouded over with pain and tears. "This whole thing is so crazy! I can't believe . . ."

"Shhh . . ." Mike said leaning in closer. He rested one hand against her right shoulder, and with his other brushed his fingers along the soft, smooth skin of her face. "Shhh. It's okay. You just close your eyes, and rest Baby."

Liz Conners came back in and immediately gave Jill some pain medication.

"Shhh." Mike continued watching Jill's eyes drift closed again. "It's okay, Baby. I'll be right here." He held her hand in his and leaning over kissed her fingers. "Go to sleep now. Just rest."

"She'll probably be out for a few hours." Liz Conners said softly to Mike. "I'll get you a blanket and some pillows."

"I should call and check on the girls." Mike said running a hand over his face.

"Melissa and Ellen were headed over to your place." Liz said. "It's okay, Mike. Why don't you give yourself a little time?"

He nodded his head, his bright blue eyes, shimmering with tears. "Yeah. I hate seeing her in pain. I _hate_ it." He said huskily.

"Me too." Liz said swallowing. "I'll get you that blanket and pillow." She rested a hand briefly on his shoulder and left the room.

Mike rose slowly, wiping tears from his face. He straightened the covers, tucking them around Jill, carefully. He studied her face. Her features had relaxed in sleep. In the two weeks that she had been free of chemo, her hair had begun to grow back, and her head was covered with soft fuzzy hair, that reminded him of when the girls were newly born. Her face, always thin, was even thinner; her soft features more angular than usual. It was only after her hair was gone, that he'd realized how much he'd loved the soft, silky touch of it. He had never realized how often he would reach out and run his hand through it, or push it back so he could see her face better. He missed it, and longed for the day that it would return. He sank into the chair beside her bed, overwhelmed with guilt. She was fighting for her life, and he was thinking of her hair. His shoulders sagged, burden by shame.

"Here." Liz Conners came back into the room and handed him a blanket and pillow. "You know you don't have to worry. She's got a least thirty people keeping an eye on her right now. Close your eyes and rest."

"Thanks, Liz. You've been a real good friend to her; to us." He smiled.

"Well, she's easy to love, isn't she?" Liz said and Mike nodded his agreement. "Oh," She added. "This one followed me in, and won't leave." She indicated Eddie Ryker who stood just behind her.

"That's okay." Mike said. "He's stubborn."

She nodded and left. Ryker stood beside Mike, his hand resting on his shoulder. "The girls are doing fine." He whispered. "Amanda's with them now. I just wanted to see . . ." He cleared his throat. "I needed to see she was alright."

"It went well." Mike began, but Ryker cut him off.

"We talked to the doctor. Don't worry about me. You look like hell. You rest. I'll just sit with her for a few minutes, okay?"

"Sure." Mike said fighting sleep. He hadn't really slept well in the last two nights - hadn't really slept well in the last six weeks. He hunkered down in the chair his eyes drifting closed. "Wake me up if she needs anything."

Ryker moved to the opposite side of Jill's bed, pulling a chair close to her bed. But he didn't sit down right away. He stood beside her watching her sleep. He sighed and gave her cheek a kiss before settling into the chair. From where he sat he could see both Jill and Mike as they slept. He rubbed the back of his neck and stretched trying to ease some of the tension.

It was just a few hours later that Jill began to stir, and Ryker rose standing beside her, and holding onto her arm.

"Jill?" He whispered with a glance at Mike who was snoring. "Jill, you alright?"

She opened her brown eyes, and seeing him smiled.

"What are you doing here? Aren't you some sort of big deal Deputy Chief?" She smiled at him.

"Well, you are never too important to look in on the little people." He teased her.

"Visiting the sick and injured." She said softly. She glanced at Mike asleep.

"How do ever sleep with all that racket?" He asked indicating Mike's snoring.

"The trick is to fall asleep first." She hesitated, sighing deeply. "Thanks for being here." Her eyes filled with tears, and he swallowed down his own tears.

"Honey, where else would I be?" He said his voice thick. "You need anything? Are you in pain?"

"No, I'm okay. The girls are doing alright?"

"Amanda's with them, and I think Melissa and Ellen were headed that way. They are doing okay."

"I'm glad you were with them." She said.

"Me, too." He agreed. "Why don't you close your eyes and rest some more? You look tired."

"So do you."

"Well, chasing Lizzie is no small thing." He admitted. "Why is every single child you have bound and determine to run everywhere?"

"Blame him." She said with a grin. "I was a very calm child."

"I doubt it." He said with a chuckle. He reached out and ran his hand over her cheek. "Close your eyes and rest, honey."

"I bet you gave them ice cream for breakfast." She said softly, her eyes drifting shut. "Those girls have got you wrapped around your little finger." He watched her face relax as she began to drift back to sleep.

"Well, they are just following in their mother's footsteps then." He said softly, straightening the covers over her. "Sleep, sweetie." He kissed her and moved to settle back into the chair.

"Eddie?" She asked sleepily without opening her eyes.

"Yes?" He asked.

"Thank you for everything. I'm so . . ." She yawned. "I love you."

He blinked several times, unable to speak at first. He wasn't a man for the free exchange of emotions and feelings. It had been part of his hesitation when he'd been asked to head up the new program all those years ago. He wasn't sure he was the right man to lead a group of social worker, citizen officers. When he'd agreed, he had no idea how much it would change his life; not only altering his view of what made a good police officer, but completely transforming his personal life. He wouldn't be Deputy Chief of Police if it hadn't been for the successes of the program and his officers. He certainly wouldn't be sitting in this chair right now, holding the hand of one of the sweetest and strongest women he had ever known. He glanced over at Mike who still slept, thinking again that Mike Danko and Terry Webster were probably two of the finest officers that city had ever had serve, and they never would have been recruited if it hadn't been for the very program that he'd been so unsure of.

He squeezed Jill's hand, releasing her fingers so that she could rest comfortably. She had fallen asleep before she'd even finished speaking to him. He felt badly that he hadn't quickly answered her back, but still, he knew she understood him. He couldn't think of anyone who understood him as well as she did - not since Mary Kate. Even after all these years, he missed his beloved Mary Kate deeply. Sometimes watching the Dankos, filled him with an aching. He had recognized for the start that they were a couple truly in love, and it made him remember his days with Mary Kate; coming home from a long difficult day on the beat to her warmth, love and understanding. She had been a haven for him - away from the dark world he policed. He remembered early on being concerned when Mike had faced a very difficult day on the cold city streets. He'd gone after him, finding him in the locker room.

"_Hey, Danko. Why don't you take tomorrow off?" He had said._

"_Why? Did I do something wrong?" Mike looked up from where he sat tying his shoes._

"_No, nothing like that. It was just kind of a tough day. You alright?" Ryker had shifted uncomfortably._

"_I'll be fine." Mike said with a sigh. "I just feel bad for that girl's parents, you know? I guess I should feel that way all the time. Everyone who gets hurt or robbed is someone's kid. So are the ones who do the hurting come to think of it. It's just worse when the victim is young. It wasn't a fun day - that's for sure." _

"_Your wife working tonight?" Ryker asked._

"_Yeah, but she's off in about an hour," He said glancing up at the clock. "I'm gonna go wait for her."_

"_Why don't you take her out to dinner." Ryker said. "Someone gave me this." He handed a small square of paper to Mike. "I'll never use it."_

_Mike looked down at the paper in his hand. It was a gift certificate for a local Italian restaraunt - one that was definitely out of their budget._

"_You sure?" Mike asked surprised._

"_Yeah, I been hanging on to it for weeks now. Go take that pretty wife of yours out. You'll forget about today with her smiling at you." _

"_That's for damn sure." Mike said, looking again at the paper in his hand. "Thank you, sir. Thanks a lot." Ryker strode quickly away reassured that Mike would be fine. His wife would see to that. He hoped Mike wouldn't notice that the purchase date on the gift certificate was for today - not from weeks ago. He didn't know why he couldn't just tell Mike that he'd felt bad about all that had happened, and wanted to do something nice for the poor, hard-working rookie. _

Now, all these years later, he recognized that he hadn't changed all that much - he was just as slow to say what he felt. The only person he'd really ever been able to be truly open with had been Mary Kate, and after losing her . . . He let a slow ragged sigh, hoping that Mike would never, ever have to experience the searing pain of losing Jill. He pushed all his dark thoughts away and instead offer up his ten millionth prayer that Jill would be well and whole, and free of cancer. He was sure he could not survive another deep loss.

"I love you, too." He whispered at last, wishing that he were a braver man who could say what he felt. He settled back in the chair resigned to wait; wait for her to awaken again; wait for test results; wait for words that would allow him to finally, after months exhale. _If only_ . . . he thought. _If only. . . _


	8. Chapter 8

Two days after his wife's surgery, Mike Danko found himself on a hard bleacher, cheering his eight year old daughter at her soccer championship. He tried hard to focus on the game, but was struggling. He'd spent every minute in the last forty-eight hours beside his wife, and had slept very little. He hadn't had much time to deal with any of his emotions either. Now, in the bright sunlight, away from the cold, antiseptic hospital, he found himself awash in emotions.

He knew Jill was struggling; would struggle with her changed body. He knew she was worried that it would change things between them. They'd never, ever struggled in their physical relationship. All she had to do was raise an eyebrow at him, and he was more than willing. She'd teased him about it. "Don't you have an off button?" but he'd only laughed and said, "Not when it comes to you, Babe." Sixteen years of marriage hadn't changed it.

His daughters were struggling too. They missed their mother and their old routines. Both Lizzie and Amy were having nightmares, and Lizzie had started to wet the bed again. They needed their parents; needed more of his time. Even now, when he should be focused on Amy's game, his mind was drifting.

He felt disconnected from his job, too. He knew he wasn't doing as good a job as he could. He was distracted and forgetful. He recognized that the people around him were picking up the slack and covering for him.

And he was struggling. Even before her surgery, he was sleep-deprived. He would fall asleep for a few hours only to wake up, worried and unable to rest. He would spend hours watching her sleep, or looking at old pictures remembering. He was afraid all the time - a new experience for him. He was never really afraid - not for himself. He'd been afraid for Jill lots of times and for his girls, but never for himself - not even in Vietnam. Now he was terrified, daily.

He couldn't manage a life without Jill. He knew it. Every man had his limit and he had come to realize that this was his. He depended on her. He needed her. She gave him balance, and made things right. She was the heart inside his chest, and he wouldn't be able to continue on without her.

He let out a ragged sigh, and tried to focus on the soccer game in front of him, but his eyes were blurred by tears. He was sitting between Terry and Ryker, and they both turned toward him, as they heard his sigh. He rose, uncomfortable under their gaze; uncomfortable under the gaze of everyone who knew the entire game had been rearranged for him; for his family. He could imagine the whispers, "That's him. His wife has cancer."

"I'm gonna get something to drink." He said rising suddenly, afraid he would burst into tears in front of everyone. He walked rapidly away, hoping he could get things under control before half time. He crossed the park in quick strides, finding himself on the opposite end near the playground equipment which was relatively abandoned.

"Here." He looked up, surprised to see that Ryker had followed him. He held out a handkerchief before settling next time him on the bench where Mike had collapsed.

"I didn't know people actually carried these things." He said accepting it, and wiping his face. "You are a classy guy."

Ryker shrugged.

"I should get back. Amy will be . . ." But he felt himself awash in a fresh wave of tears.

"Take it easy, Mike." Ryker said, his hand resting on Mike's shoulder. "I don't know how you've held up this long." He sat beside Mike a long time saying nothing at all, one hand firm on his shoulder. When he finally spoke again, his voice was uncharacteristically soft.

"The first time I saw the two of you together, it felt like a kick in the gut." Mike looked up surprised. "The way she watches you - you can see it - how much she loves you. And it reminded me so much of Mary Kate. She used to look at me like that." He sighed. "And I knew, right then, I was headed for trouble. I knew right then, that I wasn't going to be able to keep any sense of perspective. It was like traveling back in time and looking in the mirror. I know what it feels like to be loved like that - to love like that." He looked up at Mike. "I'm not a "modern" man. I don't watch Donahue or sit around and talk about feelings. That's why the whole program was a stretch for me. Cops who care? Cops who want to help? I had no business being in charge of something like that. Me? Mary Kate would have laughed so hard." He shook his head smiling and thinking about it.

"I feel guilty being so upset. She's still here. I still have her, and you . . ." Mike confessed.

"I know you do." He said quietly. "I know you think it was her - that she was the one that drew me to you; to your family. And you are partly right. She's so damn stubborn - kept trying to include me. She wore me down and I had to say yes. But I know why she pushed so hard. I know why she insisted on including me."

"What do you mean?" Mike asked.

"She knew how I felt." Ryker said simply, but seeing Mike's puzzled expression he continued. "She knew how I felt about _you_. You have always been the most important thing in the world to her. She reached out to me because of you." He shrugged, somewhat embarrassed. "I know your father didn't approve of your choices - the military, being a civil servant - and I hope his attitude changed before he died. But he was foolish. He was a foolish man not to recognize what a good son he'd raised. You are the kind of man who would make any father proud, Mike. That first day, even, at the Academy, you impressed me - so young but so devoted and determined. You've always made me proud. Always. Even in this, the way you take care of her; the way you love her - even the way you feel guilty and thinking about things from my perspective. You are a good man, and I'd be proud if you were son."

Mike sat back utterly surprised, and speechless. He'd already been lost in a sea of emotions and now, he felt utterly wrecked.

"Thank you, sir." He said his throat tight. "Thank you."

All he had ever wanted, his whole life long was his father to say those very words to him. Although, he'd made a peace with his father, shortly before his death, they'd never been able to settle this. His father had never, not once, Mike's whole life, said he was proud. Now, he realized suddenly that he was looking to the wrong man to say those words. He had always thought it was Jill that had captured Eddie Ryker, dragging him somewhat kicking and screaming into the Danko family. He was stunned to discover that it was him. He relaxed a little, feeling a tightness in his chest finally loosen - it had been there a long, long time.

They sat together a long time in silence. Mike fought to get his emotions under control, and Eddie simply waited patiently; supportive. After a few minutes, Mike finally found himself capable of speech again.

"We should get back. Amy will notice." He said at last.

"We should." Ryker agreed.

They rose together, and crossed the park side by side; father and son.

***R***

Jill Danko stood in front of the mirror in her bedroom trying to contemplate her reflection with an objective eye. It was not easy. The image reflected back was not perfect. It was marred. She chewed at the corner of her lip. She was still bandaged, but the difference was clear. It wasn't as if she had been going through life as a double D, and in fact in her younger days had mourned her small chest; now she would give just about anything to have it back.

She didn't mean to be ungrateful. She was happy beyond belief to be out of the hospital and home. It had been such a strain to be surrounded day after day with friends and well-wishers. She was a private woman in the grips of a deeply personal battle; trying to reconcile her drastically changed body, and how it would impact her world, her life; her husband. She understood that there were much worse types of cancers to have, but still it didn't change that she found it slightly embarrassing to talk about _breast_ cancer with _all_ of her friends and family. And everyone, well-meaning or not, was slightly curious. How would she look now? Would they be able to tell?

She studied her image, trying not to get caught up in the past. Her sister Amanda had pointed out to her time and again that Jill had always been thin and beautiful. She grew up hearing people around her say, "What a pretty child!" or "She's such a beautiful girl!" While she struggled with her skinny body, she was confident that the people around her found her pleasing to look at, and now, for the first time really, she wasn't so sure. It wasn't that she was vain - or maybe she was - she wasn't sure any longer. But it wasn't an area she thought much of. She could wear anything she wanted and it always looked nice, and she would brush out her shiny, dark hair, pleased at her image.

Now she was bald, her face puffy from the drugs. And she had one breast. It was pretty hard to accept. As for Mike, she knew his love was real and deep. Any man who could manage the things he had in the last few months, was clearly devoted. He'd cleaned up after her when she was sick, time and time again. He'd carried her to the bathroom when she'd been too weak to walk. He'd fed her ice chips in the hospital and patiently sat her bedside for hours on end, sleeping scrunched in an uncomfortable chair. He told her daily, no hourly, she was beautiful. But she didn't _feel_ beautiful and she wondered if she ever would again.

She let a slow sigh transfixed by her own reflection. The door opened and Mike stepped into the room.

"Honey, do you feel up to . . ." He froze seeing her standing there. "Hey, sweetheart." He said closing the door and moving to stand behind her. His eyes met hers in the mirror. "What are you thinking?" He asked wrapping his arms around her.

"I don't know." She said honestly.

"Wanna know what I'm thinking?" He asked her with one eyebrow raised. She nodded her head.

"I'm thinking, I'm the luckiest man in the world." He kissed her cheek, and turned her so she faced him. He took the shirt she'd been holding in her hands and draped it over her shoulders. She slid her arms into the sleeves and then he buttoned it carefully.

"I'm married to the most beautiful woman to ever take a breath. I've got three gorgeous daughters, who are smart and sweet, just like their mama. I guess things are pretty good." He said smiling at her.

"Danko," She said softly. "You might be leaving out some details."

"Nothing important." He grinned at her, and shaking her head at him, she melted into his arms, resting her head against his chest. "All our lives, everywhere we go, people stop to look you and they think, 'How the hell did that guy wind up with that beautiful woman!' It's hard not to be jealous."

"I'm pretty sure you don't have to worry about that anymore." She said into his collarbone.

"You don't see clearly just now." He said patiently. He turned her so she faced the mirror again, keeping his arms around her. "You see all the things that are missing - your hair, your breast. I see all the things that are there."

"What?" She asked quietly. "What do you see?"

"A fighter. The bravest person I know, and the sweetest, too. You got the purest heart, Jill. You are always looking for the good in folks - like Winfield." He raised an eyebrow. "And you are so loving - even now. You were so thoughtful of everyone else's feelings even at the hospital. You didn't want people to be upset or uncomfortable. You take care of them first. And you are such a good Mama. You know our girls so well, and you are so patient with them."

"Did you start the day drinking?" She asked trying to deflect him.

"Uh, uh. Don't do that. I'm serious Baby." He admonished her. "You don't like praise." He said with a laugh. "You always try and toss it aside. I don't know why that is, but it's true. You are good at everything you do, too. It's ridiculous. You are the best nurse at that hospital - everyone says so, and always has. Liz Conners can talk for hours about it. And you are the best cop's wife - the way you manage it - the stress and worry. How many women have you helped since I graduated? How many of them call you when the stress gets too much? Terry says they tell the wives during Academy training now - 'You got questions about how to be a cop's wife, call Jill Danko.'"

"I'm not . . .I don't . . ."

"And, you've got the longest legs I've ever seen. You wear a short skirt and I'm done for! You could ask for anything and I'd say yes. And you've got those ridiculously huge brown eyes. I'm glad that Kate and Amy have them, too. I love looking into your eyes, but not just because they are so beautiful. It's the way your eyes see me - as though I'm someone special." He paused, slightly embarrassed. "Well, that's what I see everytime I look at you. You are the most beautiful woman in the world; always."

Unable to speak, she looked again at her reflection trying to see herself as Mike did. Their eyes met in the reflection, and she wiped at the tears that ran down her face. He turned her toward him again, and pulled her close, but gently careful not to hurt her. He began to sway, saying nothing, but dancing with her even though there wasn't any music at all.

***R***

In the middle of everything, Lizzie Danko turned six. Her birthday party was held two days before Jill began what everyone prayed would be her final round of chemotherapy. She had recovered well from her surgery and had eliminated all drugs from her routine. It was the strongest and clearest she'd been since the whole ordeal began. She spent the day before the party baking and getting things ready. She was elbow deep in some sort of fairy wing project when she turned to Mike and said, "Chris is coming, right?"

"I don't think so Babe. Megan and the boys will be here so probably not." He explained.

They had somehow managed, mostly because of Jill's impressive diplomatic skills, to remain close to both Chris and Megan. Mike was the only one to visit Chris while he was at rehab. His young sons refused and Megan couldn't face him. The boys had leaned heavily on Mike when Chris had still been drinking, and even more so after he was finally sober. They'd needed a father figure to guide them through their pain and betrayal. And it was Mike, Megan had called at three in the morning on that horrible night so long ago. He arrived, Jill just a step behind, to find Chris angry, drunk and cursing. The boys were hiding in the space behind the stairs and Megan sat huddled on the couch crying, her face badly bruised.

Jill had surprised Mike. He thought there was no way she would ever, ever forgive Chris. But she tolerated his support of Chris, especially after rehab. Chris had even written a letter to Jill apologizing, but this was the first time she'd asked for him to come back to their house. She had spoken to him on the phone on many occasions and had met Mike and him for dinner once since that terrible, dark night. He'd visited her in the hospital twice but this was different.

"He should be here." She said looking up.

"You sure? Babe? It will be complicated."

"I've got cancer." She said cheerfully. "People have to do what I say. His part of our family and our family needs healing."

"Jill!" His eyes were wide with shock.

"Oh, yeah." She grinned at him. "I'm using it. I'm bald, twenty pounds too thin, and permanently deformed. I'm getting my way."

"I'll talk to him, but Baby, you've got to talk to Megan." He said unable to imagine the two of them in the same room. "How would you feel if I . . ."

"You would NEVER lay a finger on me, Michael." She cut him off sharply.

"I bet there was a time Megan would've said the same." He countered.

"No," She said. "Chris isn't like you. He's always had a well of anger. He used to yell at her, long before he drank."

"What?" He asked surprised.

"It was private." She explained. "Between us wives. He didn't manage the stress of work well. He didn't talk to her - not like you and me. He played the tough guy at home too."

"I'm not a tough guy?" He asked.

She laughed. "You're plenty macho, _Babe_." She hit the last word hard, emphasizing what some of her feminist friends had pointed out to her many times. "But you've got an openness, sweetheart. If you feel hurt, you tell me."

He considered this. He hadn't really thought much about his friend's marriage. He'd assumed that it was pretty much like his - which is why Chris' behavior had been so shocking. He could never, ever imagine a situation where he'd hurt Jill. The very thought made him physically ill.

"I'll talk to her. You talk to him."

***R***

It was always surreal to go back to the apartment complex. It had been their very first home. He passed apartment number twenty seven, remembering all those nights running up the stairs, happy to be home, rushing to her. He turned the corner and knocked at number thirty-five.

"Mike!" Chris said surprised. "Something hasn't happened, has it?"

"No." He shook his head. "You worry like an old woman!"

"You don't come by too often and the last time you did, it was to tell me James had a broken arm."

He stepped back and Mike followed him in. Stepping into the apartment was a time warp. The layout of Chris' apartment was the same as theirs had been, although it had been modernized years ago. Of course, apartment twenty-seven had been a real home with Jill's feminine touches everywhere - Chris' apartment was stark.

"So, what brings you out to bachelor-ville? I can't imagine you two are fighting."

"It's Lizzie's birthday party tomorrow and we were hoping you'd be there." Mike said.

"No." Chris said flatly without any hesitation.

"No? Just no?"

"You know why." Chris said leaning against the counter already angry.

"Jill asked me to ask you. _She _wants you there." Mike decided to go straight for the throat.

"Well, you'll have to explain it."

"Oh no! You can come back with me and tell her yourself. I'm not gonna. I'm gonna go home and tell her I invited you."

"Mike, don't. Megs will be there. I can't face her. I can't face the boys. Everyone will be . . ."

"Chris, I told you. Nobody knows. Megan, you, Ryker, me and Jill. I didn't even tell Terry." Mike reassured him. "It was a bad night. It was the bottom. But that guy is gone."

Chris sat down across from Mike in an easy chair, his head in his hands. "I can't do it, man. I can't. I _loved _her and I _hurt_ her. I can still see her eyes. I can't see her. I can't be in the same room and not _be_ with her. I'm too . . . I am so ashamed." He shook himself. "Tell Jill I am really, really sorry and that I so appreciate her inviting me but I can't be there."

"You still love her, man." Mike said. "You do.

"Ah, god dammit Mike! What the hell do you know about it? You and your goddam perfect marriage! Everything you do is so damn perfect!" Chris exploded.

"Yep. Everything's perfect in my house." Mike said pointedly, his voice cold. He rose furious. "So you come on over to my perfect house and look my bald wife in the eyes and tell her you aren't man enough to face your mistakes. You tell her she can't have her whole family - which is what _she_ called you - tell her she can't her family all in one place two days before she starts chemo again because it's just too damn hard on you! But you better do it soon. Cancer's a real fickle son of a bitch, and you never know what that bastard's gonna do." He left without waiting for a response slamming the door behind him.

He was too angry to go straight home. Jill would know and he couldn't explain it to her. He drove around for awhile and finally found himself pulling into Terry's driveway.

Terry's wife, Beth opened the door. The first day that Jill had met Beth, which happened to be Terry and Beth's third date, Jill had said, "He's going to marry her!"

Terry had a deep, brooding personality. Jill had always teased him telling him he needed to think less. He was quick to laugh but had a seriousness underneath. Beth was his mirror opposite. She was always smiling, always hopeful and quick to say, "Terry, let it go!"

She had visited Jill daily since her diagnosis and always seemed to lift Jill's spirits. If Mike hadn't already loved Beth before Jill's cancer, her support of Jill would've sealed it.

"Mike! Thank God!" She said seeing him. "He's got MJ out there in the garage with him - helping! I am not comfortable with my six year old handling power tools. Please talk him out of it!"

"Oh, MJ can handle it. He's a man." He said with a grin.

"You really want your namesake using a power saw?" She asked with one eyebrow raised.

"No!" He said horrified. "I'm on it! Can you do me a favor and call Jill? She wasn't expecting me to come here."

"I'll do better than that. I was just packing up all of Jenny's gear and heading over there." She smiled at him. "You carry out her playpen and I'll tell her in person. You think you boys can manage MJ?"

"I hope so."

He carried the playpen out and put it in the back of their Bronco. Beth carried eighteen month old Jenny out in her hip. She squealed and clapped her hands seeing Mike.

"Unca Mike!" She stretched her arms to him.

He smiled and lifted her out of her mother's arms.

"Princess Jen Jen!" He said kissing her forehead. Her bright green eyes gleaming with joy as he did.

"She's got the worst crush on you." Beth said laughing and shaking her head. "It's those damn eyes of yours." She lifted Jenny out of his arms.

"I've got nothing on her eyes!" He laughed.

She buckled Jenny into her carseat. "You alright, Mike?" She asked.

"Yeah." He said rubbing the back of his neck. "Thanks for taking such good care of Jill. It means a lot."

"Jill's easy to love." She said with a wide smile. "But I don't have to tell _you_ that, do I?"

He shook his head with a grin. "No, ma'am."

"Go on, don't let my baby boy cut off his arm." She pushed him toward the workshop around behind the garage.

"What are you boys doing?" He asked coming around the corner. MJ was contentedly hammering away at a block of wood.

"Michael! Aw, man did Beth call you? That woman! Like I'm gonna let MJ use a buzz saw!"

"I just happened by." Mike said. "Hey! Little Mike! What'd ya say?"

"Uncle Mike!" MJ smiled up at him. "I'm making Lizzie a present!"

"Oh! She'll love it!" Mike said.

"What's up man? You look stressed. Jill okay?"

"Yeah. She's good. Beth just headed that way to help with fairy projects, I guess." He sighed. "She wants Chris to come to the party."

"Oh!" Terry shook his head. "Leave to Nurse Danko to demand world peace."

"Yeah. I talked to him but . . ." He looked in the distance. "Sometimes talking to Chris is pretty hard."

"Yeah, it was easier when he was drunk all the time." Terry agreed. "I guess I'm a terrible person for thinking that, but honestly, most of the time it kind of was."

"Everything is so intense with him. I worry sometimes. He still carries so much guilt. I mean he earned it, but when is enough enough? I don't want him to start drinking again, but he is so bitter." Mike sighed.

"Why won't you tell me what happened? It's been years, man." Terry asked.

"I don't know. It was . . .at first I couldn't process it and then later, I was afraid if what you'd do if I told you. I still kind of am. You've got a temper Terry - especially when good people have been wronged. And he wronged them - Megan, James and Josh. He treated them badly. Besides, you had enough on your plate back then."

"Me?" Terry laughed. "I was a happy-go-lucky newlywed buying my first home in the suburbs."

"I think you might have forgotten some details." Mike said laughing.

"What? The KKK welcome committee? Shit! That weren't nothing! Happens to everyone right? I mean _you_ married a white girl, too. Same thing happened to you right?"

Mike shook his head. "It didn't seem fair to pile more on. I can't even think about that night, even now."

"He hit her." Terry said surprising Mike. "That's what I figure. It's the only thing that makes sense. I mean, Megan's a sweetheart - would forgive anyone of anything, so it had to be that he hit her. I know it wasn't the boys because we took them that first night, and they were fine. It had to be her. Plus, I don't think I've _ever_ seen Jill that pissed - not ever."

"She called us up at three in the morning, sobbing. Eddie had spent the night - he'd stayed late too tired to go back home, so we left the kids with him, and took off. I don't know why I let Jill come along. It was pretty stupid in hindsight. He was drunker than I'd ever seen him, and cursing up a storm. He could've hurt us both. I should've called the cops." Mike confessed.

"You are the cops." Terry said.

"The boys were hiding, and Megan was just sobbing - her eye was black already and she had bruises on her face and arms. I thought I was gonna have to hold Jill back. Thank God that girl doesn't carry a gun!" He shook his head, trying to free himself of the horrible memory. "I had to cuff him, Terry. He was swinging still - landed a good couple on me. Fortunately, he passed out pretty quick. Jill took Megan and the boys to our place. And I stayed with him and drove him to rehab as soon as the sun rose."

"I can't picture it. It is impossible to believe." Terry said. "I mean, I kind of always thought that's what happened, but he hurt her? Chris? He loved Megan."

"He still does." Mike sighed. "But Jill said he always had a temper. I don't remember that. I never noticed it, did you?"

"I don't know. It was so hard adjusting to him. Willie and me were like brothers, you know. Having a different partner was kind of hard to deal with. Maybe I should have done a better job with him. He never wanted to talk about stuff after. He acted like everything was no big deal. Even that time you got shot and we found Jill - he never talked about that." Terry said. "I met with the department counselor twice over that one. I was so sure it was too late, and we'd have to go and tell you she was gone, and then there she was - God she looked like hell! She just fell into my arms just shaking like a leaf, asking for you, if you were alright. I couldn't sleep that night, every time I closed my eyes, I could see her face, but he wouldn't even talk about it. All those cases too, the dead kids, the widows, the old ladies who'd had their whole fortunes taken, the car accidents - he's never once talked about it. We should have known he was struggling. We should have seen it, I guess."

"I don't know man, looking backwards doesn't do you any good. We were young. We had families and lives of our own. And you _did_ try and talk to him. And all of that is no excuse. You'd never hurt Beth." Mike looked up at him.

"No." Terry agreed. "We've had some fights! But the idea of it - makes me sick. I guess that's why it is hard to understand. I know why you didn't tell me. You've got too much respect for Megan. I'm amazed you've stuck by him, and that Jill would even want to be around him."

"Cancer puts things in perspective." Mike said flatly.

"It does that." Terry agreed. "Willie and I decided once, that if you ever got killed, we'd marry Jill."

"Really?" Mike said surprised. "Both of you."

"Yeah. Willie had a mormon cousin who'd do the ceremony. He had the worst crush on her!"

"Me too." Mike said. "I miss him."

"Yeah." Terry agreed. "You talk to Julie?"

"From time to time. Jill does. She called Jill a few weeks back. She'd heard Jill was sick. It's hard for her, I think. Painful. She has to move on, I guess."

"We all do. He'd be here now. He would've flown out as soon as he heard." Terry said. "He would've been able to make her laugh, too. He was good at that."

"Yeah." Mike rubbed a hand over his face. "You are supposed to be cheering me up, Webster. You are doing a pretty crappy job of it."

"I am." Terry agreed.

"Crappy!" Little Mike said looking up at his father and uncle.

"Great!" Terry said. "Don't talk like that MJ. Just because you've got the same name as Uncle Mike, doesn't mean you should talk like him."

"Don't say that word to your Mama, buddy." Mike said lifting the small boy into his arms. "So, what are we gonna do about Chris?"

"Nothing. You invited him?"

"Yeah, he turned me down." Mike said.

"It's up to him now. I can't imagine him wanting to face Megan again. I can't imagine him wanting to face Jill. But he knows she wanted him there. His decision about that is something he's gonna have to live with." Terry said.

"Yeah, I guess." He looked at MJ. "You are getting pretty heavy there buddy. You been eating lots of Wheaties?"

"I'm gonna be big and strong, just like you, Uncle Mike." He said with a grin.

"You wanna be tough? You wanna be a strong guy?" Mike asked him.

"Yes!" MJ shouted gleefully.

"You ought try and be like Auntie Jill then." Terry told his son. "Nobody tougher than her." He said with an eyebrow raised at Mike.

"Nobody." Mike agreed.

"Damn straight!" MJ said repeating a phrase he'd heard his father utter on more than one occasion.

"Beth's gonna kill me." Terry said with a sigh.

"Yes, sir." Mike agreed laughing.


	9. Chapter 9

Lizzie's birthday party proved to be one of the best days Mike Danko had experienced since he'd heard his wife's doctor say "cancer". Jill had allowed Lizzie to invite all the girls from her kindergarten class, as well as her other friends. She had spent the day before decorating so the house sparkled with silver, pink and purple streamers. It was a fairy land packed with little girls dressed as fairies. They rushed from room to room, cherubic smiles from ear to ear, giggling joyfully. He never could have imagined when he was crawling on his belly in the Mekong that he would one day be joyfully surrounded by the sweet laughter of little girls.

He glanced across the room as Jill handed another bright pink slice of cake to a purple fairy who reached out to her with tiny greedy fingers. Jill was smiling, something that had always melted his heart, but now her smile completely slayed him. She was wearing a long green dress, and her head was wrapped in a matching scarf. Her giant, brown eyes filled with laughter and joy, as their _six_ year old clapped her hands gleefully after being given a piece of cake with a flower on top.

If you had asked him a year ago about his best moment - he might have talked of the day he met Jill, or the day his girls were born. He might even had talked about being promoted at work or the time he saved that little boy who everyone believed to be dead. Now his answer would be completely different; "Seeing my wife smile - that's always my best day." It was strange that with all the complications that cancer had brought to their lives, it had brought a simplicity to it too. Nothing mattered to him more than this; Jill.

She caught his eye and he winked at her with a raised eyebrow. He wanted to go to her then and wrap his arms around her, but recognized that it might interfere with Lizzie's party.

"She looks so good." Liz Conners said, standing beside him. "She looks so happy."

"Yeah. She's beautiful." He said and cleared his throat afraid his emotions would spill over into tears.

"Next year's party will be even better." Liz said reaching out and gently squeezing his arm.

"It will." He agreed firmly. Liz moved on to help with serving the cake, and Mike went outside to where Terry was still cooking hot dogs.

"Nobody told me six-year-old girls could eat four hot dogs. That's crazy! These girls are tiny and they could out eat me!" Terry said turning to Mike. "I've been at this grill for a solid hour!"

Mike handed him a beer. "When Amy was four she ate half a pizza - all by herself. They are the tiniest things - skinny, like Jill, but geez, can they pack it away!"

"No, Chris?" Terry asked, and Mike shook his head taking a swig of beer.

"I can't really blame him. It'd be pretty hard to look Megan in the eye."

"He should though. It should be part of his steps." Terry said.

"It is." Mike said. "But maybe not at a six-year old's birthday party in front of all the friends who are still pretty pissed at you."

"I suppose you've got a point." Terry said adding the last hot dog to the plate. "That's it man! If they are hungry they can eat their fairy wings! I'm done."

It was as Lizzie had just opened her last gift, that Chris stepped anxiously into the house. The older kids were outside playing basketball in the driveway, so Mike didn't see Josh or James react to their father's arrival, but he was sitting beside, Megan on the couch when her ex-husband stepped into the living room. He heard her quick intake of breath, and looking down could see her hands shaking. He reached over and gently took her hand. She latched on in a tight grip.

"Chris!" Jill said turning and smiling at him. She didn't hug him. Mike noticed that. Jill was a big hugger, so it was noticeable. Then again, about a year ago, he couldn't imagine Jill standing less than three feet from Chris without a knife in her hands, so this was a pretty big improvement.

"I wanted to wish Lizzie a happy birthday." He said, his voice uncharacteristically weak.

"She just ran out back with the girls." Jill said. "Come on, I'll show you." Jill led Chris across the room and out the back door. Mike glanced at Megan, who had released her death grip on his hand and let out a long, slow breath.

"You okay?" He asked her quietly.

"Yeah." She said softly. "The things I'll do for your wife." She said shaking her head and wiping the stray tears that had escaped. "I hope she appreciates it."

"She does." Mike said gently. "And I do too, Megan. I'm sorry. This must be hard."

"No, facing him in court was hard. This is . . ." She considered for a moment. "This is okay. I thought seeing him again would be awful, but when I imagined him, I thought he'd look like before when he was drinking."

"He looked pretty bad back then." Mike agreed.

"But he looks better now. He looks good, doesn't he? He seems like he's doing alright."

"He is." Mike said. "He goes to a meeting just about every day. He's doing a lot better."

"Good." Megan said softly. "I'm glad." She looked over at Mike. "It must be hard for you to understand, but he's someone I cared about, and I care about him still even in spite of all . . ."

"You don't owe _me_ any explanations, Meg. He was your husband, and beside, I was there."

"Yeah." She sighed. "You were. But those days are behind us now. Better days ahead - for everyone." She smiled at him and rising moved to help clean up.

Mike sat back amazed that Jill had somehow even managed to pull _this _off. Megan and Chris in the same space without any yelling or crying. He rose and stood watching as Megan moved across the room to gather up the discarded wrapping paper. He crossed to where she was, and holding her by her elbow, kissed her on the cheek.

"We love you Megan - you and the boys." Mike said surprising himself.

Her green eyes filled with tears, and she swallowed twice before responding, "Thank you, Mike. You've been good to us - you and Jill." She looked out the sliding glass door where Chris was talking to Lizzie and smiling. "And you've been good to him, too. Thank you."

***R***

"Well, curing cancer should be a snap after that." Mike said collapsing next to Jill on their bed. She sat up in bed, reading. She wore reading glasses now, which Mike found adorable. She often got cold at night too, so she slept wearing one of his dull, grey stocking caps from basic training. Somehow, she could make even that old hat look feminine.

"Oh, it was just a birthday party, Mike." She said glancing up at him dismissively.

"That was some birthday party. I kept waiting for the elephants and clowns to show up. You know how to throw a good shindig, Mrs. Danko." He teased her. "But that isn't what I meant. He said good-bye to her. Did you see that? They stood not two feet from each other and had a perfectly civil conversation."

Jill set her book down in her lap. "I saw. He still loves her." Jill sighed. "It's really, really sad."

"But maybe . . ." Mike said.

"I don't think so. She loves him, too, but it would be a really hard thing to forget."

"Yeah, I guess so." Mike said thoughtfully. "Besides, I always thought she was way out of his league. Still, it was a really good thing you did."

"The up-side to hovering right around death's door." She said with a wry smile.

"Jillian!" He said sternly.

"Michael." She said with a grin. "Lighten up, sweetheart."

He shook his finger at her. "I do not appreciate you joking about . . ."

"Oh, shut up and kiss me!" She said with a laugh. "I start chemo in two more days, you better make your move while you still can."

"Listen, Babe," He began trying to make his point, but then he considered the situation carefully. "Okay, but later, I'm gonna fight with you."

She laughed, wrapping her arms around him, and pulling him close. "I'll pencil you in."

***R***

Jill Danko sat back in the chair with a sigh. She tried to avert her eyes from the IV bag. Watching it drip never made it go any faster. The first time she had chemo, she had been terrified, and unsure. Now, it was just boring. The first day of treatment was like this. She didn't feel sick and therefore felt frustrated. There were so many things she could be doing! She glanced up and sighed. Half-full. She turned back to the book in her lap and tried to concentrate on the page, again.

"For someone so sick, you look pretty bored." Liz Conners said pulling a chair next to Jill.

"You caught me." Jill said laughing.

"Where's your boyfriend?" Liz asked looking around.

"Work." Jill said. "Cancer or not the Danko girls are gonna need pretty dresses."

""Can't argue with that." Liz said. "So, how do you feel?"

"Right now, I'm fine, but talk to me tomorrow right around one o'clock." Jill said. "I can't complain. A few more weeks, and chemo will be behind me."

"Good. I can't say I don't love having all this time with you, but I'd rather have you back on the floor. They could use a good nurse." Liz said.

"When are you going to retire?" Jill asked.

"I don't know. Now, you sound like Bob." Liz said with a sigh.

"He's been pretty patient." Jill pointed out.

"I know." Liz agreed. "It's hard to give up. Every day I go to work and do something that really matters. How could retirement compare to that?"

"Give it a try." Jill said laughing. "You might find you like it. You've worked long enough. You could go see Lucy and Jason."

"I feel like a third wheel. They are sweet, but I just remind them of the past."

"It's not like you to be down." Jill said. "I _know_ Jason is happy to see his grandma, and you are connected. You like her new husband. You told me so."

"I do. He's a good man, and Jason needs a father . . ." She looked out the window. "It was today."

"What?"

"Bobby. It was today."

"Oh." Jill said with wide eyes. "I'm sorry, Liz."

"It's hard to believe it. But it was ten years ago today. I was at their house, thank God, and holding Jason. He was so tiny then. I looked out the window, and saw the police car and the sergeant walking to the door." She blinked and shook herself. "I don't know why I'm brooding so much today. I'm sorry." She glanced at Jill who had bright tears in her eyes. "Oh, now I've done it. Mike will kill me if I ruin your good mood."

"You don't have to pretend to be cheerful for my sake. You and I, we've been down a hard road together. You've held _my_ hand far too many times to hide when you feel bad."

"So, you are gonna cheer me up, now?" Liz asked with a raised eyebrow. "The cancer girl?"

"Yep." Jill grinned.

"You know, Danko, you're a real pill."

"I can't tell you how many people tell me that."

***R***

Mike had it all planned. Her last chemo appointment was Thursday. She'd feel pretty awful straight through until late Saturday. Sunday he'd drop the girls off at the Lake House. They'd spend the day pushing their grandfather around, and eating entirely too much junk food. Meanwhile, he'd tuck Jill into the car and drive up the coast to their favorite spot. He'd been saving a bottle of champagne from their wedding. It had been a surprise gift from his father who was not known for being thoughtful or generous. He gave them three bottles.

"_Save one for when your last child leaves home." He told Mike. "One should be for your fiftieth anniversary."_

"_What about the other one?" Mike had asked. "You gave me three."_

"_Save that one for when you need it. You'll know."_

"_You sound like a man speaking from experience." _

"_Oh, I am. Remember that time I cost the firm that big account and nearly got fired? Maybe you don't. You were pretty young. Anyway, when they decided to keep me on, your Mom and I drove out to the pier and drank the whole thing." His father said, smiling at the memory._

His father was right. He knew that _this_ was just the right time. He couldn't wait to pour a glass and make a toast to the future . . .

Unfortunately, Jill's white blood cells hadn't heard about his plans. On her last day of treatment, her numbers plummeted.

"We need to admit her." The doctor told him. "It would be too dangerous for her to leave the hospital. Her immune system is incredibly vulnerable."

"But it's her last treatment." Mike sounded like Lizzie when she was told it was time for bed.

"Her body has been through so much in the last ten months. I am quite surprised it hasn't happened before. We'll pump her full of antibiotics, keep her isolated, and see if we can't get those numbers to improve. She's pretty out of it right now, and probably will be for a few hours. It's best she rests anyway." The doctor said cheerfully, and with a nod walked away.

Mike was furious. He'd been a good sport. He'd waited patiently. He'd run the house to the best of his ability and had even become an expert lunch maker. He could even braid the girls hair, but this was his big moment; the pay off. Last day of chemo, walk out the doors, and never look back - ride off into the sunset with his girl. They were supposed to tip their champagne glasses and kiss while doves flew into the sunlight. Alright, the doves were probably too much but still . . he found himself storming away from the doctor and out the doors of the cancer center, cursing. He hadn't even realized that he'd left the parking lot until he looked up and realized that he was in the middle of the city.

_Ah, hell! _He thought. Not only had he abandoned his sick wife, who had just been admitted to the hospital, he'd disappeared on his entire family. He glanced down at his watch, and saw that he'd been walking for hours.

He continued on, glancing around, looking for a pay phone. He'd better call . . .who the hell was he gonna call? Jill? Amanda? He turned a corner and found a pay phone. He stood staring at the numbers for a good twenty minutes trying to decide who to call. Reluctantly, he finally dialed.

***R***

The first time Jill Danko opened her eyes, she saw Terry Webster sitting beside her.

"Hey there!" He grinned at her. "You thirsty?"

She shook her head, moving slightly. "I feel awful. What happened?"

"Your white blood count bottomed out. They were worried about infection, you had a low grade fever. It got pretty high there for a bit. It's down some." He rose and stood beside her.

"Where's Mike?"

"Uh, I'm not sure." Terry glanced around nervously, stalling. "He stepped out and uh, I'll go look."

"No." She said softly. "That's ok." She smiled up at him. "Beth with the girls?"

"Yep." Terry said. "I'd give you a kiss Jill, but we aren't allowed to touch you." He shrugged.

"They had to admit me?" She asked looking around.

"Yeah, but just tell your numbers are better. Well, and then you got that fever. It might be a few days yet. Don't worry about it Jill. The docs say it happens sometimes." He wanted to reach over and hold her hand, but knew he was supposed to keep his distance.

"Mike probably didn't manage the news too well." She said softly.

"Yeah, he uh, well he just needs a little time, okay, Jill?" Terry said, ignoring the doctor's orders and reaching to hold her hand. "You know him, honey. He'll be here. It was kind of a blow. He hates seeing you sick."

"Mike's a wreck isn't he?" She asked him.

"Listen, baby," Terry said. "We got Mike. You just get better."

"Thanks Terry." She said closing her eyes. "Thanks so much."

"You're welcome, honey. You just keep breathing in and out, and we'll take care of the rest."

***R***

"Don't take this the wrong way, Danko." Ryker said striding toward where Mike sat waiting on a park bench. "Sometimes you are a real jackass."

"Yes, sir." Mike agreed.

"Everyone was in a complete panic. Your only saving grace is that Jill was too sick to really be conscious."

"What?" Mike asked. "She's . . ."

"She's got a fever; a cold they think. It was a good thing they had admitted her. But, she's doing fine. The doctor said her numbers are already starting to improve. She's worn out. She just needs to rest. But it is nice that you decided ask."

"Don't be a jerk." Mike said without thinking, and then realized what he'd said. "I'm sorry, sir. I'm sort of out of sorts."

"I picked up on that." Ryker said with a shake of his head. "Besides it was a jerky thing to say. I know you love the girl, and so does she. So, why did you decide to disappear?"

"I dunno." He ran a hand over his face. "I don't want to talk about it."

"That's a good plan. It's been working great for you so far."

"What are you talking about?"

"Listen, I'm the last man to criticize the strong, silent, macho man, but you've taken it to the extreme." Ryker told him. "I think it might be time for a pretty serious break down."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Mike felt an unreasonable fury bubbling up.

"That's better."

"You want me to get hysterical?" Mike said rising and swinging his arms wide. "You think I don't want to? I haven't got time for it! I've got a pile of medical bills that I've got no idea how we're gonna pay off. I've got three little girls who are crying for their Mama wanting to know if she'll be around! You know, Kate's convinced that she's gonna have cancer some day! And the one person I could always talk to when I was stressed out, is lying on some goddam hospital bed because the medicine they've been giving her to make her better has completely wiped out her immune system! If some idiot steps in that room and sneezes - I'll spend the next afternoon trying to find three black dresses for her babies to wear at her funeral!" Mike was yelling now. A couple who had been playing with their dog nearby, packed up their picnic gear and moved away. "Yeah! That's right! Better run away from the hysterical crazy man! He won't hurt you, though! He's just pissed as hell that his wife has goddam cancer!" He yelled after them. He turned around and glared at Ryker. "Happy?"

Before Ryker could answer, Mike turned from him.

"It's not fair! Goddammit! She's supposed to be getting better! This is it! We made it through! I've got the whole thing planned and . . .ah, hell!" He turned and slammed his fist into a nearby tree.

"Alright, alright." Ryker said with a hand on his shoulder. "Sit down, sit down." He maneuvered Mike back to the park bench. Mike sat down heavily. His head in his one good hand. Ryker sat beside him.

"You break it?" Ryker asked at last.

"Yeah, I think so." Mike said resigned. "Great! Another medical bill!"

"Feel better?"

Mike sighed. "I don't know. Maybe a little bit. You must think I'm a total screw up." He shook his head. "I don't know, maybe Chris had the right idea."

"I can't think of a man less like you, than Chris." Ryker said with a sigh. He put a hand on Mike's shoulder. "You are devoted, Mike. One hundred percent to whatever you set your hand too - the Air Force, the Police Force, your daughters, Jill."

Mike ran his good hand over his face. "I don't know man."

"I do. You've kept it together for a really long time, and today was a pretty big disappointment."

"Pretty bad time to come undone."

"Seems like the perfect time to me." Ryker sighed.

"It is so unfair! She's so good." Mike's voice was shaky with tears. "You know anyone better than her?"

"Just one." Ryker said softly.

"God! I'm sorry." Mike said with wide eyes. "I've got no . . ."

"I'm the one man on earth you don't have to explain this to." Ryker said. "Go ahead and curse the sky; you're right. It's unfair. It is the goddam most unfair thing there is. If there's a reason to scream, curse and break your hand, having that sweet girl wreaked with cancer would be it."

Mike held his jaw tight, fighting for control. "If she dies . . ." His voice shook with rage.

"If she dies, you'll take care of her girls." Ryker interrupted. "You are a stronger man than me, and like I said, you are devoted. You'll get up every morning and do what needs to be done because you love her, and always, always will."

Mike looked over at Ryker, who turned his face quickly away, wiping stray tears as he did. "Wanna curse some more? Smash something?"

"Nah." Mike said exhaling. "You think someone called the cops on the crazy guy in the park?"

"We are the cops." Ryker said with a wry grin. "Come on, we better get that hand looked at." He rose and Mike slowly followed him.

***R***

The next time she opened her eyes, Jill Danko found her sister Amanda, sitting beside her..

"Well, hey! Is that Jill Danko?" Amanda asked with a grin. "It can't be. I've never seen that girl sit still for more than twenty minutes."

"I'm an expert at laying around now." Jill said. She moaned slightly. "I must be doing better because I feel a hell of alot worse."

"Yeah, your fever finally broke. They think you are on the downside of an infection. They've got you so full of meds, it's a wonder you can open those big, brown eyes of yours." Amanda said.

"How's Mike?" Jill asked her sister.

"Ryker's with him." Amanda sighed. "To be honest, I'm kind of ticked off at him, just now. It's hard to blame him. He's such a good man, but Jilly! He wasn't here and . . ."

"Give it a rest, Amanda! He's been through hell and you know it. He's allowed to screw up once in awhile. He didn't leave me alone." Jill said.

"I'm sorry. You're right. Lie still. You can't get upset. The doctors will kick me out."

"You keep talking like that and they won't have to - I will." Jill said through clenched teeth, but then she relented. "I'm sorry Amanda. You don't understand. Mike's a fixer, and he can't fix this. He's been so frustrated and so angry, but he can't show me that. It is different for us. We've always shared everything; always. And his anger; his pain - he's had to manage it himself."

"I know." Amanda said quietly.

"Eddie will set him straight. It was my last treatment." She sighed. "We were supposed to go home and never come back. He must be heartbroken."

"What about you? It's happening to _you_, Jill." Amanda said bitterly.

"Mike and I, we're the same person, 'Manda. It's happening to _him._" She looked over at her older sister.

"Paul and I never had that." Amanda said quietly.

"I know." Jill sighed. "He'll be here just as soon as he gets it under control. That's the worst part. He's broken, and I can't comfort him. I could manage losing my hair and my breast, but its robbing me of helping my best friend, and that really, really makes me . . ."

"Come on, Jill." Amanda said worriedly. "You need to relax and rest. Don't worry about Mike. You are right. He'll be here. Just rest, okay? I'm sorry I said anything."

***R***

The next time Jill Danko opened her eyes, she had a pounding headache, but she felt much more lucid than she had in the past. She looked up to see Marlene, one of the nurses she had trained, adjusting her IV.

"Hey! You are awake! How do you feel?" Marlene asked her.

"Headache." Jill said softly, "but better, I guess."

"We'll get some Tylenol for you. It's the downside to coming off some of the meds they've been giving you. You know that." She smiled at her. "You _taught_ me that."

"The infection cleared up?" Jill asked.

"Yep. Your white blood count is up too. They are finally talking about letting you get out of here." Marlene said.

"What day is it?" Jill asked.

"Saturday morning." She glanced up at the clock. "It's about 4 a.m."

"I lost Friday somewhere." Jill said lifting a hand to her face. "You seen my husband anywhere?"

"Oh yeah! He hasn't left your side since you showed up." She stepped away from the chair she'd been standing in front of, and revealed Mike, asleep behind her. "He probably finally crashed about an hour ago. I can try and wake him."

"No, that's okay. He's probably worn out." Jill said. "Let him sleep." She pulled herself to a sitting position and gazed down at him. He looked completely uncomfortable, but he'd become an expert at sleeping in hospital chairs. He needed a shave and probably a bath. She looked at his wrist.

"Why does he have a cast on his arm?" She asked suddenly alarmed.

"I'm not sure." Marlene said. "He showed up that way late Thursday. I didn't ask."

Marlene turned to go. "You need anything else? How about some juice? You must be hungry."

"That would be good." Jill said, her eyes still on Mike.

"Oh, the Deputy Chief is hanging around outside. Should I let him in?" Marlene asked as she held the door open.

"Yes, please." Jill said.

Ryker stepped into the room with a glance at Mike. He raised an eyebrow at Jill, and moved close, standing beside her bed.

"You finally woke up." He said.

"They gave me some pretty strong meds, I think." She said.

"Well, you had a pretty high fever." Ryker said moving to sit on the side of her bed. "How do you feel now?"

"Tired, and a little bit worried." She glanced over where Mike still slept. "You gonna tell me about the cast?"

"No." Ryker said softly. "Secrets between men." He winked at her. "You are better, he's okay now."

"Eddie . . ." She began.

"Don't start, Jill. A man's entitled to a few secrets now and again. And you don't have to worry. I was with him."

"Okay," She turned her eyes away from Mike, and smiled at Eddie, reaching for his hand. "You doing alright?"

Ryker said nothing, but simply dropped his head. He was silent for a good few minutes, and then slowly shook his head before looking up at her with bright eyes. "See, that's the whole problem, darlin'," He said huskily. "We're trying to manage things, and then you have to be so damn sweet. It makes us pretty angry about everything."

"Hmph." She said softly considering this. "Mad enough to hit a wall?"

"Or a tree." Eddie said. "Whatever is available."

She squeezed his fingers. "Well, I guess I'll work on being a little bit meaner."

"No chance of that." Eddie told her. "It's just not in your nature. Besides, those tests are gonna come back and you'll be free of all this, and we can go back to taking you for granted."

"That sounds so nice."

"You need anything?" He asked her.

"Uh, uh." She settled back against the pillows, still holding his hand. "I'm gonna fall asleep again."

"That's okay." He told her. "Mike's not waking up anytime soon. They gave him pain meds for his wrist, and he was worn out as it was."

"You stay 'til I'm asleep?" She asked closing her eyes.

"Of course, sweetheart." He said softly. "If you don't mind, I might even stay a little longer than that." He leaned over and kissed her forehead.

"Thanks, Eddie." She said drowsily. "Especially for being there for him."

"It's my pleasure, honey - and besides, we're family." She smiled at his words even as she drifted back to sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Mike Danko stood next to his wife's hospital bed, watching her sleep. In the last ten months, he had stood in this spot so many times. He had always loved to watch her sleep, but now he spent countless hours watching the steady rise and fall of her chest, afraid that it would stop if he looked away. His wrist ached but he didn't want to take another pain pill because they made him drowsy. He ran the fingers of his left hand along the soft, smooth skin of her face. Her brown eyes flicked open and seeing him she smiled. His heart seemed to stop briefly as he watched recognition dawn over her beautiful features. She smiled whenever she saw him - every time - for over sixteen years.

"Hey, Baby." He said smiling back.

"Hi." She whispered softly.

"You feel okay? Need something?"

She shook her head. "Just you."

"You got me." He sighed and stalling fussed over her covers, making sure she was tucked in, and warm. Finally, he said, "I'm sorry I disappeared for a bit. I was . . ."

"No, I'm sorry sweetheart, I know you must of been so disappointed."

"Don't . . . Don't . . . After I . . . I'm the one who's sorry, Baby. I never should have . . . aw, goddammit!" He turned away from her trying to get a grip on the emotions that overwhelmed him. He ran a hand over his face, wiping away tears.

"Sweetheart," She said softly. "Mike, come here. Mike, please."

He wanted to leave the room so he could hide his anguish from her but he knew that would hurt her deeply. He swallowed hard, deeply frustrated.

"Michael! Honey, I can't get out of bed. Come here!" He could hear the frustration in her voice that she was confined to a bed and unable to do what she wanted. It wounded him to think she was frustrated and so he immediately stepped back, turning to face her. He kept his eyes down, hidden.

She reached for his hand and held it tightly in hers. "I don't suppose you want to talk about it, huh?"

He shook his head, and she sighed. She ran her fingers along his face, rubbing the line of his cheekbone. Finally she said, "Nice cast," but he didn't respond; too ashamed - too shattered. "Tough guy, huh?" She asked. "Aw, Mike, I wish . . ."

"I wish about ten million things." He said suddenly interrupting her. "No, that's not true." He corrected himself. "I wish just one thing."

"Me too." She said.

"I bet it's the same thing." He whispered.

"I wish you weren't in so much pain. I wish you weren't hiding it from me." She said and her eyes brimmed with tears, and he could feel every piece of his shattered heart, stabbing him from somewhere deep inside. Her goodness and sweetness too much to bear. He looked up, meeting her eyes then, his face still streaked with tears; his tears still falling.

"That's two things."

"Don't nitpick, sweetheart." She smiled recognizing that he was attempting to lighten the mood, but he could still see the pain of all the things unsaid between them.. "I miss being the one you'd turn to."

"You still are." He said huskily.

"But you aren't talking to me." She reached out and ran a hand over his chest. "You want to tell me about that cast?"

"No. Listen, Baby, I can't . . . You don't tell me everything, either." He considered her thoughtfully, sitting on the edge of the bed facing her.

She sighed. "No, I don't." She looked down, rubbed her face with her hand, and then met his eyes and gripping his arms, said fiercely, "I love you so much, Mike. I can't bear how hurt you are and I'm so sick of it all! I hate being weak! I hate that I haven't seen the girls in two days! I hate it! I hate lying in this bed as our whole life drifts by. I hate it! It's so . . ." She stopped herself taking a deep gulp of air. He watched her fight it as she willed herself to remain in control.

He leaned in and kissed her, "Say it, Jilly. You haven't said it, not once." His voice was barely a whisper.

"I shouldn't." She whispered back, already ashamed. "Lots of people have it worse."

"It's still true. Say it, Baby. It's just me. I'll never tell a soul." He held her face in his hands preventing her from looking away.

"It's so unfair." Her voice was so soft that he could barely hear it. Her eyes filled with tears and he rested his forehead against hers. "It is so unfair."

"Yes." The word came out of him like the exhaling of a breath. "And I want to change it so badly, and I hate that I'm powerless. I _hate_ it." He inched his face away from her so he could see her.

"I know, Mike. I'm sorry." She whispered reaching out with gentle fingers and wiping the tears that fell from his face.

"I'm sorry, too Baby. I'm sorry for so much. For leaving you waiting all those nights. For just letting you worry and expecting you to manage it. I'm sorry for that goddam stupid fight over those lamps! God! I was such an ass! It was thirty-seven damn dollars! I'm sorry for that time I got so obsessed with making sure Pip Brent was alright - I should have thought of _you_ first. That was stupid and you were so patient. And I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from Wainz. I'm so sorry about that first baby. And I'm sorry . . . God, Baby, I'm sorry for about ten thousand things."

"Mike, easy." She said soothingly.

"I just never, ever want to take you for granted, Jill. I don't. You are my whole world. I couldn't . . . I can't live a life without you beside me, I can't. And I'm terrified I'll have to. I'm so scared that I'll have to raise those girls without you, and I can't do it. I know I can't. You make our life work. You make it home, you always, always have." He was sobbing now, and had completely surrendered to it. She pulled him forward into her arms, and he held her tightly to him, as they wept together.

"What if the tests aren't good?" She asked quietly. "What if it isn't over?"

"Then we'll keep fighting it. You and me. Together."

She nodded her head, trying somehow to find a way to accept that this fear _might_ come true. She looked into his deep, beautiful, familiar blue eyes, and wanted nothing more than to spend years and years and years continuing to do just that. Even if she closed her eyes, she could still see his eyes - could remember every inch of him - she knew him so well. "No matter what happens, Mike, I'll always love you, even if I'm not here to . . ."

"Baby, don't . . ." But he was lost again in sobs, unable to stop it.

"Shh. Shh." She whispered softly into his ear, and even in this he recognized that she was the stronger one - comforting him in his utter brokenness. It only made him weep all the more.

"A thousand years wouldn't be enough, Jilly. Eternity would be too short." He managed between sobs.

***R***

Terry Webster held tightly to Beth's hand as they made their way down the all too familiar hospital corridor. He glanced at the side of her face, and with a grin leaned over and kissed her.

"What's that for?" She asked him.

"It's just I am pretty fond of you." He said with a grin.

"Please don't tell my husband!" She said laughing and startling a nearby nurse who had been watching them shocked. Terry saw the nurse's quick look of displeasure, and winked at Beth. Looks from strangers were pretty familiar to the Websters.

He released her hand, and wrapped an arm around her, keeping her close to him. "Bethie, after we visit, let's not pick the kids up from your mom's right away. I'll take you out on a date first."

"A date?" She asked. "That's sweet, hon, but I've got a ton of laundry and . . ."

"Baby, laundry can wait. You've been so good to Jill, and working so hard. How about an afternoon just for you?"

They reached Jill's room then and with a gentle knock Terry pushed open the door, but froze as soon as he stepped inside. They hesitated for just a moment, and Terry heard Beth's sharp intake of breath. She slipped out of his arm and quickly set the flowers she'd brought on the nightstand and then went out into the hallway.

Terry remained a beat longer, starring. It had unnerved Beth at first, how comfortable Terry was around Mike and Jill. She'd been surprised that Jill had put up with Terry hanging around so much.

"_You ought to give that girl some privacy." She had remarked._

"_What? What do you mean?" He'd been genuinely confused. He was always over there - especially after Willie left. It never mattered if they were watching tv or reading the paper, or if Jill was hanging around her bathrobe. He felt at home._

"_You are always over there. She might want to kiss her husband from time to time." Beth explained._

"_Oh, they don't mind me. She'll kiss him if she wants to." He grinned at her. "And then Mike throws me out. We're like brothers."_

He gazed at his brother now, asleep, arms curled protectively around his beloved wife. They looked so peaceful, and Terry shook his head slightly, stepping back and closing the door. Even sound asleep one thing was abundantly clear: Mike and Jill Danko were deeply in love.

He looked up to see Beth waiting for him. She said nothing as he approached which surprised him. He expected to be corrected for butting in on his friends. He looked at her face and saw she was chewing at the corner of her lower lip, her tell-tale sign of stress.

"Hon?" He asked wrapping his arm around her. She buried her face in his chest, clinging tightly to him.

"This better be over." She whispered. "It better be gone." Her voice cracked on the last word and he rubbed gentle circles on her back as she quietly cried. "I couldn't bear it if she . . ."

"Shh. Beth. It's okay, sweetheart. Jill's gonna be fine. You'll see."

"You can't know that! No one does! Just because we want it to be true . . ." Beth said.

"Believe me, baby, she's gonna be alright." He said again, confidently.

"How can you be so sure?" She asked looking up into his eyes.

"Because," He hesitated, unsure that she'd believe him. "I had a dream and . . ." He paused remembering how clear the dream had been and remembering how much it had comforted him. "And I saw Willie, and he promised me she would be just fine. He promised."

She studied him, watching his dark eyes grow bright with tears. He met her gaze, and then blinking away his tears, he smiled at her self-consciously. She reached out with and stretching up on her tiptoes, she pulled him close, kissing him.

"Well, Willie never lied to you when he was alive. I doubt being dead would change things." She smiled up at him.

"I love you, Bethie." He whispered hugging her tightly to his chest, deeply comforted that she understood.

***R***

Late Sunday afternoon, Kate Danko left her younger sisters playing in the backyard and wandered into the kitchen of the Webster home. She found Terry sitting at the table eating his lunch.

"Kate!" He said smiling at her. "You hungry?"

"No. What are you eating?" She asked without really looking.

"Sandwich, but I'll share my pickles with you." He held out a sliced sweet pickle to her.

"Gross!" She said wrinkling her nose in disgust and stepping back. "Pickles are gross!"

"They are?" He looked at her in surprise. "I have always liked them. No one ever told me! I didn't know they were gross." He dropped the pickles back on his plate dramatically. "It's a good thing you are here."

"Uncle Terry." She said irritated, but he just smiled at her.

"Where's everybody else?" He asked.

"Backyard. Aunt Bethie's watching 'em." She said sitting in the chair across from him with a sigh. "When do you think Mommy will come home?"

"I don't know. The doctors think maybe Wednesday." He said setting his lunch down. "I know it's hard, honey, but they want to make sure she is good and strong before they let her come home."

"I know."

He studied her thoughtfully. Her long, brown hair fell over her face and he reached out to push it back so he could see her eyes. The move always made him think of Jill and the way Mike would reach out and push her hair away from her face. He had only known them a few days the first time he'd seen Mike do it, and he'd been shocked by it. It was such a personal and intimate gesture that he had felt like an intruder and had left almost immediately.

"You worrying again?" He asked her.

Beth had found her sitting on the floor of their closet yesterday, breathing rapidly. It had taken the both of them nearly an hour to get her calmed down. Seeing her so frightened had really worried him. Now, he was checking up on her almost constantly.

She shrugged. "I don't know. I just . . .I miss them, I guess. I _understand_ she has to stay, but Daddy said she'd be home and it would all be over. He promised." She swallowed. "Now I sound like Amy. I sound like a baby."

"No, you don't." He scooted his chair closer and put his hand on her arm. "You should be upset. It was pretty upsetting. I'm upset about it. Your Daddy's upset about it. We all expected it to be different. We expected it to be over by now, and she's still in the hospital."

"I thought she was all better, and then Grandpa said she had to stay! I don't think it will ever be all gone. Everytime she goes to the doctor something bad happens. Maybe she just shouldn't go anymore! I don't want her to die." Kate whispered. "If she were dying, you'd tell me, wouldn't you? Please, Uncle Terry. Don't lie to me like I'm a little kid."

Terry swallowed twice, and then pulled her up and onto his lap. She rested her brown head against his shoulder.

"No. She's not dying. In fact, she's feeling so much better she's driving everyone crazy because she wants to be home with you." He kissed her forehead. "I promise, Kate. I would tell you. Your Daddy would, too."

Kate Danko let out a long, slow sigh. "I wish there wasn't any cancer. No one should be sick like Mommy."

"I wish the same thing." Terry said softly.

"Uncle Terry?" Kate asked quietly.

"Yes?"

"My whole life, you'll always be my uncle right? _You_ won't go away will you?"

"They'd have to drag me away." He told her, confused by her worry over this.

"I miss Uncle Willie." She said looking at him.

"Oh, me, too." Terry said finding his voice tight. "He sure loved you and your sisters."

"He used to call us every Saturday and when he came to visit, it was always so much fun. He and Mommy would laugh all the time." She sighed again. "And you laughed more too."

"I did." He agreed. "Your Uncle Willie was my best friend. I miss him alot."

"He would've cheered Mommy up and that would cheer Daddy up. And you, you wouldn't be sad." She said softly. "I just worry sometimes. Before, I didn't really understand that people could be gone, and now it seems. . . I've only got you as my Uncle. You're the only one left."

It was as Terry was struggling to respond to Kate, who had buried her face in his shoulder, that Mike Danko stepped into the Webster house. He followed the sound of voices into the kitchen and found Terry holding Kate on his lap. His eyes grew wide, and his smile faded seeing her. He opened his mouth to speak, but Terry shook his head. Nodding, Mike doubled back into the front room and reentered, this time slamming the door and calling out loudly, "Anybody home?"

When he stepped into the kitchen again, Kate had wiped the tears from her face, and called out, "In here, Daddy!" She smiled up at him, believing that there was no way for him to tell that she'd been crying. He reached down, and even though she was long-legged and nine years old, he lifted her up into his arms, squeezing her tightly.

"Hey, Katie Bug! I missed you tons and tons!" He said kissing her cheek and catching Terry's eyes. Terry sat back in his seat, too worn out from all the emotions and shook his head at Mike.

"Is Mommy home?" She asked leaning back in his arms and looking up at him.

"No, baby, not yet. A few more days. But, if you are really quiet and don't let your sisters know I'm here, I'll smuggle you into her hospital room."

"Oh! Yes!" She started to shout but then caught herself.

"Go wash your face and hands, and find a sweater, okay?" He said kissing her. She jumped down from his arms, and ran down the hall.

"What's going on?" He asked Terry.

"Nothing. Some days are tough. You know." He sighed. "How's Jill?"

"Better. Pissed that they won't let her go home." He sat heavily in a chair. "I'm thinking of taking up a new hobby."

"Yeah, what's that?" Terry asked.

"Drinking." He said with a shake of his head.

"You're thinking of taking up drinking? Listen, Danko, these little girls of yours are beating the crap out of me! I'll join you! It's like have three sweet, little mini-Jill's running around with big eyes! You know I _nearly_ bought Lizzie a puppy yesterday."

"Just wait 'til Jenny's big enough to start using those green eye's on you! You are a doomed man." Mike said squeezing his shoulder.

"Daddy!" Kate said coming back in the room. "Let's go!" She hopped up and down excitedly.

"Gotta go." He said. "I'll come back to tuck everyone in. Tell Beth thanks so much. I can't begin to . . ."

"She's waiting." Terry said pointing at Kate who now stood in the doorway with one hand on her hip.

"Right." Mike said and taking his oldest daughter by the hand led her out to the waiting car.

As they drove toward the hospital, he turned to Kate and asked, "You doing okay?"

"Yes." She answered quickly. "We're being really good."

"That isn't what I meant, darling. I know you are being good - you are good girls. I just meant, are you doing okay?"

"I miss Mommy." She said softly. "I miss our house and I miss Clementine."

"Well, I'm sure Clementine is happy as can be running around Grandpa's without Lizzie pulling on her tail. And Mommy misses you, too. She'll be home soon, and hopefully, she won't have to go back."

"I thought she was all done."

"I know, sweetie. I did too. But," He sighed. "There are some things we can't control. What about Liz and Amy? Are they doing alright?"

"Yep. But Lizzie sleeps with me every night. That way if she wakes up, she isn't scared. It was hard because she kept getting confused. She'd wake up and she couldn't remember if she was at home, or Grandpa's, or Auntie Amanda's or at Uncle Terry and Aunt Beth's."

"Thank you, Kate. You are such a good big sister." He turned into the parking lot and turned the car off. "Now, there's just one thing." She looked up at him with huge brown eyes. "If anyone asks, you'll have to say you are eleven."

"But . . ." She hesitated.

"I know, honey, and lying is wrong, but they won't let little kids in the room. But you miss Mommy and she really, really misses you, so we're gonna lie." He decided to look her straight in the eye while delivering this shocking news. "Do you think you can do that?"

"Yes, Daddy." Her voice was serious.

"I know it will be hard because you've never, ever, ever lied before." He said teasing her.

"Daad." She complained, rolling her eyes at him.

"Especially to your Daddy. You've never, ever, ever, lied to him, right?"

"Can we go now?" She asked, with one hand on the door handle.

He took her by the hand and marched past the nurses station trying to avoid the five million friends who would ask him about Jill. He moved quickly knowing that everyone on the whole floor knew just exactly how old Kate Danko was. He turned the corner, and pushed open the door to Jill's room.

Her eyes were closed, and the room dim.

"She's sleeping." Kate whispered.

"Go wake her up." Mike said giving her a push forward.

"You said to always let Mommy sleep." She said looking up at him with frightened eyes.

"Unless you are sneaking into the hospital for a visit." He said. "That's when you are allowed."

He saw her hesitation and understood her fear. Smiling he reached down and lifted her up, setting her on the bed next to Jill.

"Go on," He urged. "Give her a kiss."

With one last glance at him, Kate leaned close and kissed Jill's cheek.

"Mommy?" She whispered. "Mommy."

Jill's eyes fluttered open, and seeing Kate she pulled her into her arms. "Mary Katherine!" She exclaimed! "I missed you! Oh!" She kissed her again and again, and Mike found himself stumbling backwards into a chair, struck down by pain and joy all at the same time.


	11. Chapter 11

Mike Danko stood near a small campfire on the beach watching as his two eldest daughters bravely dove into the crashing waves. Amy rose up out of the water and seeing him, lifted a hand to wave, as nearby Terry Webster lifted Kate up and tossed her out into the waves. Just at the edge of the shore, Lizzie Danko and MJ Webster were hard at work burying Eddie Ryker with sand. Mike couldn't help but laugh out loud at the sight of his superior officer allowing the two small children to dump sand over him.

"Who would believe that?" Terry asked coming to stand beside him, drying himself off with a towel.

"Willie would be laughing his ass off right now." Mike agreed grinning at Terry.

"He probably is." Terry said thoughtfully. He glanced around. "What happened to the girls?"

"Jenny had to go." Mike said. "You know they can't ever go alone."

"I thought she'd never get potty trained."

"No more diapers! You almost made it!" Mike said clapping him on the back.

"Well, not exactly . . ." Terry said raising an eyebrow.

"What? Really?" Mike asked, smiling. "Oh, three is a good number, brother! I hope it is another hellion little boy, like MJ. Congrats, man!"

"I suppose you are responsible." Terry said thoughtfully.

"I'm pretty sure, I'm not." Mike's eyes were wide.

"No!" Terry laughed realizing what he had said, " No, it was worry over that wife of yours! It made me appreciate mine a lot more." He grinned at Mike. "Spent a lot more time together - and now just when we were about to be free of diapers forever, we are right back at the beginning." Terry sighed.

"Lucky man." Mike said with a grin.

"Damn lucky." Terry agreed.

Just then, the girls returned and Jenny ran to help bury Deputy Chief Ryker, who seemed content to let the children have their fun.

"He's an awfully good sport." Beth remarked.

"Oh, he's a marshmallow." Jill said sitting down beside Mike in the soft sand. "He just acts like a tough guy - they all do." She reached out and kissed Mike's cheek.

"Did Beth tell you?" Mike asked.

"Tell me what?" Jill asked looking up.

"You couldn't resist, could you?" Beth said giving Terry's shoulder a shove. "Spoilsport!"

"I didn't tell Jill." Terry said apologetically.

"That's only because she wasn't around." Beth shook her head at her husband. She turned to Jill. "There will be one more Webster next year." She said with a grin.

"Oh, really!" Jill smiled. "That's wonderful!" She hugged and kissed Beth's cheek before turning to smile at her husband beside her. "Another little one!"

"We should buy them a big box of diapers!" Mike laughed with a raised eyebrow.

***R***

In the late afternoon, Megan and her boys joined the crew on the beach. The boys brought a football that they tossed around until, Mike collapsed in the sand.

James, the oldest, sank down beside him. "What's the matter, Uncle Mike? Too old?"

"I am." Mike said with a laugh. "You better watch yourself, CJ. I'll pound you into the sand here."

"James!" CJ reminded him, instantly furious.

"I know, I'm sorry. James, I just forgot. I'm sorry."

"I dropped the Christopher last _year_! Soon as I'm eighteen, I'll drop his last name too." His hands were clenched in tight fists.

"I'm sorry, James. I really am." Mike said compassionately. "Come on, bud. Settle down."

"I don't share his name. I'm not like him."

"Okay." Mike said trying to soothe him.

"I know you are still friends with him, and I don't mind Uncle Mike, but I don't . . . he _hit_ her!" He whispered. "I remember it, and you were there."

"I was." Mike sighed. He had hoped the boys didn't remember.

"It wasn't the only time."

"I didn't think it was." Mike looked out at the waves. "But he was drinking then. We talked about it, James. Alcohol can make people do funny things; it can make them do mean things. He doesn't drink anymore, and you know he's very, very sorry."

"I . . ." James sighed sound more weary than any eight year old boy should. "I'm _still_ mad."

"I know. And you aren't wrong to be angry. I don't want to make you feel like that. But, you are talking to a man whose father is dead. We didn't always get along, either, and sometimes I wish that I'd been . . ." He turned to look into James' troubled eyes. "I wish I'd been more compassionate."

"Why didn't you get along?" James asked. "Did he hit your mom?"

"No. It wasn't anything like that. He didn't understand why I would join the Air Force. He didn't understand why I would join the police force. He wanted me to be a lawyer, like him. I was his only son; his only child. He wanted a different life for me, and was frustrated that he couldn't make me see things his way."

"Did you ever make up with him?"

"He had a stroke, and I went to see him. He couldn't really talk, but, yeah, we made our peace." He looked down at James. "I don't want you to wait that long. It isn't good for _you_, James. That's all. Aunt Jill and me, we care about you. We care about you a lot." He explained.

"I know. I remember when you came. You saved us. You saved her." James said of that horrible night so long ago. He dug his toe in the sand. "Is Aunt Jill gonna be alright now?" He looked over at where everyone was gathering around a campfire.

"The doctors think so. She had some tests the other day to see." Mike said.

"What did the tests say?" James asked.

Mike smiled, and reached out to run his hand over James' curly hair, "We are gonna tell everyone about that now. You wanna come?"

"Yeah!" James rose slowly. Mike had remarked often, both to Megan and to Jill, that James was the oldest eight year old he had ever met. But as they turned to walk back to everyone else, James slid his hand into Mike's reminding him that he was still a child - it was just buried deep under the hurt and worry that his father's choices had caused. It was times like this that Mike found it very hard to have any compassion in his heart for Chris.

***R***

"Alright before we let you eat all those marshmallows we have something we would like to say." Mike told the small group gathered in front of him. "You know Jill had a bunch of tests done last week."

"Daddy?" Kate looked up at him nervously, but he reached down and lifted her into his arms.

"Wait a second, Kate, no need to panic." He told her, kissing her cheek.

"You gonna drag it out, Danko?" Ryker said irritably. "What did they say?'

"They said that there isn't any trace of cancer." Jill said her smile radiant, and her eyes bright.

Anyone wandering past that stretch of beach to have a peaceful stroll as the sun sank would have been no doubt frustrated and startled by the cheering and shouting that erupted from a small family gathered around a campfire. Everyone yelled and cheered, and hugged Jill. It was without a doubt the best day that the Dankos and their extended family had experienced in a long, long time.

Mike released Kate from his arms, so that she too, could hug her mother, and sat back down, on the fallen log that he and Terry had dragged over to the campfire. He put his head in his hands, listening to everyone's joyous cheers. He found he was incapable of speech; he found he was incapable of breathing - his heart was too full.

"You alright?" Ryker said standing over him looking down.

"Yeah, for the first time in a really long time, I am." Mike said looking up.

Ryker said nothing only smiled, and glanced back to where Jill stood holding Lizzie in her arms. Terry stood beside her with one arm draped over her shoulder. Mike followed his line of sight and smiled seeing her.

She was wearing a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt but as the sun began to fade, she had put on her favorite sweatshirt - a relic from their past - his old grey, academy sweatshirt. The word Danko which was across the front had faded a bit over time. It hung on her still much-too-thin frame. Her head was covered in baby thin hair. She still usually wore a scarf or a hat - except when around family. She'd left her head uncovered today although, he imagined that as the sun sank as night fell, she would put on her pink knit cap to keep warm. She stood in the fading sunlight completely surrounded by their closest and dearest friends. A breeze blew and lifted her hair - feeling it - she smiled and lifted her face to the bright sky above her.

His eyes filled with tears and he glanced back at Ryker. "You said it was me, but it wasn't. It was her. She made me the kind of man I am. _She _did that. And we are all here because of her." He found his voice choked with emotions.

"Listen, Danko," Ryker said. "I've had enough tears and deep talks. Haven't you?" He grinned down at him, but he also wiped tears away. "I'm ready for an ordinary day - where you tell me about one of your cases and I point out all the holes in your theory."

Mike rose and faced Ryker, "I'm deeply offended!" Ryker stepped back startled. "My theories _never_ have holes, sir." He squeezed Ryker's shoulder, and then stepped past him determined that he wouldn't be the last one to kiss his wife.


	12. Chapter 12

Mike Danko rolled over in bed reaching out to wrap his arms around his wife, but found himself hugging a pillow. Opening his eyes, he looked around the room and found he was alone. He glanced at the clock beside him. It was barely six. He climbed out of bed and wandered through the house. He was just about to panic when he saw her in the backyard. He pushed open the sliding glass doors and walked to her. She was sitting on top of the wooden picnic table that Eddie had built for them; built for her, years ago. She sat on the table her feet on the bench. He sat down beside her.

"Good morning." He said.

"Good morning." She smiled at him and he slid an arm around her shoulders.

"What are you doing up so early?" He asked.

"Couldn't sleep." She said quietly, resting her head against his shoulder. "Yesterday was really wonderful." She looked up into his eyes.

"It was." He agreed. "Course every day is better with you." She looked away, blushing.

"I can't wait until you get really mad at me again." She said laughing.

"What do you mean?"

"If you can get mad at me again, then I'll know I'm really alright." She explained.

"I'm starting to get a little irritated with you right now." He told her, but kissed her cheek. "Why couldn't you sleep? Bad dreams?"

"Not really." She said softly. "It's kind of strange that we got good news _this_ week." She looked up at Mike.

"I know." His response was terse and she could feel his muscles tighten with stress. "Two years." He sighed.

"It's hard not to think about it." She said sadly. "I bet if we'd have worked at it a little longer, we would have convinced them to move back here by now. Julie was wavering."

"He talked about it. The last time we talked; the day before he . . ." He looked off in the distance remembering the conversation. "Said she'd be willing to move if he took a job at the Academy, like Terry."

"Turns out So Cal hasn't got the exclusive rights to danger." She sighed. "I'm not gonna lie to you Michael," She confessed, "These last two years have really been horrible."

"No argument here, Jillian." He agreed.

His mind travelled backwards. It was two years ago today that she'd got the phone call and driven to the station to tell him, Lizzie sleeping in her arms. The contrast between their youngest's peaceful face, and Jill's terror filled eyes so striking that it was forever burned into his memory. And then the next two weeks filled with utter chaos - that horrible flight, those four days at the hospital, Terry's anguish trying to choose between Beth, who was nine months pregnant at the time, and his best friend. Jill broken-hearted and finally agreeing to leave so that Terry could come and say goodbye, and somewhere in the middle of it all the birth of Jennifer Grace Webster.

Jill reached out with gentle fingers and traced his cheekbone. "I'm sorry, Mike. I should be really happy. Things are looking up. I don't know why I'm so . . ." She let a sigh. "He was such a good guy."

"He had the worst crush on you." Mike said grinning at her. "And he would've been here, the very first second we told him you were sick."

"He would've held your hand." She said trying to smile up at him.

"He would've held _your_ hand, Baby." He pulled her close and rested his head on top of hers. "You are right, Babe, the last two years have been pretty shitty."

"Michael!" She said but mostly out of habit. "I guess you are right though. That pretty much sums it up."

"Well, better days are ahead, Baby. I swear it!"

"I feel like we should do something to mark this as the start of better days - plant a tree or adopt a village in Ethiopia or something." She said.

"Oh!" He jumped down from the table. "Wait here, Baby." He disappeared in the house and emerged a few minutes later carrying a tray that held two glasses and a champagne bottle.

"Wow! It's a little early, Mike." She laughed.

"A little late is more like it." He said. He poured two glasses, handing her one.

"That's what we drank at our wedding!" She exclaimed surprised.

"A gift from my Dad." He told her. "He gave me three bottles: one for our fiftieth, one for when Lizzie leaves home and one for today."

"Our fiftieth," She grinned. "I like the sound of that."

He leaned forward kissing her. "Me too."

He lifted his glass to her and said, "To my beautiful bride - the sweetest, strongest, most beautiful girl to ever take a breath. You are the sun, moon and stars, Baby, and we've got nothing but better days ahead. I love you, Babe. You are the best thing that ever happened to me."

Rendered speechless, she lifted her glass to his and wrapping her arm 'round his, they took a sip just as they had nearly seventeen years before.

She set her glass down and snuggled against him, her head resting against his broad chest.

"You always talk like you're the lucky one." She said. "But I'm the luckiest woman on earth - especially when I think of Megan or Julie. And we were lucky, Mike. Some people fight for years and years and still never have a test come back clear."

"I know darlin'." He kissed the top of her head enjoying the feeling of the soft strands of hair that covered it. "Now, that it's behind us,I've got a confession to make."

"What?"

"I really did miss your hair. I've always loved your hair."

"We'll, it looks to be black this time around and maybe a little grey in spots."

"I don't care what color it is. You are beautiful, Jill, and don't act like you don't know it. You've got a fine body - you always have. And the only reason I don't carry you back inside right now is that there are three little girls about to wake up." He kissed her.

"You are a crazy man, you know that." Jill shook her head.

"Crazy 'bout you." He said taking another sip of champagne. "Plus this champagne is the first thing I've had today so I might have a little buzz right now." He laughed.

"I better fix you breakfast then, you are actually working today." She rose and stretched and turned to go inside the house. "Come on, Danko, back to real life." She held out her hand and taking it he followed her inside.

"Remember that time, Willie managed to lock himself inside the pool shed? He was trying to hide from that one crazy girl who kept following him around - she lived in apartment seven, I think. He was missing for three hours - remember?"

"That wasn't funny, Mike. You _talked _me into letting you make out with me in broad daylight at that pool, and the whole time Willie was trapped in that shed just ten feet away. . . " She blushed at the memory. "That'll teach me to listen to you." She led him into the kitchen and began pulling things out of the refrigerator.

"God! Your face when I opened that door and he came out!" Mike laughed at the memory. "I've _never_ seen your face that red."

"Why are you laughing, Daddy?" Amy said walking into the kitchen rubbing her eyes.

"Because he isn't very nice. Morning sweetie."

"Morning Mommy. Can we go back to the beach today?" Amy asked sitting at the table.

"Not today. Daddy has to work, and you've got school."

"Oh, man. School?" Amy whined.

"Just two more weeks." Her father said kissing her on the forehead.

"Can we have pancakes?" Kate asked coming into the room.

"Not today, Baby." Jill said.

"What was Daddy laughing about?" Kate asked. "It woke me up."

"He was telling a story about Uncle Willie." Jill said with a raised eyebrow.

"Tell me!" Kate asked.

"Well, this one time, Uncle Willie decided to be sweet to Mama and fix her a dinner all himself. But the thing is, Uncle Willie was not a good cook. But your Mama is sweet as they come, and she ate every single thing he cooked for her. She didn't want to hurt his feelings. I'll tell you, not one bit of it tasted good. After she was finished, Willie confessed that he knew it tasted bad, but was so impressed with Mommy's ability to eat his terrible food and smile, that he didn't stop her."

"Is that true, Mommy?" Amy asked.

"Yes, I'm afraid it is. And it tasted really, really terrible. Daddy wasn't exaggerating. Now, you two go get dressed and by the time you are these pancakes should be ready." Jill told them with a grin. "You should get in the shower, Mike, you're never gonna make it."

Mike rose and wrapped his arms around her, as she stood at the stove. "I like you being bossy first thing in the morning."

"I like feeling good enough to boss you." She said. "Now, go on."

***R***

"Look who dragged himself into work today." Chris leaned against the bank of lockers as Mike changed clothes.

"Every now and again I show up. It makes the people happy."

"How's Jill?"

"Excellent." He grinned.

"Geez, Danko, give it a rest already!"

"You asked, pal." Mike shook his head. "Who you riding with today?"

"Banks. See what happens when you aren't around to run things. He's gonna talk about his dogs all day - all day, Mike."

"You are a man serving the people." Mike grinned at him.

"Don't gloat just 'cause you get sit here all day."

"I'm not."

"What do you mean?" Chris asked.

"Monroe and Pauly are on vacation, and Dirk and Biggs are both out with the flu. We're short staffed. So, I'm hitting the mean streets."

"Does Jill know?" Chris' eyes widened in surprise.

"It just happened." Mike said.

"Today? You are going out on the streets _today_? You better tell her after the fact."

"You remember?" Mike was surprised. Chris had never met Willie - just spent his life under his shadow.

"Yeah, man. It kind of stuck out - everyone looking like they'd been sliced in half and all." He rubbed his chin. "You riding alone?"

"Perks of being the boss." Mike said with a smile. He rose from the bench. "Come on, time for roll call."

***R***

He stopped by the house at lunch not thinking about the fact that he was pulling up in a patrol car.

"Why are you driving that?" She asked.

"Oh, it . . ." He realized that Chris was right. She wouldn't like that he was on the streets today. "It is kind of complicated. You wanna go out? I'll take you out." He tried to distract her.

"Michael are you working _patrol_ today?" She asked. "Did you get demoted because I was . . ."

"No, Baby! Don't be ridiculous! They wouldn't do that! They know you were sick. We were just short staffed, that's all. And, so, I had to . . ." He shifted uncomfortably under her stern gaze. "Look, Baby, it is no big deal. I just got to work the streets today. I'll probably get home early for once."

"Today?" She asked again. "And you didn't tell me."

"I didn't know until I got to work. I wasn't in at all last week, remember?" She had turned and walked down the hall and away from him. He followed her and found her sitting on the bench at the end of their bed.

"Mike . . ."

"Listen, Jill, you are just stressed out because of the date, that's all. It's just fear. How many patrols have I worked in the last sixteen years? How many? And I always come back home."

"You've been shot twice, Michael. Reflecting on your career isn't going to keep me calm." She looked up at him, and then sighed. "Look, I know I'm being paranoid. I know it is just fear."

"Babe, look . . ."

"No, I'm sorry. You are right." She rose slowly. "You must be hungry. Come on." Sighing she glanced back at him from the doorway.

"Actually, I'm not that hungry." He said still sitting at the end of their bed.

"No?" She asked.

"Uh uh, but I got an hour off, and I was thinking maybe we could spend it kissing." He grinned at her.

"You think that smile's gonna fix everything, don't you, Danko?"

"Well, not all by itself. I got some other stuff planned." He winked at her. "Come on, Mrs. Danko, be mad at me later." He crossed to where she stood, and pulled her close to him. "Please?"

"You better bring home ice cream." She said relenting and relaxing in his embrace.

"Anything you want, Baby." He said kissing her.

***R***

Standing at the door, watching Mike pull away in the police cruiser, Jill was filled with a strange sense of dread. She reminded herself that it was just the date that she was really upset over - not his being on patrol. He was right. He'd been on patrol hundreds and hundreds of days and come home safe - hell, he'd served two tours in Vietnam and still manage to find his way back to her. She turned from the door willing herself to settle down. She was turning to start the laundry when the phone rang which completely unhinged her; remembering a horrible phone call from two years ago.

"Hello." She tried to keep her voice steady.

"Jill?" She sighed hearing the familiar sound of Beth Webster's voice.

"Beth!"

"You okay? I didn't catch you at a bad time, did I?"

"No, I was just . . .nothing. I'm sorry." Jill stuttered.

"I'm sorry to bother you. It's just that Jenny has a fever and I can't seem to get it to go down. I gave her Tylenol but it hasn't gotten better. She's just miserable." Beth said anxiously.

"I can come over and look at her if you want." Jill said calmly.

"Oh, could you? I'm sorry. I just hate hauling her into Dr. Roberts if I can help it. Is it okay for you to be around her? I don't want you getting sick."

"I'll wear a mask." Jill said. "I'll be right over, okay, Beth?"

"Thanks!" She hung up the phone and grabbed her purse. She had only just started driving again. Mike still wouldn't let her drive at night. It irritated the hell out of her that he was being so controlling. She knew a fight was brewing over the issue but for now she let it go.

By the time, she'd helped with Jenny and visited with Beth, it was time to get Lizzie from school. She was relieved that Jenny had picked today to be so sick, since it kept her fairly distracted. She picked Lizzie up from kindergarten and drove home.

"Mama, can we go to the park?" Lizzie asked.

"No, honey. You can play out back. Mommy hasn't got anything done today."

She was standing in the kitchen watching Lizzie play on the swings when the doorbell rang. She turned from where she'd been folding laundry and went to the door. Even before she swung it open, she could see the blue cars in front of the house, and even before Eddie Ryker opened his mouth to speak, she knew what he would say.

"Mike?" She whispered.

"Honey, let's go inside, okay?" Eddie said calmly. He stepped inside the house, putting an arm around her shoulders, while Terry Webster held her up from the other side.

"Come on, Jill." Terry said. "Let's sit down."

"Something happened?" She asked sitting on the couch and looking up at the two men.

"Yeah," Terry said kneeling in front of her. "Yeah, baby, I'm sorry. Something happened."


	13. Chapter 13

"I don't understand." Jill said lifting a shaking hand to her pale face. "What do you mean you don't know where he is?"

"We found his patrol car, but he isn't in it." Ryker explained patiently. "It looks like there was some kind of a struggle, but we can't find Mike."

"Signs of a struggle?" She turned from Ryker's face to Terry's. "Was there blood?"

"No." Terry said quietly. "No." He turned toward Ryker. "Is Liz on her way?"

"She should be here any minute."

"I don't like . . . she's so weak already." Terry said worriedly.

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here!" Jill spat out angrily. "What are you doing sitting here! Go find him!"

"We've got the whole force working on it, Jill." Ryker said.

"Megan's picking up the girls from school so you don't need to worry about . . ."

"Mama? Can I have a Popsicle?" Lizzie Danko came in from the kitchen. Seeing Ryker and Terry, her smile grew huge. "Grandpa! You wanna play dollies with me?" She launched herself at her grandfather, who swallowed hard and then lifted her up into his arms.

"Not right now, honey." He said kissing her cheek.

"Mama, why are you crying?" Lizzie asked looking down at her mother, who ducked her head at her youngest daughters words.

"Terry . . ." She said with strained voice.

"Hey, Lizzie, you wanna go and play with Aunt Bethie and MJ? Come on, I'll take you over." He glanced at Ryker. "I'll be right back." Ryker nodded his head, and gave Lizzie one more kiss before handing her over to her uncle.

"Jill," Terry's gaze was intense. "I"m coming right back, honey."

"Thanks." She said sniffing. "But Terry, don't rush. Beth will be . . .take some time with her, first."

"I'll be back." He repeated.

Jill rose following them to the door. "Be a good girl, Lizzie. I'll see you later." She kissed her daughter absently, and turned back to pace the length of the living room. She could hear Eddie talking on the phone. She paused at the fireplace and the sight of all their family pictures wounded her. The five of them together, Mike and the girls, Mike holding a tiny Kate, she and Mike together, their wedding pictures, and Mike, Terry and Willie looking so young and hopeful. She shuddered gazing into the bright blue eyes of a twenty-five year old William Gillis who would be dead at thirty-four, leaving behind a shattered wife and hundreds of devastated friends. She wiped the tears from her face with shaking fingers.

"Maybe you should sit down." Eddie said coming back into the room.

"I'm okay." She said softly.

"You are shaking. You are still so thin. Sit down. You want something to drink?"

"No." She sat only because she knew he wouldn't leave her alone until she did. "What was the phone call?"

"Just checking in." He said.

"Any leads?"

"They are still assessing the scene. I want to . . . Is there something I could get you?" He asked her.

"Yeah," She said bitterly, her eyes shimmering with tears. "You can get me, Mike."

***R***

Darkness had settled over the quiet neighborhood, but a flurry of people and cars were coming and going from the Danko home. Liz Conners had come to keep an eye on Jill. Everyone was concerned about the stress her already weak body was experiencing. She simply tossed aside their concerns and ignored Liz's pleas to sit down and rest. Megan had picked up Lizzie, as well as MJ and Jenny, so Beth now sat on the couch beside Jill. There were four detectives standing in a small huddle on her front yard talking with Deputy Chief Ryker who kept nodding his head.

"What are they talking about?" Jill asked.

"I don't know." Beth said.

"If he's dead they should just tell me, okay. I don't need anyone to drag it out." She chewed at the corner of her lip.

"He isn't Jill. We don't know what happened." Beth said calmly.

"Beth, you know what I'm talking about. Don't let them lie to me."

"No, I won't. I promise, okay?"

"Okay." Jill sighed. "You should go home, Beth. This stress isn't good for you and if anything happens to that baby . . . "

"Oh, now, hush. I've got two nurses right here. I'm safer here than at home. And I'm fine."

"Why did he have to go on patrol _today_? Why? He's a Sergeant! He doesn't have to . . .!" She rose and paced again. "He's so goddamn macho! He knew I'd be mad, but he did it anyway! And now . . ."

"Terry's back." Liz said looking out the window. The women turned and saw Ryker take him aside and talk quietly to him. Jill watched in horror as whatever it was that Ryker said, caused Terry to raise a shaking hand and rub his head, clearly distressed.

"Oh God!" Jill said sinking back into the couch. "Please, Beth, go find out. I can't. . .please!"

"I'll be right back." Beth said rising slowly and pushing open the door.

She made her way past the small circle of officers and stood about two feet from her husband and Ryker.

"But it doesn't make any sense? Why weren't we notified?" Terry was saying, his voice revealing that he was clearly stressed.

"It was a departmental slip up. A message that fell through the cracks." Ryker said.

"Oh my God!"

"Listen, Webster, it might just be a coincidence. We don't know and if it is . . ."

"Terry?" Beth stood wringing her hands.

"Baby, hey." Terry glanced self-consciously at Ryker who gave a brief nod.

"Jill's watching you from inside, and she's pretty stressed. Is . . ." She swallowed hard, a half-step from her husband. "Is . . . is he dead?"

"No, sweetheart. No. God, no! It's just." He pulled her tightly against his chest, and kissed her forehead again and again. "No, baby. Shhh." He could feel her trembling as she clung to him. "It's just . . ." He sighed and looked back at Ryker. "We have to tell her."

"I know." Ryker said despondently.

"Tell her what?" Beth asked looking up at Ryker from inside Terry's arms.

"A man broke his parole about eight days ago." Ryker explained.

"Who?" She asked.

"Someone who hates Mike." Terry explained. "Someone who has had ten years to let his hatred fester."

***R***

Silence hung in the living room. No one seemed to even breath; the tension was so thick. They all watched Jill waiting for her reaction. She sat stony-faced staring at the gold band around the ring finger of her left hand.

"But you don't know it is him." She said at last looking up at Ryker who stood before.

"No, we don't."

"But he's missing, and so is Mike." She shook her head. "Why didn't they notify us? They are supposed to notify us."

"People are looking into that."

"We had a right to speak to the board! And now . . ." She rose shakily. "God! That takes me back a hundred years! I was so scared, and Mike was so upset. We were just talking a while back . . . that time is in our top five worst days." She shook her head. "I guess, we've got something new to add to the list."

"Jill, if it is him, we'll find him. We've notified every agency from here to Mexico. He won't get . . ."

"You shouldn't make promises you know you can't keep, Eddie." She said looking at him. "He hates Mike. You saw how he looked at him. You saw him in court. You were sitting beside me, holding my hand!"

"Listen, Jill," He said moving to put his hands on her shoulders. "I'm gonna find him, and he'll be back here in your arms. I swear it. I won't quit."

She let tears fall as she finally accepted his embrace, resting her head against his shoulder. He held her tightly. "Listen to me, honey, I swear to you. I won't let Borden hurt you again."

She said nothing resting against his shoulder, taking comfort that at least she wouldn't be alone; her family would stand beside her, no matter what. But she also knew, that as much as Eddie Ryker might want to keep his promises, sometimes promises just can't be kept. And as for preventing Borden from hurting her, Ryker was already too late.


	14. Chapter 14

Lee Borden took a long drag on his cigarette and turned his face up to the bright California sun. He blew the smoke out and up into the blue sky. Taking one more drag, he stubbed the cigarette out with his toe, and turned back to the rundown house behind him. He went in the back door and down the stairs into the dark basement where his brother waited.

"What took you so long?" David asked him anxiously.

"I had a smoke, too." Lee said. "What are you so nervous about? Jesus!"

"I just didn't know where you were."

"They don't know anything yet. They are nosing around his car but I didn't hear our name once. Morons!" He indicated a thumb towards the dark, back corner of the room. "How's the boy scout?"

"Still out." David said.

"Alright, time for you to go. You remember what I said." Lee told his brother.

"Yeah, man, but I don't know. You sure that its necessary? I mean we got him."

"You don't understand a damn thing! What kind of nursery school prison did they have you in, anyway?" Lee shook his head. "You want to accomplish something - you figure out the greatest pressure point and press - you press hard. We know where that is! Now, put on your underroos and get the goddamn job done! I served ten hard years for you, little brother! This is the very least you could do to say thank you."

"Alright, fine!" David said angrily.

"Don't forget man. She's had cancer so there's no way in hell she can fight you. She's weak. I've seen her - weighs maybe a hundred pounds. Grab her. But don't take any risks. They'll leave her alone sooner or later. That's when you grab her. Bring her back here, okay?"

"Okay." David said. "I got it. I'm not stupid!"

"And don't stop to party! She might still be a looker, but leave her alone. If we party, we party here, so her boyfriend here can watch!" Lee grinned. He reached out and patted his brother's face. "Go on, little brother! The Borden boys are gonna have their revenge!"

***R***

Terry Webster found himself sitting face to face with Douglass Brundi, probably the foulest smelling man he'd ever come in contact with. Having read his file, he knew that Brundi had killed two little girls - Amanda and Allison Baker - seven year old twins, who happened around the wrong corner on a Sunday afternoon. He could barely look Brundi in the eye, the image of those two little girls burned into his memory, was ten times as bad as the smell that emanated from him.

"They don't let you shower?" Terry asked and Brundi stepped into the small interview room.

"My protest against the Man. I don't take no showers."

"Your cellmate must like that." Terry remarked and indicated the chair across from him with a sweep of his hand.

"Lee said you'd come by! I'll be damned!" Brundi said laughing and settling into the chair across the table from Terry.

"What are you talking about?" Terry asked.

"My cellmate - that's why you are here, isn't it? He said some day either a big, serious, black son-of-a-bitch or a curly-haired baby faced cop would come by and see me. And here you are!" He glanced around. "Where's curly top?"

Terry sighed. "Dead. Some moron shot him while he was trying to save a little girl from a sicko just like you."

"Ain't nobody just like me, baby!" Brundi grinned at Terry. "So you gonna ask me all kinds of questions?"

"Yeah." Terry said. "Did Lee tell you anything about . . ."

"Mike Danko, right?" Brundi smiled. "Can't find your boy, can you?" His smile was so sinister that Terry couldn't hold back his well of anger, and rising reached across the table and slammed his fist into Brundi's face.

"Easy there, tiger." Brundi said, wiping the blood from his lips. "I'm not gonna be able to talk, if I get too scared."

"What did he say?" Terry spit out angrily.

"Lots of things, but they all ended the same way - with your pal dead or wishing he was. Can I get something to eat? You know I haven't had a good cheeseburger in ages." His sinister smile reappeared.

"We'll get you a burger." Terry nodded at the officer who stood just at the door of the room.

"Oh and a milkshake! A strawberry milkshake." He smiled at Terry again. "Sure is nice to have friends with power."

Terry sighed, thinking again that it was people like Brundi that made him decide to teach at the Academy. He couldn't spend his days suspended in a pool of darkness. It was destroying him. He looked across the table, and steeling himself said, "Tell me everything you know."

***R***

Liz Conners approached Jill anxiously. She knew that Jill would put up a fight, but they had no choice. Things had become too dangerous.

"Jill, you need to go lie down. You _have_ to rest." Liz said without any preamble.

"No." Jill's voice was sharp and angry.

"I'm not asking you anymore, Jill. I'm telling you."

"You aren't my boss at home. And I wouldn't obey you at work, either! I'm not going to lay down on our bed and sleep while he's . . ." She lifted a trembling hand to her lips and swallowed down tears. "Leave me alone."

"If you don't lie down, I'm giving you a sedative." Liz replied curtly.

"You can't do that!"

"I can and I will. Take these. They are mild - just enough to let you sleep. I can rouse you if there's need. Take them." She held her hand out with two small pills. Jill glanced down at Liz's hand, struggling.

"Let's just wait one more hour!" Jill pleaded. "I'll take them then. I can't sleep! What if there's news? What if he needs me?" Jill said with wide eyes.

"Damn it, Jill! You are a nurse! Your blood pressure is too high right now! Your immune system is still incredibly vulnerable, you are thirty pounds underweight and you've eaten almost nothing today! If you don't rest - you will collapse! Just take the damn pills!" Liz's voice rose in frustration.

"Leave me alone!" Jill said again. Liz sighed and put the pills back into her pocket. She nodded her head at someone standing behind Jill, and turning reached for the needle that she'd already prepared.

"Go ahead." She said. Before Jill understood what was happening, she was grabbed from behind by Chris Owens, who wrapped strong arms around her, binding her own arms to her side.

"I'm sorry, Jill." He said softly, as Liz Conners sank the needle into Jill's upper arm.

"Damn you!" Jill said. "I hate you! I hate you both!" She sobbed then and Liz stepped back, clearly shaken and handed the needle to Beth who carefully threw it away.

"I'm sorry." Chris said again, slowly releasing his tight grip. She began to sag - the drug already taking effect, and as she did, he bent low and lifted her into his arms.

"Put her in the girls' room." Beth said softly and Chris carried her back, laying her down on Amy's bed. Both Liz and Beth worked to tuck Jill under the covers.

"Why? Why did you do that?" Jill asked, her words slurred by the sedative. "I just want Mike." She began to sob. "Please, where is Mike? Bring me Mike!"

"Shh," Beth said trying to soothe her. "They'll find him, Jill. Shhh. You need to rest now. Close your eyes. Shhh." She sat beside her on the bed, wiping the tears from Jill's cheeks, trying desperately to calm her.

"Tricked me. . . never . . .forgive . . . Mike! Please! Mike!" She continued to say his name over and over, until at last she slept.

Liz sank onto Kate's bed then and looked across at Beth who sat beside Jill.

"Oh my God!" Liz said shaking her head at Beth. "That was . . ." She stopped unable to continue.

Beth said nothing just sat where she was weeping, and gently ran her hand back and forth across Jill's cheek.

***R***

When he first opened his eyes, Mike Danko was sure he was dreaming, and that it was a very old nightmare.

"Oh! You recognize me right off the bat!" Lee Borden said laughing.

"Wha . . . wha . . . what are you doing here?" Mike asked confused. "You are in prison."

"Good behavior. I got an early release. The parole board seems to have forgotten to notify you. That must be pretty frustrating." He pulled a chair closer to where Mike sat in another chair, bound tightly. "How is that pretty, little wife of yours? She had such big eyes! She's been sick, I hear. Too bad, that. Ah, well, she's a little beauty still, I bet - not much up top these days but she does have a sweet, little ass." He grinned at Mike whose face was purple with rage, as he struggled against his shackles.

"I doubt you'll be able to break out of those. Official grade - same as the ones they use in prison. I got real familiar with them. Now, you and me, are just gonna sit tight and wait for that brother of mine - you remember him? You testified against him and ruined his life. He just got out last week!" He rose and leaned close, so that his face was inches from Mike. "And I promised you," He said in a sharp, menacing whisper. "I promised you if you did testify I would ruin yours. Ain't it something when promises come true, at last! We'll just wait here for my little brother and see what sweet, little friend he brings with him."

Lee Borden laughed out loud, seeing the fury in Mike Danko's eyes. "You should see your face, Officer Danko. You seem pretty surprised, but not in a happy birthday kind of way. I wonder who is watching those three little girls of yours? Sooner or later, that middle one's gonna ask to play outside - you know how she loves to play soccer! I sure hope that are keeping a close watch on your _girls_. What's the matter anyway? You so weak you can only make women?" He rose and walked away laughing still, but then turned suddenly and slammed his fist into Mike's face knocking him backwards. He stood over him, glaring with fists clenched. "Oh, wait." He said panting. "I thought of a way to pass the time." And leaning forward, he hit Mike Danko again and again.


	15. Chapter 15

Terry Webster sat in the small conference room across from Chris Owens, Deputy Chief Ryker, and Lt. Wellman as the tape of his conversation with Brundi came to an end.

"It's not really all that helpful." Ryker said rubbing his chin. "Although, it confirms what we feared that Borden was plotting revenge against Danko."

"But he doesn't have any details. We don't know where or when. We don't really know anything." Terry said slamming his fist against the table. "What about your guys, Wellman? Have they found anything?"

The older man shook his head. "Nothing. All the addresses are wrong. We know that David Borden was released twelve days ago, and that he never checked in with his parole officer, and that Lee Borden missed his last meeting with his parole officer. We've got nothing."

"Where are the girls?" Chris asked and they all turned to him.

"What?" Ryker asked.

"The girls - who's watching them?"

"They are at my house, and Beth, Amanda and Megan are taking turns staying with them. Why?" Terry said with raised eyebrows.

"Call her, now, Webster. Tell her to not take the girls anywhere - keep them in the house. Don't let them play at the park. We better get some serious security." Chris said.

"What are you talking about?" Wellman asked.

"The tape - the last thing Brundi said. Didn't you hear it?" Owens said seriously.

"What?" Terry asked.

"He said that Borden would make _them_ pay. Them. He didn't say him. He said _them._"

"What are you suggesting?" Ryker asked.

"I'm not suggesting anything except - we should be cautious. Who is with Jill right now?" Chris asked. They all looked at one another thinking over what Chris was implying. Terry scooted back his chair and rose starring at the wall. Finally, he turned to them, his face a portrait of concern.

"Last time, Borden went after Jill, not Mike." Terry pointed out. "I mean he really was going after Mike, but he knew that bothering Jill would be worse for Mike than if he'd just come after him."

"So you think he's coming after Jill or the girls? How? They are surrounded by people!" Ryker said.

"They are right now." Terry said. "But you know Jill, sooner or later she's gonna get fed up and want a moment to herself - or the girls will want to go out to play. Chris is right, we got to really tight security on all of them. Now!"

***R***

Jill opened her eyes and looked around slightly disoriented. It took a minute for her to realize that she was in her daughters' room. She sat up slowly, her head pounding. She hated sedatives - or any other drugs for that matter. Her years in nursing school had only solidified her belief that artificial substances were a bad idea. Mike always teased her - calling her Nurse Danko whenever she would turn down a second glass of wine or refuse to take any medicine when she had a cold. She hated that fuzzy feeling that would come over her; hated the loss of control. "Lighten up, Danko!" He would say laughing. "I don't think an antihistamine is gonna turn you into a street junkie!"

She slowly sat up and discovered that Eddie Ryker was slumped in the chair that sat in the corner of the room. He appeared to be asleep. She crossed the room and knelt in front of him.

"Eddie?" She said softly with a gentle hand on his arm. "Eddie?"

He stirred and opened his eyes and seeing her sat up startled. "You woke up." He said.

"Yes." She moved to sit on the floor in front of him. "Is there any word? Have they found him?" Her brown eyes brimmed with tears, and she bit her lip to keep them at bay.

"No, they haven't found him." He said gently. "I'm sorry, Jill. We've got the whole department working on it. Everyone."

"What is it you aren't saying?" She asked studying him.

"A lot." He said with a sigh. He leaned forward and rested his hand along the side of her face. "I don't want to tell you, honey." She swallowed hard, and brushed at a tear that ran down her cheek.

"You think he's already dead." She said in a whisper.

"No." His reply was sharp. "No, nothing like that."

"Then what? Nothing else could hurt me."

"We are pretty sure that it is Lee Borden and his brother. Lee's cellmate said Borden talked about it all the time - coming after Mike."

Jill said nothing. She sat quietly absorbing this news. She looked down, and twisted the ring that Mike had slid onto her left hand so many years ago. After a long time, she looked up into Eddie Ryker's face.

"He won't be satisfied unless Mike is dead." She said softly. "He isn't going to back down. If they don't find Mike, Borden will kill him - if he hasn't already."

"He wants to hurt Mike." Ryker said reaching for her hand. "Killing Mike wouldn't accomplish that."

Jill's eyes grew wide and she stood up, " Where are the girls? Who is with them?"

Eddie jumped to his feet and put his hands on Jill's shoulders, "We took them to the Lake House. Right now, Amanda is with them. We've got four officers there watching them."

"Who?" She asked.

"Uh, Paul and Ben are there. Chris drove them out, but I think he came back already. Dell's there, and Joe's in charge."

"Joe? Joe Thompson? He's just a kid!"

"No, not Thompson, Ellison. We figured it needs to be someone the girls know and are comfortable with. Amanda's gonna stay there, and I know Megan and Beth have been taking turns with them." He squeezed her shoulders. "They are safe, Jill. We aren't gonna let anyone near them. They set up a roadblock at the end of the hill - anyone going up the street has to show an ID. I won't take any chances with my grandchildren, you know that."

"They don't have any leads? None?" She asked again.

He shook his head, saying nothing at all, and she stepped away from him. She ran a hand over her face.

"Everything is supposed to be better now. This can't be happening! We've been through enough!" She shook her head. "Why? They should have notified us when Borden was released! Why didn't they?"

"It was a departmental error. They are looking into it. You are right. Listen, I know you are upset, but you can't . . ." He took a step toward her. "Listen, you are so frail, honey, you need to try and keep calm. I know it's hard, but you can't . . ."

"That whole time, from when he took me, until Mike came to get me - that whole time he talked. He talked and talked and talked and none of it made sense! He rambled on and on about the government, and cops, and the corrupt system. He said the police department was run by Satan. He didn't make any sense. He was crazy! I still dream about it sometimes - he drove so fast and the sound of his voice." She shook her head. "You have to find him, please, you have to find him."

She looked up at him - her brown eyes huge with sorrow. Eddie Ryker was a man who had been hardened by his experiences, on the force and in Korea. He was no featherweight. He'd seen some of the worst things imaginable, but the sight of Jill Danko, all ninety-eight pounds of her, broken-hearted and pleading for her husband, left him shattered.

***R***

Terry Webster was furious. He was frustrated that no one would really let him do anything. He had gone to see Brundi on his own, without asking permission. He'd been impressed with Lt. Wellman's reserve. He had expected, at the very least, to be chewed out. But Wellman had just studied him a moment and then asked him what he had found.

Not that it had done any good. The information only made them all more terrified and more sure that Mike was in serious trouble. He glanced at the house behind him. He could remember clearly the first time he'd come here; Mike and Jill so proud of their home. He had been here millions of times - came here the day after he'd proposed to Beth - they were the first ones he had told.

He and Mike sat on those front steps, drinking a beer the night his son MJ had been born. Michael Jonathan Webster. He remembered telling him. "We finally agreed on a name."

"_Yeah? Terry, Jr.?" Mike said laughing._

"_Hell, no!" Terry laughed. "First of all, that name belonged to my father - and he was a real jackass, and secondly, I don't want my boy to suffer through years of people saying to him , 'Isn't Terry a girl's name?' Oh, no! We did name him after family though."_

"_Yeah, so you gonna tell me?" Mike said lifting a beer to his lips._

"_Sure. We named him Michael. Michael Jonathan Webster." Terry said simply._

"_Michael?" Mike asked surprised. "I like it. It's a good name. But I know a real jerk with the same name."_

"_Me, too." Terry said, grateful that this wasn't going to turn into some stupid, hallmark movie. Leave the crying to the girls, he thought, knowing very well that Jill would most definitely cry when Mike told her what they'd named the baby._

He sighed now. He couldn't bury another best friend. He couldn't do it. Losing Willie had been very difficult. It had taken him nearly a year to even talk about it. But Willie had been living in Oregon, and though they talked all the time, he wasn't used to seeing him every day. Losing Mike would be different. They all had dinner together once or twice a week, more since Jill had been sick. Beth was at their house every single day. Losing Mike would be like losing an arm.

He didn't want to go back inside and face Jill. It was bad enough that she was skeleton thin with a thin layer of dark hair that just covered her head, but the look of desperation in her eyes shattered him to his core. When he met Mike, Jill was there. It was always Mike and Jill; always. They'd spent so much time worrying over Mike losing Jill and now . . .

"Hey, darling." He looked up surprised to see his wife beside him. She looped her arm through his.

"How's everyone?" He asked.

"About the same. I got her to eat a pear." The afternoon sun glinted on her blonde hair making it shimmer like gold. He reached out and ran his hand through the golden waves of curls.

"How is it we are in the middle of a crisis and you still look so fine?" He asked.

"Well, you are bleary eyed." She laughed. "It helps."

He wrapped his arms around her, holding her against his broad chest.

"What are we gonna do, baby? There's only so much we can endure."

"We passed that point when we laid Willie to rest." She said softly, rubbing circles on his back. "We're gonna fix this, Terry. You're really smart and you can think of something."

He rested his chin on the top of her head. "I don't know Beth, Mike's always been the super hero and I was just his sidekick."

"So maybe it's time to start thinking like him." She looked up at him with bright, blue eyes that were full of hope and trust.

***R***

Mike Danko had seen some pretty dark days lately. Jill's cancer pretty much blacked out any previous bad days, but the last thirty hours were no picnic. Lee Borden had expended a great amount of energy in a short space of time, hitting and kicking him. Fortunately, Borden hadn't spent his prison days in the weight room. He tired quickly and putting a gag in Mike's mouth, left him alone.

The blows had landed hard and he was hurt with some broken ribs to match his wrist. But worse than his physical wounds, was the fury that burdened as Lee Borden had explained in vivid detail, precisely what he intended to do once Jill was here. Mike had never, ever burned with rage as he did now.

He had tried desperately to work at the shackles that held him, but his broken wrist prevented his full range of motion. The first thing Borden had done was to take a hammer to Mike's cast, so that he could fit the cuffs around his wrist. It ached and he could only imagine how he looked.

He fought down tears of rage and regret. Jill must be so pissed at him! She hadn't wanted him out on patrol and now . . . He could only imagine how frightened she must be and how angry.

He couldn't think of the girls at all. When he imagined their sweet trusting faces and eyes bright with tears, he became physically ill. What if Borden went after them? He couldn't bear the thought and yet it consumed him, too. The time when Borden had terrorized Jill had been so horrible. He'd felt weak. He'd felt useless. He remembered holding her in his arms after they had finally found Borden and her. She trembled with fear and for so many nights after, woke up crying from her dreams; memories really.

When they'd first been taken back to the station, she couldn't talk; unable to say all that had happened from the time she'd rushed out sure he'd been hurt, until Mike had found her. He'd been afraid to ask what happened, fearing he'd harmed her - especially when she'd been unable to speak of it. Later, she was able to tell him of how Borden had rambled on and on - clearly insane, only pausing in his talk to sing the same nursery song over and over. To this day, that tune would send her reeling backwards in time to those terrible hours; those terrible days. He hated to think how she would feel if she were once again, imprisoned by Borden. He wanted to do anything he could to prevent it, but knew he was powerless.

Thinking was getting him nowhere, except more and more irate. If he closed his eyes, he could see Jill's brown eyes, huge with fear, shaking and pleading for him to believe her when she explained that Borden was terrorizing her. He wished he could travel backward in time, and at least lay a few good hits on Borden, or pull out his revolver and do away with him for all time ; never to hurt her again. He knew that this time there would be no holding back and remembering that he was an officer of the law. He knew that this time, if he had his chance, he would kill Lee Borden and his brother.

***R***

Terry Webster, held the door to the station house open, as Jill stepped inside. He couldn't believe what he was about to do; couldn't believe that he had even agreed to it. He glanced at Chris who followed in behind Jill.

"This is . . ." He said to him.

"Yeah." Chris agreed.

They led her down the hall, Terry with one arm around her, feeling a strong desire to protect her and keep her safe. He recognized that protecting Jill was nearly impossible - she was headstrong and stubborn. He led her into the small conference room, and nodded at Chris who leaving the two of them went down the hall to get Wellman. Chris Owen's cringed when he saw that Wellman was talking with Deputy Chief Ryker - a man they'd hoped to avoid.

"Sir, uh, pardon me." He began tentatively. "I was wondering if you could spare a minute."

"There's no news, Owens." Wellman responded tersely. "If you are looking for an update. And I don't need a fifteen minute lecture on what a great officer Sergeant Danko is, and you don't need to remind me about his little girls or his wife." He glanced at Ryker. "I get minute by minute reminders from my boss."

"No sir." He shifted uncomfortably, trying to will away Ryker with telepathy.

"Owens! We've got serious business, spit it out!" Ryker said angrily.

"Mrs. Danko is in the conference room. She was hoping to have a word with you."

"Jill's here?" Ryker asked, immediately alarmed. "She shouldn't be out. There's a billion germs in here. What kind of idiot are you, Owens? You brought her _here?_"

"Deputy Chief, have you ever tried to stop her?" Chris asked with a raised eyebrow. "That's why we put her in the conference room." He turned his attention back to Wellman. "Sir?"

"Sweet Jesus! This is all I need! I've got to look in those damn big eyes of her and tell her that the odds of finding her husband are . . ." He glanced at Ryker. "Alright, come on."

They walked down the hall and Chris held the door open as the two older men stepped into the room where Jill sat waiting. Terry stood across the room from her, and sagged visibly when he saw Ryker step in the doorway.

"Chris!" Jill said reprovingly. "Why did you bring him? He's never going to . . ."

"Well, it's good to see you, too, sweetheart." Ryker said with a grin.

"No, Eddie." She began. "It isn't that . . .oh, hell." She turned to Terry. "Go ahead."

"This is _not_ my idea. I didn't suggest it. I didn't encourage it. I spent the last four hours trying to talk her out of it." Terry began even as Jill protested.

"Terry, this isn't what we said we were going discuss. Stick to the plan." Her frustration obvious.

He sighed and gave her a withering look, "Listen, Jill, I only agreed to this because it was the only way I could get you to calm down! Now, sit back and be quiet! I'll do the talking. That's what _you_ agreed to." His voice was harsh.

"I've got important things, I need to be working on, Webster. You can fight with Mrs. Danko some other time." Wellman said.

"You got important leads you are going after?" Terry asked pointedly. "A suspect to chase down? Evidence that has led to a breakthrough?"

Wellman glanced at Ryker and avoiding Jill's eyes completely, he spoke to her. "Mrs. Danko, we are doing everything, everything possible to find your husband."

"I know that." She said quietly. "But you've got nothing, and you know it. And it's nearly been forty-eight hours, and we all know that with every passing hour, the odds of finding Mike alive go down."

"Jill, you can't . . ." Ryker began.

"Eddie, just listen to Terry. Just _listen_." She said to him. She nodded at Terry.

"You've got no leads, and no hope of any either. But we do know one thing. Borden wants to hurt Mike, and he told Brundi that he would hurt all of _them_. We know he wants to come after Jill which is why we've kept her surrounded." Terry explained.

"We already know this." Wellman said running a hand over his face. When he'd been promoted he had discovered that this particular group of officers were tightly connected; a community of brothers. At first, he had found the whole thing intimidating, but he had come to accept it, but times, like now, it really complicated things.

"What are you suggesting, Webster?" Ryker asked nervously.

"If we want to find Mike," He hesitated, dreading their reaction. "Then we need to let Jill be taken."


	16. Chapter 16

Jill Danko stood at the park down the street from her house trying to look like a woman on a casual walk. The truth was that she was terrified. She knew that she was completely surrounded; that Terry, Chris and Eddie were watching and listening. She was confident that they would do everything in their power to protect her, but the very thought of Lee Borden filled her with absolute terror.

She was also exhausted. She had spent hours arguing first with Terry and Chris when she suggested the entire plan and then with Eddie Ryker, and Lt. Andrew Wellman. She had argued and argued for hours, and then, when they'd finally reluctantly agreed, she'd spent the rest of the day being trained over and over what to do and say. They wired her, and Terry had contacted his buddies at SWAT and had managed to convince them to loan her a high tech tracking device that was still a prototype. They had put it inside her locket - as long as she was wearing the necklace, they would be able to find her.

They'd spent hours coaching her - trying to teach her how to defend herself. Mike had taught her long ago, how to throw a punch and break a hold - a lesson that had quickly dissolved into kissing. The whole time the officers had been teaching her she kept remembering Mike, with his arms around her trying to keep her focused on the move he was trying to teach her, but she kept laughing.

"_No, come on, Baby. This is important." He had told her wrapping his arms around her from behind. "Now, say someone comes up from behind you. All you gotta do is . . ."_

_But she had laughed and laughed. "That tickles!"_

"_Jill, come on! I'm trying to . . ."_

"_Oh, I know what you are trying to do, Danko." She said laughing._

"Mrs. Danko? Mrs Danko?" The officer brought her sharply back to reality. "You want to try that one more time?"

"Yes." She said quietly. "Let's try it again." She took a deep breath and tried to stay focused on what they were trying to teach her, but all the while she was remembering the sound of Mike's deep, rumbly voice, and the way his arms felt wrapped tightly around her.

And now, she stood alone at the park, trying to be ready for whatever came her way. She knew she wasn't truly alone, but all of the undercover police officers, and listening devices, wouldn't change the fact that she was probably about to be face to face with Lee Borden, again.

The nightmares had lasted for months after the whole ordeal. She would wake up shaking and crying, and it would take an hour for her to get calmed down enough to sleep. And when she was finally calm, Mike would lie awake enraged. They had managed to lay it all to rest, after the trial. It was only years later when someone gave Kate a stuffed lamb that played the same nursery rhyme that she'd even thought of it. Fortunately, it had been sent in the mail and was not a baby shower gift that she would have had to smile about and thank someone. She was home alone when she'd opened it. It was just days before Kate's birth and she was already feeling low; tired, fat, awkward. Mike had come home to find her on the back patio, in tears, taking a hammer to the poor, helpless stuffed lamb. The music was _still_ playing, but the sound was as warped as the mind of the man who'd tormented her with it.

She had reached the far edge of the park, and wondered how much longer she'd have to walk before something would happen - or maybe nothing would. Maybe Lee's cellmate had been told to throw them off track, and this was just a useless exercise. Maybe they never meant to come after her. Maybe Mike was already dead. She chewed at the corner of her lower lip, burdened down with more stress than she'd thought possible. She tasted blood and realized that she had bit her lip.

It was then, at the far edge of the park, near the row of oak trees that a man jumped out of a car startling her. He held a gun in his hand.

"Get in." His voice was tight and controlled. He glanced around nervously, but the park had been cleared.

"No." She said anxiously. They had told her not to comply too quickly. It would look suspicious if she just went willing with him.

"Look lady, I don't wanna have to shoot you, but I will. Now get your ass in the damn car."

She moved to the passenger door that he held open for her, and climbed in. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a pair of handcuffs, and quickly cuffed her hands. Her heart was racing, and she had no trouble convincing him that she was terrified and helpless because that was just how she felt. She fought down tears as he climbed in beside her, and hit the gas hard, tearing away from the park. She knew they were listening; knew that they could follow her and find her. She had expected to be taken. She had expected cruelty and possibly violence, but imagining it, and actually being in the middle of it were two horrifically different things.

"_I changed my mind! This is a terrible idea. Save me! Help!" _Her inner voice screamed. Instead she said the words that they had taught her to, to let them know that so far she was alright, "Who are you? Why are you taking me? I'm nobody important!"

"Shut up!" He said angrily. "You just shut your damn mouth. It ain't far, and then you'll understand!"

The houses and trees whizzed past her window, making her dizzy. She tried to slow her breathing and calm herself but it was nearly impossible. Her fear was overpowering. She thought of all the times that Mike had been in life and death situations. He always managed to not only overcome his fear, but to work and solve problems. She had no idea just how difficult that must be, and she felt a regret for the times she'd been unsympathetic or even sharp with him because he was late for dinner, or too tired to join in family activities. She prayed that when they got to their destination, Mike would be there, alive and whole. She prayed that she would have the opportunity to put her newfound understanding to use for years and years to come.

***R***

Listening to Jill be taken was more excruciating that Terry Webster could possibly have imagined. They watched and heard it all unfold, and adrenaline flooded his system. He gripped the sides of the headphones he wore so tightly that his knuckles turned white. He wanted to rip them off his head and throw them. He wanted to climb out of the van they were in, and run on foot after them; after her. He choked down his rage and somehow managed to listen and wait. He turned to look at Eddie Ryker just in time to see his former commander, rip his own headphones off, flinging them to the ground. He then let loose a torrent of curse words, his dark eyes huge with rage. He saw Terry watching him and turned his anger on him, full force.

"Webster, if she so much as suffers a goddam hangnail, I will rip that head off your shoulders. Why the hell couldn't you talk her out of this? I will hold you responsible if anything happens to her! I will hunt you to the end of days, and . . ."

"If they do hurt her," He interrupted, his voice just as angry - just as intense. "You can do whatever you want. It won't matter, I'll wish I was dead anyway."

Ryker froze then, blinking at him. Terry was shocked as tears pooled in the Deputy Chief's eyes. "I'm sorry, Webster." He said softly. "I . . . I . . .I didn't think it'd be this hard to . . . it isn't your fault. We all agreed to . . ."

"They're stopping." The radio crackled. "1061 Orchard Place. There's an empty storefront about four blocks away on Carrington. We can set up a base there." The van pulled away and headed to what would hopefully prove to be the Danko's rescue.

***R***

He dragged her out of the car near a back alley, and led her up the steps of a run down row house. It was such an ordinary neighborhood and not twenty minutes from their own house. She couldn't believe it! He pushed her inside and she found herself blinking in a dark kitchen. All the blinds and windows were closed and the sudden plunging into darkness after the bright light of day, left her half-blind. So it was his voice she heard first, as her vision slowly adjusted.

"Mrs. Danko!" He said laughing. "Long time no see, babydoll!" He stepped closer and she could see his face. His hair was cut short and he was older, but his eyes were the same; dark, menacing, evil. "Looks to me like you seen better days, though." He turned to the man beside her. "She had this river of dark hair! Oh! I tell you! She's still got those damn long, long, legs. Didn't I tell you?"

"She could be a looker I guess. It's hard to look past the hair."

"It's growing back though, ain't it, sweetness? Ah, Officer Danko must be so relieved, yeah?" He laughed.

"Sergeant." She said through gritted teeth.

What's that?" Lee Borden asked leaning close to her.

"Sergeant Danko." She corrected him.

"Oh, he's a big deal now, is he? Have you talked to him recently." He leaned against the filthy kitchen counter, his arms crossed casually across his chest.

"You took him!" She said angrily. "Where is he?"

"Dead, baby!" Lee Borden laughed. "I killed him days ago. Now, it's your turn!" He grinned at her, and then said, "Look at your face! Look at her face Dave!" He laughed.

"She looks pretty upset, Lee." Dave agreed with a wicked grin.

"Now, don't be upset. Could be I'm lying to you just 'cause it is so much fun to mess with ya. We had good times before, remember?"

"I remember that you went to jail. I remember that my husband made sure you got arrested." Her voice was sharp and angry.

"Oh! See! Didn't I tell you we'd have fun?" Lee told his brother. "Hell, I don't mind so much she's nearly bald. God! A spitfire! Well, come on. Let's take her downstairs and see if we can't have ourselves a time." Lee turned and put a hand on her arm. Jill immediately flinched.

"Alright, baby doll, suit yourself. But the stairs to the basement are pretty steep, and your hands are cuffed. If you fall you just might break your neck." He went ahead of her down the stairs with David close behind.

***R***

Lt. Wellman leaned over the table, studying the blueprints in front of him. Around the table were six men, including Chris and Terry.

"Ah, damn it!" Chris said. "No windows, no outside door! Of course! There's only one way in!" He threw his hands in the air in disgust.

Lt. Wellman glanced up at him calmly, "Officer Owens, are you through with your little temper tantrum? We've got some serious planning to do, and I need everyone sharp. You promised me that you could stay on task."

"Yes, sir." Chris said.

"Alright." Wellman nodded. "These are the most current blueprints? Have any modifications been made to the house?"

"No sir - at least none that required permits." Officer Ellison said.

"Well then," Lt. Wellman, rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "We better figure a way in that room, and fast."

***R***

Mike Danko could really only see out of one eye now. His other eye was puffy and nearly swollen shut. _Jill's gonna be mad as hell when I show up . . ._ He thought, and then realized that she probably wasn't going to ever see him again. He was startled by the sound of feet coming down the stairs. He could hear Lee Borden speaking.

". . . everyone together. It will be a beautiful moment - makes me wish I had a camera. Come on now, just around this corner."

Even with his dim field of vision, he could see her. Even if he'd been blind, he'd have known she was there. Everything changed whenever she stepped into any room - it was as if his body had some kind of strange radar set just for her. As though his very molecules rearranged themselves whenever she was near. His heart sank at the sight of her cuffed and trembling, again in the grasp of Lee Borden.

"Oh, Jilly." He said.

"So sweet!" Borden said with a laugh. "Look, Dave, the big, mean police officer who destroyed your life has got tears in his eyes!"

"He's crying?" David Borden asked. He stepped closer to Mike. "I'll be damned! Look at that."

"You alright?" She asked ignoring them both.

"I've had worse days. " He said. "He hurt you?"

"No." She bit her lip, again tasting blood.

"Everythings gonna be okay, Baby. Don't you worry. It's gonna be just fine." He said to her.

"Ain't this the sweetest?" David asked his older brother.

Lee Borden stood beside Jill and draped his arm over his shoulder. She shuddered at his touch, but he held tightly to her arm, keeping her beside him. "She sure held up over time, Danko. Well, the hairs a bit of a disappointment." His hand dangled over her chest. Jill's jaw was locked so tight that her whole face ached from the effort. Her eyes flicked up at Lee Borden's face, and the shine of tears filled her dark eyes. His fingers brushed over her breasts. "Bit of false advertising going on here, huh?" He asked meet Mike Danko's steely gaze. "It ain't nice to trick folks." He said looking down at Jill. He reached into her shirt and pulled out the breast insert that she'd just started wearing last week. He tossed it onto the floor with a laugh, and he and is brother dissolved into laughter as Jill hung her head in shame.

Her humiliation was like a knife in Mike's chest, and he said tearfully, "Hey, sweetheart. Look at me Baby. Don't waste any time looking at him. Look at me. Everything is gonna be alright, Baby." She met his eyes and he was stunned as he watched her squash down her tears. He could see the physical transformation come over her, as she lifted her face to his, straightened her shoulders, and she gave him the briefest of smiles. This was not the same girl Lee Borden had terrorized a decade ago. She was strong as steele and bolstered by his encouragement she turned to Lee Borden, looking him square in the eye.

"You aren't man enough to understand what makes a woman beautiful." She said to him. "You will always be a little boy watching from the outside."

He spun around and faced her then, his hand on her chin, holding her face close to his. "Listen you little, whore, don't you dare talk to me like that! I'm a man, baby doll! And you're gonna find that out pretty quick, and this little boy you call your boyfriend over here, is gonna get to watch!"

She could hear Mike struggling and heard the torrent of cursing that poured out of him. But she remained calm and still looking him straight in the eye said, "You can do whatever you want. I'm handcuffed and you've got that knife, but it won't change anything between Mike and me. And later, after you are dead, we will never think of you at all; not once."

His eyes grew wide and he swung back striking her hard across the face. She braced herself against the blow, expecting it, but being handcuffed it was hard for her to keep her balance and she fell back, landing on her side. Lee Borden stood over her glaring, but she merely met his gaze, her eyes showing not fear, but fury.

Lee stepped back and gave a chuckle. He glanced at his brother, "She grew up. She was just a frightened little girl last time. I like her even more now!" He said and turned toward Mike. "I can see why the breast and the hair don't make a difference. She's fiery which is so hot!"

"You want to hurt her, you aren't hitting the right spot." Dave Borden told his brother from where he leaned against the wall.

"Yeah?" Lee asked.

"Watch her." He rose slowly and walked to where Mike was still tied to the chair. He slowly drew back his fist and crashed it into Mike's already bruised face. As Jill's eyes grew wide with fear and anger, Lee Borden laughed and laughed, as his brother drew back his fist to hit Mike Danko again.

"See, big brother! This is how you break her!" He paused long enough to smile at his brother, who looked up from where he watched as Jill Danko sat sobbing.


	17. Chapter 17

Lt. Wellman was not surprised when Chris Owens volunteered to what looked to be a suicide mission to rescue the Dankos. He had kept a careful eye on Officer Owens since his return from rehab.

"So, how do I know this isn't some stupid attempt to end it all, Owens?" He asked.

"You don't." Chris said quietly. "Look, I care about them. They stood by me during some pretty dark days. And I think it is only fair that I should stand by them. I know how it looks, and it isn't as if it hasn't crossed my mind. Look around you! Everyone has a wife and kids. Me? I live alone in a studio apartment."

"You've got kids." Wellman pointed out.

"That don't talk to me. I've got a son who went out of his way to change his name to disconnect from me." Owens leaned against the back wall and folded his arms against his chest. "You could have Ellison or Roberts go in first, but Robert's wife is pregnant, and Ellison has three kids - all under the age of seven." He raised his eyebrows at his boss. "It seems to me, a bachelor like me is your best choice."

"I'll take it under consideration." Wellman said. "We've got a few more minutes to play with. Be ready."

"Yes, sir." Owens said and with a curt nod, he returned to where the rest of the men were preparing for the operation.

"Trying to pay off his guilt?" Deputy Chief Ryker asked as he walked up to Lt. Wellman.

"I don't know Eddie. You had the job. How do you decide? He's got a point. He's the only single man on the team." Wellman said with a sigh.

"That's pretty persuasive, but I always try to pick the best man for the position. Do you think he can get the job done?" Eddie Ryker asked.

"Yeah, I know he can."

"Well, then it sounds like the decisions already been made." Ryker told him.

"I just wish there was one window or one other door! Damn it! We let her walk right into a cage!" Wellman rubbed the back of his neck.

"We did."

"Well, here's praying these boys can get her out." Wellman said with a nod at Ryker. "Excuse me, Deputy Chief, I've got to speak to my men."

Eddie Ryker nodded at Lt. Wellman and watched as he walked over to the officers who quickly gathered around him. He expected to be anxious, but instead found he felt nothing at all. He was completely numb. Listening in on the exchange between the Borden brothers and the Dankos had completely wiped him out emotionally. He had finally left the room, recognizing that he was no longer there as an officer of the law, but rather a family member waiting anxiously. He knew Terry Webster was still listening in, but he found he couldn't do it any longer. The sound of Jill's terrified voice being comforted by her trapped and helpless husband, had shattered him to his very core. He could endure no more.

***R***

Jill sat against the wall on the ground straight across from where Mike sat tied to a chair. His face was badly bruised and as she looked him, she found herself going through a rundown of his injuries - as though he was a patient just wheeled into emergency. The Borden brothers were have a low-level conversation that seemed to be getting fairly heated which filled her with tremendous worry. If they began to fight with each other, who knew what would happen to them.

"Hey, Babe, know what I was thinking about?" Mike asked her.

"What?" She had been staring at the brothers with wide eyes, and now she shifted her gaze back to Mike's face.

"When we took that trip to Santa Monica. Remember?"

"That was a long time ago." She said still distracted.

"Baby, don't look at them. Me, look at me." He said. "Remember? We rented that little cottage right on the beach, and we sat out watching the sky turn dark."

"I remember." And in spite of their dire situation she found herself smiling at the memory. "That was before kids."

"I have a strong suspicion that trip got us a kid." He grinned at her.

"The second night." She said her eyes focused on him now. "It was the second that we made Kate."

"You knew?" He asked her, surprised.

"Well, if you remember, I was suffering from a pretty severe case of denial with Kate, but yeah. I can't explain it. I knew it." She said to him.

"I remember that when I took you to dinner you were wearing that green dress - the short one. God, you were so damn beautiful! It was all I could do to wait until dinner was over. And then later, we walked along the beach - and at one point you were walking ahead of me and the moonlight was all around you . . ." He shook his head at the memory. "I don't know how I got so lucky, Jill. I don't. You are just so beautiful and so sweet! You could have had any man who looked your way - not some old grump like me."

Neither one of them had noticed that Borden brothers had stopped talking to each other. They were so intent and focused on each other.

"She _was_ beautiful." Lee Borden's voice jarred her back to their cruel reality. "Now, she looks kind of thrashed." He knelt beside her and leaning close, kissed her lips even as she tried to back away from him.

"Get your goddamn hands off of her!" Mike yelled.

"Wasn't my hands." Lee Borden said with a grin. "Although, I'll be putting some hands on her in a minute or two." He glanced up at his brother. "We aren't arguing about anything anymore. You do as you were told, and I'll have a little fun 'til you get back."

"You are a jackass, Lee. You know that! It isn't like this can't wait. You're so damn selfish." David Borden told him angrily.

"Selfish?" Lee Borden rose angrily. "I spent ten years in prison for you! How dare you! You ungrateful, spoiled brat!" He drew back his fist and slammed his brother hard in the jaw. "Now get your ass upstairs and mail that picture. 'Sides, I'll save you some." He looked down at Jill.

"Fine. Whatever you say big brother!" David was still clearly furious. "But when it comes to him! I get to kill him! You promised me that I'd have revenge. I don't care about her. She's too . . .you can have her, but he's mine. You got that Big Brother?"

"I told you already. He's yours." Lee told him.

"Alright, I really think mailing this is you being prideful." He turned to go up the stairs, as his older brother called after him.

"Shut your mouth. I want their girls to have some memories - until later when we find them." Lee grinned as Jill turned white with horror.

"You do whatever you want to me; to us. Leave our girls alone, please." Her voice was tight and angry.

"Jill don't." Her husband said, choked with tears.

"Don't worry sweetness," Lee Borden said to her. "I fully intend to do whatever I want to you but your girls will have to wait their turn." He smiled down at her menacingly. He ran his hand along the line of her cheek and down her chin.

"Please, she had nothing to do with any of this." Mike said. "It is me you are angry with. It was me that testified. I put him in prison. She's been through enough. Please just let her go."

"Uh, uh." Borden said laughing. "Killing you would be too easy, but when I'm finished with you; with her." He glanced at Jill who sat huddled against the wall as far back from him as she could manage. "You'll be begging for me to kill you."


	18. Chapter 18

Terry Webster had left the small room where they'd been listening, and leaned against the wall trying to catch his breath. The storefront that they had been housed in for the last few hours felt small and the air stifling. He slid down the wall until he sat on the ground his head down between his legs trying to keep himself from hyperventilating. Ryker had left a good forty minutes ago unable to bear the sound of Jill and Mike in such anguish. He had remained behind - not wanting to listen but too terrified not to. He wanted to hear what was happening and know for himself that they were still living and breathing. But he had finally reached his breaking point.

His friendship to Mike and to Jill reached back so many years - years filled with births, marriages, deaths - bright days and dark nights. Mike had been next to him, when they had watched Willie breathe his last - his young wife sobbing at his side. Jill had sat up with him, in those dark days when Beth and he had been dating, and she'd broken things off with him. She'd held his hand and told him to hang in there - to apologize and make things right. He had followed her advice and found himself a happily married man just seven months later.

He loved them and to hear them treated so terribly paralyzed him completely. Like Chris, he wanted to be part of their rescue but he wasn't sure he could keep it together any more. And he was certain of one thing; if had the opportunity he would kill Lee Borden with his bare hands.

He understood now, Mike's anguish all those years ago. Then, he had advised him to stay within the law, and follow the rules. It had been close, but at the end of it all Lee Borden had been caught and Jill was safe. Looking back now, though, he realized that maybe Mike should have gone after Borden. Following the rules, led them to where they were now, and Terry couldn't help but think it was his fault.

"Webster!" He looked up at the sharp sound of Lt. Wellman's voice. "You gonna keep it together? It's now or never. We're going."

"Yeah," He said rising slowly. "Yeah, I can deal."

"Get your gear. We're moving in now. You can follow in with the second team." Wellman said calmly as the radio clipped to his shoulder hummed with activity.

"Who's leading the first team?" Terry asked.

"Chris Owens." Wellman said with a raised eyebrow. "They are already in place. Get moving."

***R***

Lee Borden was checking back over Mike Danko's bindings. The anticipation of his revenge was almost better than the actions he was about to take. He knew how infuriated and helpless Danko would be, and he wanted to guarantee that there was no way he could break free. He'd seen the look in the cop's piercing blue eyes, and knew that if a chance presented it, Danko would break his neck.

"You can sit here nice and comfy. You want something to drink?" He asked cheerfully. "I want you to be able to really enjoy the show." As he said it, he was looking Danko dead in the eye, his face close - too close. Mike leaned forward and hit him hard with his head. It threw Lee Borden backward so that he fell against the wall.

"What the hell?" He said rubbing his forehead and already feeling a growing bump. "You bastard! You don't know when to quit, do you?" He rose slowly and reeling back slapped Mike hard across the face. "She's mine, now." He started to lean close to Mike's face again but then thinking better of it, kept his distance. "She's mine." He repeated. "And there's nothing you can do about it."

He reached into his waistband and pulled a pistol out, holding it steady on Mike Danko.

"No!" Jill called out. "You don't have to shoot him. I won't fight you, please! Please!"

"I'm sick of staring at his ugly face. 'Sides, I wanna make sure we won't be interrupted." He glanced over his shoulder at her.

"But you wanted him to watch." She pointed out. "Please, don't shoot him! Please! Now!" She yelled hoping they were still listening. "Now! I want to go home! I want to go home!" She called out the signal they had given her. "Please no! I want to go home!"

"Hey, baby, shhh. Doesn't matter." Mike said calmly. "Everything is gonna be fine. Just close your eyes, Baby. Don't watch." He was crying and kept his eyes on her. He heard the hammer of the gun click, and knew it was over. "I love you, Jill for all . . ." But whatever he was going to say next was swallowed up in the explosion of the bullet leaving the gun.

***R***

When David Borden stepped off the porch and walked down the drive, he had the strangest feeling he was being watched. He felt uneasy about the whole plan, beginning to end. His years in prison had left him fairly hardened, but he wasn't swallowed up in a raging bitterness, as his older brother was. He was simply happy to be out, and when Lee suggested the plan to him, he thought the whole thing seemed like a colossal pain in the ass. He was ready to drink, meet a nice girl with loose morals, and enjoy life in the sunshine.

Now, he was trapped. He knew Lee would never let it go. He was the same way when they were kids. He always finished things through to the end. David wasn't looking forward to a life on the run, but knew that was exactly what was in store for the two of them. The plan was simple - have a little fun, kill them both and head to Mexico. They would hang around there for six months or so, until things died down and then they'd head to Argentina. Only, now Lee was talking about their little girls, and David knew once Lee got a bee in his bonnet - he'd try and drag David into it. He turned the corner by the side gate, and found himself surrounded by cops. He hesitated briefly, weighing the odds of making a run for it, but realized he was pretty much screwed. He felt a tremendous flash of rage, but not toward the cops who surrounded him. _"Son of a bitch!"_ He thought angrily. _"Lee was an idiot!_" Having no other choice, he threw up his hands, and found himself lying face down in the dirt, with an angry cop's boot pressed into his back.

"Let's make the bastard pay!" A cop above him said.

"Shut up and cuff him. We got bigger fish to fry." Another voice said.

"Hey, there Borden." A cop leaned close to his face. "How's your brother?"

"Get him out of here and keep him away from Webster and Ryker, huh? We need him in one piece. Tell first team that they've got one less suspect to deal with."

***R***

Ryker had to listen now. He had seen everyone heading out in their gear. He had met Chris' steely eye with a nod and knew that Chris Owens wasn't going to return without Mike and Jill Danko. He sighed and wished he had retired long ago. Jill was right. This job was completely sucking his life away. He _had_ earned the right to rest and let others serve. Standing here now, trying to maintain some objectivity as Deputy Chief of Police was a tremendous strain. He listened to the conversation and Lee Borden's cruel mocking tone, and horrific threats against Jill, filled him with a rage that he didn't even know he possessed.

He stood next to the young officer who was recording everything being transmitted. He heard that they'd arrested David Borden. He knew that having one man in that basement improved things, but it was still a room with only one entry. It was still walking into a room where a madman held the two people he cared most about at gunpoint.

He heard the gunshot. Heard Jill's cries. And then everything went black.

***R***

Somehow Jill had managed to skid across the floor to where Mike lay on his side, still tied to the chair. He had handcuffed her hands in front of her, and she worked now to staunch the blood that flowed from his left leg. She was desperate to keep pressure on it.

"Mike? Mike! Sweetheart! Stay conscious! Stay with me." She said desperately, even as Lee Borden came toward her. "Mike stay, awake!"

Borden reached down and grabbed her arm, pulling her roughly to her feet.

"I'll be your sweetheart now, babydoll!" He laughed and turning pulled her against him. It was in that precise moment that Chris Owens threw the smoke bomb into the room, and came down the stairs his gun out.

"Drop it, Borden! Let her go!" He said. "You are surrounded by police. Drop it!"

Shocked Borden, spun around and screaming began firing wildly. He kept one arm tight around Jill Danko.

"Drop to the floor, Jill!" Chris screamed. "Get low! Now!"

Without really thinking about it, she used the move Mike had shown her decades ago, and freed herself from Borden's grip. She fell flat. After that everything that happened occurred so quickly that she could never really remember it correctly. Chris flying down the stairs, Borden screaming and firing his gun, falling to the floor, and sliding on her belly and somehow squeezing herself into the small space beneath a cabinet. She could see no more of the room except for feet that seemed to rush and wrestle in front of her. It was loud! It sounded like hundreds of guns firing. She couldn't see Mike, couldn't see Borden, couldn't see anything, as smoke filled the room.

She didn't even realize that she had been screaming until the firing ended and she could hear her own voice but it sounded distant and muffled. It took her a minute to realize it was her own voice and not someone else far away calling out for help. The room was deafeningly quiet then, but she was too terrified to crawl out. Afraid of who would be waiting for her; afraid that she would find Mike and Chris both dead. After a minute she could hear a muffled sound and realized that her hearing had been damaged by the noise of gunfire. She scooted close to the edge and tried to see, and screamed again when she saw a dark eye peering back at her.

"Jill! Jill! It's okay, honey. Come on out!" The voice was muffled as though her ears were stuffed with cotton. She heard a dull ringing that seemed louder than anything else. But after a second she recognized the eye; Terry.

She moved forward slowly, sliding out. Once she'd got partially free, Terry pulled her gently forward.

"Are you hurt?" He asked with wide eyes as he helped her to sitting position.

"Where's Mike?" She asked, scanning the room which she could see was filled with officers.

"He's doing okay. We got his leg wrapped. The ambulance just pulled into the yard." He said. She watched his face trying to understand but only managed the word "okay" and "leg".

"I can't hear." She said to him. She could see Mike now, surrounded by three officers. She could see the rise and fall of his chest even from where she sat with Terry beside her. She scanned the room once more and saw Chris then also surrounded by officers, his chest red with blood.

"Chris!" She shouted and breaking free of Terry, stumbled across the room toward him. She barrelled past two officers who had taken off their shirts, and were trying to stop the flow of blood with them.

"Move!" She commanded. "I'm a nurse! Someone get these goddamn cuffs off of me!" Not waiting for them to help her, she moved the shirts off of Chris' chest, and examined the wound. "Where's the ambulance?" She shouted looking up briefly. "Get these cuffs off of me!" She yelled frustrated. "We need to help him breathe! He needs a trach! Get me a pen or a straw! NOW!"

One officer handed her his pen, while the other worked at her cuffs, as soon as he loosed one hand, she pushed him aside. "I need a knife! Where's the ambulance?"

"They are coming!" An officer shouted close to her ear. "They just got here!"

"We can't wait!" She said reaching for the knife that he handed her. She didn't hesitate, but carefully cut into his throat with expert precision, and then slipped the small tube from the pen she'd dismantled into the hole she created. She leaned close listening to him.

"Did it work?" The same officer shouted in her ear.

"Yes! Where is the ambulance?"

Instead of trying to communicate with her, he turned her head and pointed at the stairs leading into the basement. She could see the EMTs coming into the room then. They immediately turned toward Chris, and pushed her aside.

She sat back then, her legs tucked to the side, the half-opened handcuffs hanging from her wrist. She could see another pair of EMTs surrounding Mike, and exhaled feeling a torrent of tears building up inside. It was only as she turned back to where they worked over Chris that she saw him then.

Lee Borden lay in a bloody heap just to her left. His bright blue eyes were still open, but he was gone. She blinked, shocked at the sight, but felt nothing. Her concern over Chris and Mike far too great to really contemplate him. She turned to look at Chris again and could see him moving, struggling against those who tried to help him.

She scooted close to him, so that she was looking into his face. Seeing her, he froze.

"Jill?" He asked hoarsely.

"I'm alright. Let them help you." She said reaching out and smoothing his forehead with her free hand.

"It was worth it then." He gasped out and then he was swallowed up into darkness.

***R***

She wouldn't let anyone touch her. She had watched as they carried Chris slowly up the stairs and out of the nightmarish dungeon. She turned her attention back to Mike, and could see that he was stirring.

"Jill?" He called out, and even with her badly damaged hearing, she could hear his panic laden voice. "Jill!"

She moved along the floor to him, too exhausted to stand up and walk. She leaned over him and his eyes filled with tears, "Oh! Baby! Are you alright? Did he hurt you?"

She shook her head completely unable to speak.

"Oh, God! I thought . . ." Mike gasped out.

"Sgt. Danko," The EMT said with a gentle hand on Mike's chest. "Lie back. You hit your head really hard, and you've got a pretty nice wound on your leg. Lie back."

"Make sure she's okay." He said with wide eyes. "She just finished chemo about three weeks ago. She's really weak. Make sure she's okay!"

"Lie back!" The EMT said again, pushing a little more firmly now.

"Make sure . . ."

"Mike, lie down." She choked out. "They'll take care of me. Just lie down." She put a hand on his chest too, and meeting her eyes he finally relented and lay back.

"Baby, I'm sorry." He said. "I'm so sorry. He didn't touch you, did he? You are okay?"

She leaned over him, "No, Mike. I'm okay. It's okay now. Just let them take care of you."

He reached out with his hand touched the side of her face, her eyes closed as one tear escaped. She said nothing else then; had no other words. She lay her head down on his chest, and listened to the steady beating of his heart until they moved to carry him out.

An EMT, reached out to touch her shoulder, but she jumped at his light touch.

"I'm sorry." He said. "We can take him up now." He told her. He turned and indicated another EMT behind him, a woman. "This is Anna. She's gonna make sure you are okay."

"I'm fine." She said scooting away. "Let me ride in with him."

"Mrs. Danko, let's just look you over, okay?" Anna said gently.

"I said I'm fine." Jill said firmly. "I'm a nurse. I just have some bruises, cuts, my wrist might be broken, and I think I've got some temporary hearing loss from the noise, but I am fine. Let me ride with my husband."

"Mrs. Danko," Anna began again.

"Please!" Jill begged. "Please, don't make me leave him."

"Get her a stretcher." Anna said to someone behind her.

"I can carry her." She heard a voice say, and was relieved to see Terry step forward and without waiting for an okay from the medical team that crowded the small basement, he scooped her up into his arms. "Come on honey, let's go you back with Mike." He said as he rose and carried her up the stairs.


	19. Chapter 19

It was only after they had wheeled Mike away to surgery to remove the bullet lodged in his leg, that Jill would submit to being examined herself. Even then, she was uncooperative and argumentative, until Liz Conners stepped into the room.

"You want me to sedate you?' Was the first thing her friend said to her.

"No, ma'am." Was Jill's quick response.

"You look like hell, Jill." Liz said then, her eyes filling with tears. She turned to one of the nurses beside her and said gruffly. "Look away, Gloria. I'm gonna hug her and I don't want you telling people I've got a heart." She wrapped her arms around Jill and embraced her. "You scared me to death. You okay?"

"The girls are . . ."

"Beth's with them. They are fine." Liz said, her hands still on Jill's shoulders. "They are fine."

"I can't . . .I . . ." She struggled for words, tears rolling down her cheeks. "It was a pretty crappy day."

"Easy, honey." Liz said rubbing her back. "Let Gloria take care of you, okay? Mike's gonna be fine, you know that, right?"

Jill nodded silently.

"Okay, then, so now we just make sure you are okay. Then you can take care of him, alright?"

"Thank you, Liz." Jill said at last. "Thanks for everything. I'm sorry about the other day. I didn't mean . . ."

"Oh, don't worry about that. I hated me too, just then." She kissed Jill's forehead. "Let Gloria take care of you."

Her wrist _was_ broken and after the x-ray and cast, they argued about admitting her. She was dehydrated and exhausted, and because of her recent round of chemo still frail. They were concerned that she would not rest unless they forced her to. In the end the put her in a double room with Mike - breaking about six hospital policies.

"Trust me," Liz Conners said. "She'll stay put if Mike's here."

His surgery took less time than her examinations, arguments and cast. She found him sleeping peacefully when she was finally taken to their room. It was only then, breathing a deep sigh of relief, that she began to look around for everyone else.

She stepped out into the hallway, and glanced around to find Terry slumped in a chair looking weary and grey. Seeing her, he rose quickly.

"What are you doing walking around?"

"I wanted to . . ."

"Get back in bed!" He sounded furious and Jill's brow furrowed in lines of confusion.

"I was just . . ."

"I'll pick you up and carry you to bed! Turn around and walk!"

Her brown eyes filled with tears, and she slowly turned and walked back to the room. Terry followed behind her. She chewed at the corner of her lip, feeling both hurt and angry. She climbed back into the bed, and was surprised to find Terry, gently tucking the covers around her.

"I'm sorry, Jill." He said softly, not meeting her eyes but staring at his own hands that smoothed the corner of her blanket over and over. "There's so much going on . . . and . . . I need to see you and Mike are okay. I didn't mean to be so . . .I'm sorry."

She caught his hand in hers and squeezed his fingers.

"Hey, it's okay." She tried to meet his eyes, but he kept his head down. "Tell me about Chris."

He shook his head. "I don't know. He's in surgery and it is pretty bad. He got hit twice. You saw." He met her eyes.

"I did."

She still held his hand and could feel that he was trembling, she felt guilty that Beth was with her children, rather than here with her husband. She was surprised that Terry felt so strongly about Chris. They'd hadn't been close, especially after Chris and Megan split. She glanced around, a sudden sinking feeling settling in her chest.

"Where's Eddie?" Her voice was small and hesitant, as she realized that since they'd been brought in to the hospital she hadn't seen him, not once.

Terry looked up at her then, and her eyes grew wide as she could see tears in his eyes. She could feel her blood pressure rise and her heart race increase.

"Terry?"

"Listen, honey, why don't you just . . ." He stalled.

"No. Tell me."

He glanced over at where Mike lay still asleep. "I wish he was . . ." He sighed looking back at her and meeting her eyes. "He's in surgery, too." He said at long last.

"Why?" She whispered.

"They said it . . ." The tears escaped now, and two rolled down his face. "I'm so sorry, Jill, but they said it was a heart attack and they don't know if . . ."

Her eyes filled with tears and she turned her face away from him. He stood where he was holding her hand in one of his and gently rubbing her shoulder with his other, as he listened to her sobs. Finally, she turned and faced him.

"Lee Borden is dead?" She asked and the anger in her voice stunned him.

"Yes, Chris shot him."

"I _hate_ him." She said bitterly. "I _hate_ him. I hope he rots in hell."

He'd never heard her talk like that. Never. Her compassion had always impressed him. He had supposed it was what made her a good nurse; she had an innate ability to consider what other people were thinking and feeling. It was what made her a good friend. He had been shocked in those days after they'd pulled her out of that abandoned boxcar, to see her compassion toward Winfield, who had kidnapped her and shot Mike. He had finally asked her about it.

"_I don't know, Terry. Maybe I'm still just exhausted and mixed up." She had told him. Which was entirely possible. She wouldn't leave Mike's side._

"_But he . . ."_

"_I know what he did." She said calmly. "I was there, and if I think of it . . ." Her voice became choked with tears and he reached out and put a steadying arm around her._

"_Never mind." He said quickly. "I'm sorry. You don't need to explain anything. Don't be upset." He kissed her forehead. _

"_I'm okay." She said swallowing down tears. "I can start to cry over just about anything. It's residual stress, I guess. I didn't cry until you found me."_

_He nodded his head, clearly able to picture her that way; terrified and yet stoic. She was impressively strong. In the years he'd known her, he had come to the conclusion that Jill Danko was tougher than all of the SC police force put together._

"_I guess," She hesitated clearly trying to find a way to express it to him. "I guess, I just feel sorry for him. He's made bad choices, but it wasn't like anyone ever stepped in and cared enough to stop him. He was just, I don't know, pathetic really. I mean, don't get me wrong, I was completely terrified that he would kill me, and he planned on having me killed, but I felt sorry for him just the same."_

_Terry had blinked rapidly trying to absorb this, and thinking, at the time, that he would never, ever find a woman as good as her; thinking for the ten thousandth time that Michael Danko was pretty damn lucky. _

"Why don't you lie back and rest?" He said to her now. "I'll stay right here, and wake you if there's any news."

"You should go home to Beth." She said. "She needs to feel your arms around her."

"I talked to her earlier. She's okay." He said.

"She was lying to you." Jill said with a raised eyebrow.

"Amanda's on her way to the lake house. Beth will come here later."

"She'll hop in that car and push the pedal to the floor all the way here." She said turning to look at him. "Have someone send a car to pick her up. Trust me, I know about this."

"I wasn't even really in danger. I was on the second team. I told her that."

"Terry, you ever been a cop's wife?" She asked him. He shook his head. "I've been one for nearly seventeen years, so just trust me. She hasn't slept. She hasn't eaten. She hasn't done anything but think about your hand in hers, and how she's gonna raise your babies without you."

He met her eye saying nothing. He couldn't imagine the life of a police officer's wife. He had told Mike the truth when he had said that he had left active duty for a life of teaching at the academy because it all became too much for him, but that wasn't all of his reason. It had been impossible to ignore the fear in Beth's eyes.

One of the last, and worst days had involved a stand-off with a deranged father. He had been first on the scene and found himself in a room with a four year old girl, and her clearly insane father. He had tried desperately to talk the man into releasing her, but he'd been convinced that the child would be better off dead than with his ex-wife. After seventeen hours, of pleading and begging, the man had seemed to calm and relent. He handed the little girl a cup of water, which she eagerly drank saying a soft, "Thank you, Daddy." He had smiled a strange smile, and then turned and shot himself; his blood splattering both Terry and the little girl. He had lifted the sobbing child into his arms, and she clung to him briefly but then began to convulse. She died a few minutes later in his arms while the sound of sirens rang in his ears. It was later that they had discovered her father had poisoned her, and done it right in front of Terry.

He hated waited with her small body until the coroner came, made his report and then stood dazed in the middle of the station, which buzzed with activity all around him. They had sent him home then. He stood blinking for five minutes at Lt. Peters, who was in charge at the time, and then wordlessly had turned to leave. He was walking out the doors of the station house, when Mike caught up to him and grabbed him by the arm.

"_You gotta change, brother." He said gently._

"_What?" Terry had asked still dazed._

"_Your uniform. You are covered in . . . you can't go home to Beth like that."_

_He glanced down, confused. "But she must be worried. I should . . ."_

"_Jill's with her. I called her and she's staying with her until you get there." Terry looked up at Mike numbly. "Come on, Terry. You can take a shower and change. Beth would . . . you can't do that to her."_

_He pulled him along down the hall and back into the locker room. Terry found that he couldn't really function; just stood there dumbly. He was glad to see that the locker room was relatively empty, because Mike began to unbutton his shirt for him._

"_Let's get this off." He said as though Terry were a small child, and he had complied like a small child, sliding his arms out of his blood-stained shirt. Mike tried to take it from him, but Terry held it in his hands studying it. He finally tossed aside and looking at Mike said softly, "The things we do to our women." His voice held deep pain, and Mike's face grew dark, knowing just what Terry meant; it was the burden of all married officers._

"_Yeah," Mike said gruffly. "The things we do to our women."_

Looking back on it, Terry realized that it was that moment that he'd decided to teach. He couldn't do it anymore. Couldn't work his way through the violent end of another small child; couldn't say to his wife, 'Don't worry! I'll be home for dinner!', couldn't rush into a situation that might or might not leave his sweet wife alone to raise their children.

He looked down at Jill now, who lay in a hospital bed, weeping. The only reason she lay there now was _because_ of Mike's career choice. She would never had encountered Lee Borden, if it wasn't for Mike. Chris wouldn't be in surgery and Ryker would probably be puttering around his workshop right now if Mike had been a dentist.

"The girls are okay, though?" She asked for the thousandth time since they'd been brought to the hospital. "They know we are all right?"

"Yeah, honey. They are fine." He said again.

"They don't know about Eddie, do they?" She asked, her voice swallowed up in tears. She sat up, clearly distressed at the thought of the girls knowing that their beloved Grandfather was ill.

"No."

"Kate will worry and then try and read everything she can get her hands on." She said turning to face him again. She turned and looked at Mike. "I wish he would . . . never, mind what I said before Terry. I'm entirely too selfish to send you home." She held her arms open and he pulled her into a tight embrace.

"It's okay." He said softly into her ear. "Ryker's tough. You know anyone tougher than that man? He'll pull through. Chris will too. You'll see." She shook with sobs and he couldn't really console her, but then what man can comfort a woman whose world has been shattered into a million pieces?

_The things we do to our women_. He thought again and he held her close until exhaustion finally won out and she slept, plagued by dark dreams.

***R***

Lee Borden's body lay in the morgue of Memorial hospital just three floors underneath where Mike and Jill Danko slept. The second floor held Eddie Ryker and Chris Owens, both surrounded with a team of specialists who were determined to keep them alive. The rooms buzzed with monitors that beeped and voices that directed one another to repair their badly damaged bodies.

Across town, the three Danko girls sat at a dinner table with Beth Webster who chewed at the corner of her lip as she tried to keep up with the girls' conversation. She absently spooned more food into her daughter's mouth, while glancing down at her young son, who bore her husband's best friend's name; a man who had just been shot. She ran a hand over her stomach where her tiny baby slept, growing every minute until finally it would open it's eyes to the light of day for the first time. She wondered how many faces this baby would see. Would Webster number three ever meet Chris whose dark burdens seemed to fade when smiling down at a small child or would it know the sweet sound of Eddie Ryker's laughter as he leaned in close and said, "Hello, there!" She let a long sigh escape her, and was surprised to see Kate Danko, had climbed out of her chair and was leaning against her.

"Kate?" She asked.

"You look sad, Aunt Beth." Kate said softly.

"Oh, I'm alright. I'm just so happy that your Daddy and Mommy are fine. We can go see them tomorrow."

"I know." Kate said softly. "Auntie Beth, do you believe in dreams?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you believe that dreams are true?" Kate asked.

"Sometimes. Did you have a bad dream?" She reached out and ran a hand through Kate's long hair.

"No. I had a good one. Uncle Willie was there, and we walked along a river together. He held my hand and called me LJ - he used to call me that. He said I was just like Mommy, and called me Little Jill." She smiled thinking of it. "Anyway, in the dream we walked together and then he said, 'Don't worry, everything is going to be alright.' And then he smiled and I woke up."

"That's a good dream, honey. Your Uncle Terry dreams about him too, sometimes."

"But it is true. Daddy and Mommy are alright." Kate said smiling. "So, you don't have to be sad."

"I guess you are right. Go on and finish your dinner, honey." Beth said and rose to get some more milk for Amy, knowing that she couldn't hide the anguished look on her face from Kate, who believed that there was nothing left to fear - not knowing that at that exact moment the monitor that kept track of her Grandfather's heart completely flat-lined.


	20. Chapter 20

Mike Danko lifted his eyes to where the water met the shore, and smiled seeing a familiar face. He ran to meet the lone figure standing at the shore's edge.

"Long time, no see."

"Yeah, man. What are you doing?" Mike asked.

"Waiting for you, I guess."

"When's the last time you and me, had a day off at the same time, without any other responsibilities?" Mike asked.

"I can't remember. And I'm sure there's something we should be doing."

"The wives would certainly argue that." Mike said with a chuckle as he fell into step as they walked along the water's edge.

"It won't come back."

"What?"

"The cancer. It won't come back."

Mike turned his gaze toward his friend, rather than the horizon. "But you can't know about that. That happened after . . ."

"I'm just telling you. You have some rough days ahead. She does, too, but you don't need to worry about this."

"But . . ."

"And you are going to have to forgive Terry. It wasn't him. You remember how stubborn she is. Remember that. Remember the time she wanted those lamps."

"Willie . . ." Mike began.

"I told you, I really hate that name." Willie said laughing. "I miss you Mike. Be sweet to Jill, huh? But I guess I don't have to tell you that." He turned to continue down the endless stretch of beach.

"Willie, wait!" Mike called desperately.

"Wake up now. Jill's crying. Wake up!" Willie's voiced changed and morphed into the familiar sound of Jill crying softly.

He opened his eyes to discover he was in a dim and unfamiliar room. He was instantly hit with pain - a deep pain of searing loss and the physical pain of his leg. He scanned the room and saw her then, huddled in a chair.

"Babe?" He said weakly. She sprang up immediately, and wiped at her face with her right hand. His eyes widened in shock to see that her left arm was in a cast.

"You got hurt?" He said hoarsely.

"I'm fine. Hush, now. Drink this." She handed him a cup of water. He sipped the cold water and it tasted so good that it made him smile briefly, in spite of everything..

"Thank you, sweetheart. That was so good." He smiled at her. "Is it just the wrist?" He asked as she turned and set the cup of water down.

"That and some bruises. It's nothing to worry about. How's your pain?"

He shook his head at her. "That's my line, Baby. What the hell happened? How did he find you?"

"Mike, we can talk about everything later. Just sit back and rest, okay." She sat down beside him, and lifted his hand to her lips, kissing his fingers.

"I'm sorry." He said gently. "You must have been so . . .I'm really sorry, Babe."

She looked at him with tears in her eyes. "Right now, I'm really grateful that you are alive, but later, I'm gonna be mad as hell at you."

"That seems fair." He said running his hand along her cheek. "I love you."

"I love you, too." She said leaning in and kissing his lips.

***R***

Chris Owens opened his eyes, and was stunned to see his ex-wife sitting in a chair beside his bed.

"Megs?" He managed weakly.

"Hey! You woke up! I was beginning to think. No, don't even try to lift your head." She moved and sat on the bed beside him.

"I thought I . . . was dead."

"You were for about twenty-four seconds. At least, that's what they said. I won't lie to you, you are in pretty rough shape still. You must feel terrible."

"Can't feel anything."

"I guess that's all the drugs. Jill said that . . ."

"Okay?" He found it very difficult to stay focused.

"Yeah. They are fine. You saved them. Jill and Mike are fine." She said gently. "Don't try to talk, okay. You just rest."

"Why . . . did . . .you . . ."

"You never took me off your emergency contact list. They called me and . . . I don't know. I still care about you Chris. I wouldn't want you dead. That was a stupid thing you did. You were crazy rushing in like that!"

"It was . . . better." He could only manage a whisper now.

"What?" She leaned in closer to him.

"Better die . . . doing. . . something . . .right . . . won't . . . be . . . ashamed."

"You don't have to be ashamed, Chris. You . . ." She found she couldn't speak too overcome with emotion.

"Not . . .me, . . . you."

"Chris, just rest, okay. We can talk about it later." She said trying to sooth him, and trying to keep herself calm.

"Be a . . . man . . . you . . . could . . . be proud . . of. Worthy . . . of . . .you."

Her eyes filled with bright tears, as she understood. "You just rest, okay." She said in a voice tight and choked with tears. "We can talk later, alright? I'll be here, Chris. I won't leave."

"Thanks, Meg." And then he was asleep again.

***R***

The next time, Mike Danko opened his eyes, Terry Webster was sitting in the chair beside the bed.

"When I fell asleep there was a beautiful girl sleeping right there. What did you do with her?" He asked.

"Michael!" Terry rose up and stood beside his bed. He reached out and squeezed Mike's shoulder. "She probably left because you look pretty ugly right now."

"She probably saw you and ran off. I know you think you are good-looking but brother, you are one scruffy dude."

"How you feeling, man?" Terry asked.

"Like hell. The leg's not so bad. Million dollar shot they say. Right through the muscle - completely missed the bone. Turns out he was a pretty crappy shot." He gave Terry a weak grin.

"Not academy trained."

"Thank God for that." He sighed. "How's Chris?" He asked.

"Still touch and go. He's in pretty bad shape. He would've died, but Jill got him breathing. He wouldn't have made it if she hadn't acted so fast."

"Toughest girl, I know." Mike studied Terry's face. "What aren't you telling me?"

"About forty things." He sighed, and wiped a hand over his face, feeling the stress. He knew Mike was going to be upset. He was probably gonna want to kill him.

"So, talk, man. I can take it."

"Ryker's not so good either. We were listening in." He met Mike's eye fearfully. "We could hear Borden talking."

"Not so good . . ." Mike began confused. "What . . ."

"Heart attack. They did a triple bypass. He's in ICU."

"Does Jill know?"

"That's where she is. She took it kind of hard, but wanted to wait until you were . . ."

"Listening in?" Mike interrupted. "Wait! How would you be able to . . ." He turned his bright, blue eyes on Terry. "What the hell, man? You son of a bitch! You sent her in there!" He threw the covers back and leaned forward to lunge at Terry.

"No man! No! She came to me! We couldn't find you, but we knew it was Borden. _She_ knew it was Borden and knew he wanted to go after her. It was her! I tried. . . damn it, Mike! She was so determined!"

"So, you tell her no and tell her to shut up! You lock her in a goddam closet if you have to! She could've been killed! He put his hands on her! You heard him! The things he said to her! The things he wanted to do!" He swung at Terry who didn't even step aside as the blow landed on his shoulder. Leaning on his good leg, Mike threw another punch that hit Terry square in the jaw. Still swinging, Mike fell back into the bed, pain radiating down his leg as alarms began to chime.

The door swung open just then, and Jill, followed by two other nurses, came rushing in. One nurse pulled Terry back and away from Mike, while Jill pushed her husband down back into the bed.

"No! Mike!" She turned toward Terry. "Why? I told you to wait! That _I'd_ tell him! It wasn't his idea, Mike! It was me! I was desperate! And I'm fine. It worked out fine!" Mike didn't meet her eyes but keep his angry gaze locked on Terry's eyes.

"Get the hell out of my room." Mike said stiffly. "I don't want you here; not now - not ever! You bastard!"

"I'm sorry, Mike. I'm sorry." Terry said.

"Terry, wait!" Jill pleaded. "Mike . . ." She turned back to her husband.

"No, Jill. He's right. I never should have . . .I _am_ a bastard. If things had been flipped around and it was me and Beth, he would never . . ."

"I would've protected her like she was my own." Mike's voice was cold and harsh.

"Yeah, I know." Terry looked at the floor. "I'm glad you're okay, man. I am. I'm . . . sorry just sounds stupid now. Don't stress over it, okay Jill? He's right."

With a shake of his head, Terry Webster stepped out of the room, and collapsed in a nearby chair weeping for the loss of yet another good friend.


	21. Chapter 21

Jill Danko hovered just outside of the ICU, waiting for another chance to go in and see Ryker. Her brief visit hadn't really reassured her in any way that he would recover. When the nurses had left the station, she had snuck over and read his file. She'd been horrified to learn that he had flatlined, not once, but _twice_ during surgery. She understood how truly dire his situation was. It was times like this that she _hated_ being a nurse. She longed to be just an ordinary person without any knowledge or understanding; she could remain blissfully hopeful.

Sitting and waiting to see if he would survived reminded her so much of the death of her father. She'd been twelve when he had his heart attack. He hadn't survived the surgery, so he wasn't in the hospital very long, but she did spend several hours sitting in a hard plastic chair waiting.

She was not quite six when her mother had died, and she had a few beautiful memories of her, but her father was never really far from her thoughts. After her mother's death he had been her whole world. She thought of him often - especially since the birth of the girls. How he would have adored his three granddaughters.

Ryker hadn't immediately reminded her of her father. It had taken time for her to see past his gruff exterior, but over time she began to realize that his gruffness wasn't all of his character. He had a gentle, kindness that he kept tucked away and hidden. It was Ryker's tenderness that reminded her of her father. Despite the fact that he looked nothing like her father, who had been lean, tall and long-legged just like Jill, there was something at his core that made her feel like a small child, safe under someone's watchful loving gaze.

Her mother and father hadn't married young. They'd been older when they'd met. At twenty-nine, her mother had been considered an old maid. Her father had been thirty-four. Perhaps their age was the reason that they were both calm and patient with their daughters. Her father had been surprisingly open about his feelings - a modern man born in an age where men hid everything.. She never knew if it was because he was left with two little girls after her mother died, or just his nature. He was warm, loving, and infinitely patient. She could still, even after all these years, remember the feeling of being lifted up into his arms, as he kissed her forehead and told her how much he loved her. He was the first one to call her "Jilly" - actually, he used to call her his little "Jilly Bean". At the time, she'd found the nickname embarrassing, but later after his death she longed for the sound of it; his warm, loving voice whispering, "I love you, Jilly Bean." The very first time Mike had called her "Jilly" she'd burst into tears, leaving him perplexed until she had explained it.

Mike reminded her of her father, his warm eyes, and gentle voice - the very first time she'd gazed into this beautiful, kind blue eyes she felt herself relax as though she were finally home at last. She hadn't realized at first, how similar they were - distracted by her physical attraction to Mike, but over time, she'd come to realize that she'd married a man very similar to her father; loving, faithful, hard-working and kind.

Losing her father had shattered her. She was twelve, Amanda just seventeen. They had been sent to live with their Aunt Lou - their last living relative. She wasn't even their aunt but rather their mother's and at seventy-eight already beginning a rapid decline into constant confusion. And so, instead of being taken care of by her, they adjusted to a life of looking after Aunt Lou - hiding her illness so that they wouldn't be separated. It was such a lonely time - maybe that's why she had continued to date Cleave, overlooking his flaws. It was only when he had tried to hold her back - trying to convince her to forget about nursing school that she finally broke free of him.

Now, she felt like that lost twelve year old girl all over again, sitting in a plastic hospital chair, waiting. She had been so comforted by the presence of Eddie Ryker. He'd held her hand more times than she could count - when Mike had been shot or hurt. It seemed that whenever she was frightened or worried - he would appear, a strong arm around her shoulders. It was like being lifted up into her tall father's arms again.

She remembered vividly handing him Kate for the first time and watching his face change as he looked down into her dark eyes. She remembered his emotional response when they'd explained that they had named her for his beloved wife - lost so long ago. She thought of the first time they'd let him babysit Kate and came home to find him asleep with a peacefully sleeping Kate in his arms - looking so content and comfortable. The sweetness of it - her baby girl secure in the arms of her grandfather. It seemed if she looked back on her life, Ryker was always there, in the background; loving and supportive. She couldn't imagine moving forward without him; wasn't sure she could endure losing her father again.

She glanced at the clock and moved to stand at the doorway leading into ICU. She dutifully put on the mask they were making her wear - to protect her from all the germs. A compromise she had to make so that they would let her in. She waited impatiently until the doors opened for her.

"You really ought to get some rest, Mrs. Danko." The ICU nurse said without looking up.

"I will."

"No, you won't. My supervisor said that after this visit - you need to wait three hours before coming back."

This news explained the lack of eye contact. "But . . ."

"I know, but she's adamant. I don't know how things work upstairs, but around here - the boss' word is law."

"Can I see him now?" She asked angrily.

"Of course."

His skin was so pale that it shocked her every single time. He had wires and tubes everywhere and it pained her to see him looking like this.

"Hi, Eddie." She said softly, brushing away tears that fell. "Mike's awake now. I guess it is good that you can't talk because he's pretty ticked off at both you and Terry. I'm not sure he'll forgive Terry any time soon." She sighed, gently stroking the back of his hand. "I wish you'd wake up. I can't . . ." She cleared her throat. "We love you so much, Eddie. Please, just get better, okay?"

She sat holding his hand, her lips moving in silent prayer, until they told her that she had to leave. She rose then slowly, knowing that they wouldn't let her back for a few hours.

"I'm going now, but just because they are kicking me out for a bit. I'll be back. You hang in there, Eddie. Keep getting stronger." She leaned over and kissed his forehead. "I love you."

***R***

No one was more surprised about his recovery than Chris Owens. He had decided that saving Mike and Jill would be his last redeeming, sacrificial act. He had hoped that at least in death he would - if not undo his past mistakes - at least prove those who had kept their faith in him were not mistaken.

He felt horrible - couldn't breathe without experiencing pain. When he had first awoken, he hadn't felt anything, but now just thirty hours later, he felt worse than he ever had in his life. He'd been shot twice - in the chest and abdomen. There wasn't an inch of him that didn't ache. But more than anything, he felt confused. He didn't know how to move forward. He had expected to be dead already.

He was trying to ignore the pain, and contemplate the future when Terry Webster stepped into the room.

"You're awake!" Terry said with a grin.

"Yep." Chris said. "Imagine my surprise. How are the lovebirds?"

"Better. Although, I recommend staying away from Mike." Terry sighed, a heaviness settling over him.

"He's pissed?" Chris asked.

"That doesn't even begin to describe it." Terry said pulling a chair up next to Chris' bed and sitting down. "He threw me out. He threw me out forever."

"Give it time." Chris said. "You'd be surprised what Mike can forgive." An uneasy silence settled between them, as Terry struggled to hold onto his emotions.

"Did I ever say sorry for all the crap I put you through? I don't remember any more."

"You did."

"Well, I'm sorry still. The farther I get from those days, the more I understand how much damage I did. I'm really sorry, Terry. You covered for me so many times! And I was such a jackass to you!"

"It's the past, man. It's over. 'Sides, I could've done a better job of helping you." Terry sighed.

"You did more than enough. I was too stubborn to ever admit that I wasn't managing it. I was so determined to prove that I could be as good a cop as you and Mike! God! What an idiot!"

"You are a good cop, Chris. It's a hard job." Terry put a hand on Chris' arm.

"No. I just stuffed it all inside. You kept telling me I needed to process it, but I wouldn't listen. I thought it would show that I was weak, you know? I thought it meant I couldn't hack it if I admitted that it bothered me. You were right. I should have listened."

"Everyone thinks that at first - - that they aren't supposed to ever admit it gets to them." He sighed. "And _I'm_ the one who couldn't hack it. I had to get out." Terry rose and stood at the window looking out. "There's so much darkness out there. It can swallow you up, if you let it."

"You were smart, Terry. You got out _before_ it hurt your family." Chris sighed. "I wish like hell, I'd been tough enough to do the same." His eyes filled with tears. "I lost them because of my pride."

"They aren't lost." Terry said turning and facing him. "Megan's sitting out there in that waiting room every chance she gets."

"No. I could never . . .that's over." Chris said sorrowfully.

"How long did you drink?" Terry asked.

"I don't know . . . three years, I guess - maybe four. It's hard to remember when it really started. I denied it for so long. Why?"

"Three years is a long time." Terry said thoughtfully. "Undoing that damage might take a little bit of time." He raised an eyebrow and continued hopefully, "But a good woman might be worth the time it takes."

"Terry . . . don't. I can't manage false hope."

"You don't think Megan's a good woman?" Terry asked him.

Chris shook his head, laughing. "You are relentless, Webster! You and Danko are a couple of hopeless romantics!"

"We are men in love with our wives. We just want the same for you and for her. She deserves happiness, don't you think? Even if it takes the rest of your days to make it happen."

"Yeah. I guess, you're right." He sighed, so tired suddenly. "Speaking of things that take time, don't worry Terry, Mike will forgive you."

"I don't know man. I let his wife walk straight in the arms of a madman. You heard what went down in that room." He shook his head. "I don't know if _I_ can forgive me!"

"I don't know much about anything," Chris said. "But I do know this, Jill's a hurricane - you can stop her once she starts and Mike knows that better than any of us. If you had said no, she would've just snuck out on her own - you know that and so will Mike once he really thinks about it. You've been through too much together. He'll forgive you. Trust me, I know about Mike Danko and forgiveness."

"God, I really hope so, man." He sat back down in the chair saying nothing. He sat there a long time just being with Chris as he drifted back to sleep; two friends lost in thoughts of hope.

***R***

"You feeling good enough to fight, yet?" Jill asked.

"Jill, stop it." Mike said wearily from where he sat in his hospital bed. She rose from where she was sitting and stood beside him.

"You need to listen to me, Michael." Her voice held irritation.

"No, I don't, _Jillian_." He rubbed a hand over his face, sighing in frustration and exhaustion. "Listen, we've got enough going on, don't you think? We can fight later."

"No!" She said stubbornly. "You won't really rest until you get this sorted out. Mike, I was going no matter what. I would have climbed out the window."

"I'm not talking about this right now. You don't understand."

"I don't understand? _I don't understand?_" Her voice rose angrily. "No, I wouldn't know what it is like to watch someone you love down to your very core march straight into danger. I don't know what it's like to let them face down the barrel of a gun while you have no choice but to sit back and wait! I have no idea what it is like to feel powerless, and useless while the very heart inside your chest, aches knowing that someone you care about is facing danger. I wouldn't know one damn thing about that!" Her brown eyes grew dark with fury. "Mike! It is over! We did what we had to do! You are alive and I am alive! Let's just be grateful."

"Ah, damn it, Jill!" He said angrily. "It's my job to keep you safe and I screwed it up - just like I did before!"

"How? But not being able to predict what a crazy person was going to do?" She sighed her anger fading. "You believed me then - even when it seemed like I was crazy. You listened and you believed me. I'm the one who was stupid - I knew it wasn't standard procedure to get a phone call like that. I should _never_ have gone - especially without calling the station first. And you did protect me - he didn't hurt me."

"That's not a cast on your wrist? You don't have bruises? You don't wake up crying just like you did back then?" He asked. "You don't understand, Jill. I just . . . I just want you safe - always. It's more important that anything. It's more important than me. I'd rather he kill me and just leave you alone."

"He was _never_ going to leave me alone. You know that, Mike." She took his hand in hers. "And you dying - that would hurt me - it wouldn't be keeping me safe at all."

"We _can't_ talk about this!" Mike's voice rose angrily. "He never, ever should have let you go. Never!"

"Let me go! What am I some helpless woman from the fifties? I'm not a little girl Mike. I do what I want. If it had been the other way around - you would've walked right into that room!"

"I'm a police officer!"

"Well, congratulations!" She said bitterly. "But if you _had_ stormed in there, it wouldn't have been as a cop - it would have been as a husband." She paused allowing him time to process what she was saying.

"Jill, I can't . . ." He sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "The things he said . . .the things he did . . . Baby, I can't just let go of how angry I am."

"Then be angry at Lee Borden! He's the one who said those things. He's the one who did those things! Terry didn't." She sat down beside him. "I understand that we did something you would _never_ have agreed to, but we had no choice. _You _ were too important to _us_; to me. Be pissed off at me!"

He shook his head at her. "I am. Did you think of the girls at all? Jill, they would have been left with no one. You, of all people, know how hard that is."

"I thought of them standing beside the grave of their father wondering why someone didn't do something to save him. And I thought further down the road, Borden wouldn't have stopped at killing you - he would have come after me! They would've been alone either way."

"I am too tired for this." He said completely exasperated. "Let's leave it alone."

"Promise me you will at least think about it, Mike."

"Jill, you are pushing me too far."

"Who do we have left?" She asked him pointedly.

"What?"

"Who do we have left from the beginning?" She reached out and put a hand on his face so that he was forced to meet her eyes. "Half your graduating class has moved away. The others either quit or died. Willie's gone."

"Hey, Jill," He said gently.

"No," She said her eyes filling with tears. "If Ryker dies . . ." She paused unable to speak.

"Baby, hey, it's gonna be . . ."

"If Eddie dies, Terry will be the only one left who remembers what it was like when it all began . . . the only one who knew us then. He was there the first day. He stayed with me so many times when you were in danger, Mike. He stood by your side through so much. I can't bear any more losses." She looked up at him. "I can't, Mike. I'm not strong enough."

He sighed, and wrapped his arms around her as she sobbed against his shoulder. "Eddie's gonna be fine. He's gonna be alright, Baby. Shhh." He kissed her again and again, trying to calm her and reassure her. "Okay, sweetheart, you win. You're right. I can't promise . . .I'll try, Baby. I'll try and make things right with Terry, okay?"

"I don't want to lose anyone else." She said sobbing still.

"I know, Babe. I know."


	22. Chapter 22

He was with Mary Kate and everything was perfect again. She had her head thrown back in laughter and he could feel her smile; could _feel_ it down to his core. He reached for her holding her close to him and bent low for a kiss. Being close to her; kissing her again after so long was like the Fourth of July - no like Christmas morning and he, a blissful six year old surrounded by presents.

"Mary Kate!" He breathed her name so happy to say it.

"Eddie!" She smiled at him.

"I've missed you so much! Oh, sweetheart! I love you so!"

"I love you, too - I love you for always."

He laughed kissing her again - she used to say that every day as he left for work.

"How is our little girl?" She asked and he felt as though he'd been stabbed.

"I . . . I couldn't . . . She is . . . Oh, Mary Kate, I'm so sorry!" The pain was so intense and he so ashamed. "I gave her to good people."

"I know." Mary Kate's voice was gentle and she rested her head against his shoulder. "_She_ is loved and happy. That's not who I meant, Eddie."

"What?" It was hard to focus; the pain constant.

"You gave our girl to someone with no child, and _you_ were given a girl with no parents. There is balance." Her voice was sweet, steady and calm. She had always been talking to him about balance - especially when he got too involved or his temper got the better of him.

"You know about . . ." He stuttered overcome by emotion and searing pain.

"I'm never far, Eddie. And next time we are together it _will_ be forever but it is too soon, now. You have to go."

"No!" He held her tighter. "Mary Kate! I love you! I don't want to lose you."

"You haven't." She kissed him deeply. "But _our_ girl needs you still; they all do and I," She pointed a finger at the center of his chest. "I am right here." She pushed with her finger and the pain intensified. "I love you, Eddie." She repeated it over and over until he was swallowed up in pain and everything was dark.

***R***

They had been released from the hospital and Jill should have been joyous to be home. The girls vibrated with excitement at seeing their parents and to be altogether at home at last. They were all in Mike and Jill's bedroom. Lizzie was on Jill's lap and Amy and Kate were curled between them. She glanced over at Mike who was absently stroking Kate's hair.

"Mama and I have to talk to you about something." He said softly and Jill's eyes filled immediately with tears.

"The cancer came back?" Kate whispered fearfully.

"No!" Jill said leaning over and kissing Kate. "No, sweetheart." She looked up at Mike gaining strength from his bright, blue eyes. "But Grandpa is in the hospital."

"Grandpa?" Amy asked softly. "Is he alright?"

"Grandpa is very sick. He had a heart attack." Mike explained gently. "They are taking good care of him."

"Will he get better?" Kate asked nestling against her father's chest.

"We have to wait and see." Mike sighed. "But we are praying he gets better and you can too."

"Grandpa?" Lizzie asked and the sound of her sweet, baby voice shattered them both. "He plays dollies with me. I don't want him to be sick."

Mike reached out and held tightly to Jill's hand and looking down at their daughters said firmly, "We are gonna believe that Grandpa will be better soon. He's very strong."

He turned away, too pained to watch his daughters cry over their beloved Grandpa Eddie, and he couldn't possibly meet Jill's eyes. _Please God,_ he prayed silently. _Don't hurt them any more. They've endured so much. Let them have their grandfather, please. We need him._

***R***

"I'll just go to the hospital." Terry shrugged not meeting his wife's eyes.

"No. You drop me and the kids off. You can drive them there." She said adamantly.

"Beth . . ." He began.

"Mike can't drive with that leg and Jill shouldn't. So, you are gonna drop me off."

"They won't want me to be there. You don't understand, Beth."

"Terry, don't be a baby. Mike was furious and he exploded on you, but that was temporary. You two are brothers."

"I don't think that's true any more. I let . . ."

"Let? You boys are so macho! It's ridiculous! Jill was right about that. Jill is a grown woman, Terry, despite those big doe eyes of hers, and you didn't _let_ her do anything. If you had been trapped down in that basement, a company of Marines couldn't stop me from coming to you! So strap on your flak jacket and let's go." She held his keys out to him and turning called out, "Now, MJ! If you can't find it, you aren't bringing it. We are leaving! Daddy is waiting." She smiled at him.

"I love you Elizabeth Anne Webster but I gotta tell you, sometimes you are a real pain in the ass." He leaned forward kissing her.

"I love you too, Terrance." She grinned at him as he grimaced at the sound of his name. "And most of the time you are an even bigger one." He laughed at her refusal to repeat the phrase. Beth never swore - her father was a pastor who was without a doubt the most intimidating man Terry had ever, ever met.

"Are we going?" MJ asked impatiently tugging on Terry's pant leg.

"We're going buster. Do me a favor little man, stick close when we get to Uncle Mike's, Daddy needs back up today."

"You need back up?" MJ asked surprised.

Beth laughed and lifting Jenny, who was sleeping on the couch, opened the door. "You can protect Daddy, MJ. He needs all the help he can get."

***R***

The ride to the hospital was uncomfortably silent. Jill rode up front beside Terry while Mike rode in back his leg stretched out across the seat.

"Thank you, Terry." Jill said quietly. "You and Beth have helped us so much lately."

"You can return the favor when child three makes their arrival. I don't know how will manage. We've had a fair fight up til now. Three tips the scales their way and we are outnumbered." He said nervously avoiding glancing in the rearview mirror, afraid to meet Mike's eyes.

"Jill's got a theory that only people with three kids are really parents." Mike said and Terry could hear the nervousness in Mike's low, gravelly voice.

"It's true. People with one kid - that's not parenting! That's just a cute accessory you can carry around. Two kids - a little more impressive but you've got a one-to-one ratio. It's three kids that earns you your parent badge." Jill said smiling and meeting Mike's eyes in the rearview mirror. "You know it's true, Babe." She winked at him.

"Don't crush him, Baby." Mike said to her. "Webster will learn soon enough."

***R***

They could only go in two at a time, and only for a few minutes every hour. Mike would've held onto Jill's hand as they entered the ICU, but his crutches wouldn't allow it. He hadn't been to see Ryker until now, and was shocked at how pale; how _sick_ the man looked. He glanced at Jill who fussed over Eddie, making adjustments here and there - clearly comfortable with all the medical equipment that surrounded him. He was amazed by her; how smart she was. She was a great nurse - everyone at the hospital always told him that. She had to know and understand so many different things. He couldn't believe all the things she kept straight. When he commented on it she had laughed and confessed she didn't know how he managed all the things he did at work.

"_Me? My job is simple. Chase the bad guys. Protect the innocent." He'd laughed._

"_Mine's simple too," She said joining his laughter. "Don't let people die."_

She leaned over Eddie now, running her hand over his forehead. "Mike's here too, now. They finally let him out of the hospital. So," She hesitated her voice shaky. "You got the whole family here."

Mike crutched closer so that he stood beside Jill. Using Eddie's hospital bed for support, he was able to keep a crutch tucked under his arm and put his arm around Jill, squeezing her shoulders.

"We're here, sir." He said softly. "We're just waiting for you to open those eyes of yours and reprimand us for hanging around doing nothing." He smiled, but felt tears pool in his eyes. "You hurry it up too, my baby girls miss Grandpa." He leaned over so that his chin rested on Jill's shoulder.

They stayed like that, looking down on him and whispering encouragements, until they finally were told to leave. They didn't respond to the first request, but quickly left after the second stern nurse shook a finger at them warning them that they wouldn't be allowed back if they didn't go.

He crutched past the angry nurse, thinking that Jill would never respond to a family like that, but recognizing that his view of Jill might be slightly skewed by his blinding love for her. "We're sorry." He apologized. "It's just difficult."

The cranky nurse softened. "Yes, I understand, but your father needs to rest."

_Father_.

He didn't correct her. They only let family in the ICU for one thing, and it was mostly true anyway.

They had set up a kind of base in the chapel. It wasn't that they were particularly religious, although, Beth had a strong, quiet faith that both he and Jill had come to rely on during Jill's long battle. He knew that Beth and Jill often prayed together, and he had no quarrel with it. His own experience with faith was to be dragged to mass twice a week by his mother and father. They never talked about religion at all other than, "It's time for mass." Mike had found it confusing as a child and wondered why they had to go since they never prayed at home. But Beth had written scriptures on cards and given them to Jill and he found himself reading them and taking comfort in the words penned so long ago. He had one he still kept tucked in his wallet - it spoke of wings filled with healing. It comforted him greatly.

"I'm gonna check on Chris." Jill said kissing his cheek as they reached the dim chapel. "You sit down for a minute. You shouldn't be up on that leg too much."

He was about to say, "I'll go with you." when he saw that Terry was inside the chapel. He sighed.

"You never fight fair, woman." He said to her.

"Nope." She agreed grinning at him. "Go on, Mike." She nudged his shoulder gently, and kissing him one more time, left them alone.

He crutched slowly over to where Terry sat staring at the cross in the front of the chapel. He lowered himself into the pew beside his oldest friend.

"You go see Chris?" He asked.

"Yeah, he's sleeping now." Terry said. "He's holding his own. They are actually starting to talk hopefully now."

"Those over-cautious bastards actually admitting he might live?" Mike said but cringed realizing he'd just cursed in the chapel. He glanced around nervously.

"We're alone." Terry said with a chuckle. "Good thing, Beth's not here!"

"Good thing." Mike agreed.

They sat together and the silence between them filled him with anxiety.

"Mike, look, I can go. I can wait somewhere else. Beth was just so . . ." Mike could hear the fear and grief in his friend's voice.

"Determined woman, huh? Trying to fix things?" Mike shook his head. "I got one of those myself." He glanced at Terry. "Look, I should never have . . ."

"Mike, if you apologize to _me_ . . .I can't take it, okay? Everything you said was true. I shouldn't have let her even talk about being taken. It was probably the stupidest thing I have ever done."

Mike said nothing for a long minute considering. "I don't know, Terry, I've know you a long time. I think you've done lots of stupid things." He grinned at Terry whose eyes' widened in surprise at his friend's generosity and forgiveness. He brushed at tears.

"I'm sorry, Mike. I am really, really sorry."

"I am too." Mike sighed. "I don't know what I would have done if it had been you. Beth would do anything to make sure they found you. And Jill, well she's a force to be reckoned with. She's stubborn as he - heck."

"That's true. Stubborn women." Terry said relaxing at long last.

"You're gonna think this is crazy, but I had a dream about Willie." He glanced at Terry. "We were just talking you know, sitting around shooting the bull. It was like old days. And he told me I was gonna have to forgive you, and remember how stubborn she was."

"I dream about him, too." Terry said softly. "He usually gives me advice - tells me when I've screwed up." He sighed thinking about Willie Gillis, their lost brother. "He told me Jill would get better." He glanced at Mike realizing he'd never told him that.

"He did?"

Terry nodded. "I dreamt it over and over again. The whole time she was sick. He'd tell me not to worry no matter how bad it looked that she would be well again."

Mike relaxed against the pew contemplating this. "He told me it wouldn't come back. Maybe he knows."

"We should ask him about Ryker next time we get the chance." Terry said.

"Yeah. I sure hope . . .I don't think Jill could manage it." He looked away from Terry contemplating the cross. "What would Beth say about all the hard things that have come her way in the last two years? How does the goodness of God fit into Jill losing a second father to a heart attack?"

"You'd have to ask her." Terry said quietly. "I got my own struggles with that sweet wife of yours dancing on the edge of the cliff of death for ten months."

"Still, when she prays, it comforts me." Mike admitted. "I'm glad you married her man. She's a good lady."

"She is." Terry agreed. "You see Megan?"

"Yeah. What do you think?" Mike asked him.

"It would be a lot to forgive." Terry admitted. "But love is pretty damn powerful."

"Damn straight." Mike agreed. "Time will tell."

***R***

Chris was still sleeping when Jill checked on him. She stood beside him checking his vitals and was so intent that it was only as she turned to go that she saw Megan sitting in the chair beside his bed.

"Meg!" She said hugging her.

"I'm so glad to see you looking better." Meg said hugging her tightly. "You looked so awful when they brought you in." She stood beside Jill who wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"I'm so sorry, Megan." Jill said. "If it wasn't for . . ."

"If it wasn't for those two crazy brothers, he wouldn't be here." Megan said stopping Jill. "This has nothing to do with you; not really." She glanced up at Jill. "It has to do with a good man trying to set things right."

Jill nodded and squeezed Megan's shoulders. "He is a good man." She kissed Megan's cheek. "He just lost his way for a bit."

"I don't know what it all means." Megan said wearily. "I know I'm exhausted and everything has been so intense, but I also know . . ."

"You love him." Jill finished as Megan's eyes filled with tears.

"I do." Megan said. "You must think that I'm foolish and weak."

"No. I think you are brave." Jill said with a smile. "Although, I am a little ticked off at you."

"Because I'm willing to consider taking him back?" She asked in a small voice.

"No, because I'm gonna have to admit Mike was right." She sighed. "He believed that Chris was worth trying to save, and now I have to tell him he was right." She smiled at Megan. "I really, really hate doing that."

Megan laughed. "I owe Mike for this. He never gave up. Everyone else did. _I _did."

"You had reason too. You took care of your boys and that was the right thing to do. Besides, I think Chris paid off your debt, and then some."

"I must be out of my mind with exhaustion, I feel so happy just now." Megan said shaking her head. "Now, we just need that grumpy, Deputy Chief to wake up."

Jill nodded unable to speak, her voice choked by tears and anxiety. Megan glanced at her and wrapped both her arms around Jill, pulling her into a hug. "It's okay, Jill. Let go of it for a minute." She whispered and held tightly to her friend as she sobbed while gruff and gentle, Eddie Ryker battled to stay alive.


	23. Chapter 23

He opened his dark eyes to see her there, beside him. He was so relieved to see her there, well and whole. She was alone and he wondered at it, but he didn't imagine that she would be here, calm and quiet if anything had happened to her beloved. He wanted to sit up and talk to her, but he couldn't even turn his head. She looked sad, and it pained him to think she was upset. He tried to speak to her, but something prevented him, and he realized then that he had a tube down his throat.

Her eyes widened and she was beside him rubbing his arm with her soft fingers.

"Eddie! Oh, Eddie! You are awake!" She smiled down into his face, but her big, brown eyes were filled with tears. She kissed his forehead. "Oh! Eddie!"

He wished he could talk to her. He wished he could squeeze her fingers or kiss her cheek. Instead he just looked up into her eyes hoping she understood.

"I was so worried! We love you so! Please, you just keep getting better, okay? Please! You rest now, and let them take care of you. Oh! I am so happy to see you! Don't you worry about anything at all. We are all alright! And we all, love you so! Just get better, okay?" She kissed his forehead again, and then someone pushed her out of the way and he found himself looking at doctors and nurses who hovered around him. He closed his eyes again, tired beyond anything he had ever experienced.

***R***

Mike Danko looked up from where he sat with Terry in the hospital cafeteria. As soon as he saw her, he knew what she was going to say before she spoke. Joy radiated from her and she was all lit up like Christmas. He exhaled so relieved and smiled at her. She threw her arms around him as she sat beside him, kissing his cheek.

"He opened his eyes! He woke up!" She beamed and reached for Terry's hand across the table. "He woke up!"

"Good." Terry grinned back, lifting her hand and kissing her fingers.

Mike leaned over and kissed her, "Thank God for that!" It was only then that she absorbed the fact that the two of them were sitting together.

"You boys alright?" She asked with a grin, her eyes bright with happy tears.

"Hey!" Mike said wrapping an arm around her. "Don't gloat. It isn't very attractive. Besides, Terry here just reminded me how unbelievably stubborn you are."

"Yeah, I got him to focus on your flaws, instead of mine." Terry grinned at her releasing her hand. "How about you eat something, there, slim?"

She shook her head, but he raised an eyebrow at her. "Jill." He admonished with a glance at Mike. "Ice cream?" He asked Mike.

"Syrup - lots of chocolate, but no cherry. She doesn't like 'em. A big pile of whip cream if they got it." Mike told him.

"Be right back, so keep the kissing down to a minimum." He rose. "And _you_," He pointed down at Jill, "Are eating every bite."

"I think I stood a better chance when you were mad at him." She said to her husband.

"You did." He agreed kissing her again. "I'm so happy, Baby. Ryker will pull through, you'll see."

She nodded kissing him back. "And what do you mean stubborn? I'm not stubborn."

He laughed out loud. "Baby! You wrote the book on stubborn!"

"Me? What about you Danko?" She raised an eyebrow at him.

"There you go." Terry said returning and setting a huge bowl of ice cream in front of her. "Every bite." He grinned at her.

"Oh! Good grief! Terry! That's too much."

"Don't be stubborn, Jill. You need to eat." Terry told her and Mike laughed out loud at Terry's choice of words.

"Yeah, Babe, don't be _stubborn_." He hit the last word hard. She glanced at Mike shaking her head and recognizing she was trapped. She lifted her spoon and began to eat.

"Did I ever tell you the lamp story?" Mike said to Terry feeling ridiculously happy just then.

"I don't think so. Does it involve sex?" Terry asked as Jill's eyes grew wide.

"Tragically, no. Just a stubborn brown-eyed girl and an idiot cop."

"Oh, I bet I know the cop!" Terry said laughing.

***R***

It was ten days later that they finally moved him out of ICU. He found himself surrounded by family. They had warned him that he might feel angry and irritable, a common reaction to heart attack, but he found the opposite to be true. He was grateful. But then he figured most heart attacks didn't involve a man who was waiting to see if a deranged kidnapper was going to murder his son, and attack his daughter. He awoke to find them both whole, so happiness seemed appropriate.

The were gathered in his room now, Beth and Terry Webster, and Mike and Jill Danko. Mike had traded his crutches in for a cane, although both Dankos had matching casts on their arms.

"You should get a picture of the two you." Ryker said considering them now. "You look pretty ridiculous with those casts."

"I know." Jill agreed laughing. "We were at the grocery store and the clerk said something about it, and you know what Mike said to her? She shook her head at the memory.

"Babe, come on. It was funny." Mike said to her.

"He told her we were circus performers that had been kicked out for incompetence. He told her that we missed the bar and the trapeze net had broken! He looked straight at her and said we'd been shamed out of the circus." Jill shook her head. "Every time someone asks he makes up a different story."

"My favorite was when I told that old lady we were trying a new dangerous move in bed that went horribly, horribly wrong." He grinned devilishly.

"You see what I have to deal with!" She said.

"I feel your pain, Jill." Beth said laughing.

"Danko, you are nothing but trouble." Ryker told him. "Next time, tell them it was the World Thumb Wrestling Championship and she broke your arm to prevent you from beating her." He said surprising them all.

"Thanks, Eddie." Jill shook a finger at him. "You are lucky you are stuck in that bed."

"Oh, I am aware how lucky." He smiled at her. "Speaking of lucky, what's the word on Chris?"

"They've got him up and walking yesterday. It will be a long road, yet." Mike said. "And how are you feeling, sir?"

"I've felt better." Ryker admitted. "I get tired pretty easy."

"Well, we better go then, and let you rest." Jill told him. "We're smuggling the girls in tomorrow and you are gonna need your strength." She smiled at him and leaned over and kissed his cheek. "You call us if you need anything or get lonesome."

They all turned to go and as she reached the doorway, he said, "Jill?" She glanced at Mike and releasing her hold on his hand, doubled-back to his bedside as the others all left.

"Yes?" She asked standing beside him.

"I just wanted to say . . ." He hesitated unsure and feeling frustrated that even now, after everything, it was hard for him to express his emotions. She smiled understandingly and sat on the edge of his bed.

"I love you too, Eddie." She said smiling and running a hand over his forehead. "I'm so grateful you are alright. You can't know, how grateful."

"It goes both ways, sweetheart." He said at last. "Now, give me a kiss and get out of here. I'm tired."

She laughed and leaned over to kiss him and he finally, at long last, found his courage. "I love you, Jill. You are the sweetest daughter and I am so grateful that Mike joined the force all those years ago."

"Me too." She whispered.


	24. Chapter 24

Epilogue

_Seven months later . . ._

They had all gathered at the lake house. Although Eddie Ryker had been home for nearly two months, it was only now that he really felt up to a party. Of course, he hadn't returned to an empty house. His days of quiet reflection in the house he'd built with Mary Kate were gone - replaced by a pack of Danko girls running around and asking him to play, or to color or be the doll with blond hair. He was blissfully happy and hoped that they would never, ever leave him.

He glanced around the deck. Lizzie, MJ, and little Jenny Webster were contentedly digging in the sandbox he built when Kate was just a toddler. Amy, Kate and Joshua Owens were playing soccer on the stretch of lawn beside the house. He glanced around and saw James - CJ again, standing beside his father and smiling at something Chris said. The sight warmed his heart and he recognized that he wasn't the only man restored to life.

The women were gathered inside no doubt piling the table with food. Mike and Terry stood a few feet apart tossing a football back and forth and talking. Jill appeared in the doorway just then, her soft, wavy black hair reaching almost to the top of her shoulders. She was still too thin, but then she always was. He smiled at her

"Come on everyone! It's ready!" She said and they all filed in, his quiet house filled with chaos as they got children settled and food passed around. They had begun to eat, and he was about to rise and thank them all when Chris Owens beat him to it.

"I've got an announcement." He said rising. He glanced at Megan who smiled at him. "Actually, _we_ have an announcement. Megan and I would like to invite everyone to a little field trip next Thursday afternoon." He grinned at her. "Meet us at the office of the Justice of the Peace at 4 o'clock."

"Oh!" Beth Webster said immediately burst into tears of joy.

"Don't mind her." Terry said putting an arm around his wife's shoulders. "She's nine months pregnant. Yesterday, she burst into tears during a commercial about fabric softener."

Everyone laughed but then Chris continued, "I can't believe she's crazy enough to forgive me, and take me back. It's more than I deserve. I can't believe she's willing to marry me again. And it never, ever would have happened if you hadn't dragged me to that rehab center, Mike." His bright eyes filled with tears. "I owe you everything, you and Jill."

"Well, you nearly died saving our lives, so I think we can call it even." Mike said dismissively. "Congratulations, man." He nodded at Megan. "I still think you can do better, Meg. He's just not that good looking."

She laughed, "Well, we all can't be Terry Webster."

"Hey!" Terry protested as everyone laughed at their notoriously vain friend. "You know they asked me to be on the recruiting brochure - _twice_."

Ryker sat back then, relaxed and happy. He remembered those dark days after Mary Kate's death. He had sat at this very table, a bottle of scotch in front of him mourning that it would never, ever be surrounded with generations of family.

Smiling he began softly, "I can't say thank you enough." They all quieted at the sound of his voice. "I feel like Chris or maybe more like one of those people who come door to door talking about being born again. When I laid my Mary Kate to rest, I figured it was all over. I focused on work and not much else. I had friends and they reached out to me, but I couldn't. . ." He sighed glancing around the table. "I couldn't make any connections." He paused remembering those days, that lonely, empty life.

"Then they asked me to head up this new program and I couldn't think of anyone less suited for a job. Officers who cared? Feelings and emotions have never been my strong suit." He paused and rose, standing at the head of the table. "And I thought it was crazy, but it didn't take long for me to see it - the value of it. I've never, ever served with better officers - you were so dedicated. You went at it, heart and soul, and you made a difference - we redefined what a police officer is - and they all take it for granted now. They don't understand how hard fought it was; how radical." He paused thinking of all the changes that had come their way.

"And I didn't understand that when you were recruited to serve, to help and to save - that it was me you were saving." He nodded at them. "I've become a convert, Beth." He smiled at her and she nodded at him tearfully. He surveyed the room his eyes resting briefly on Chris, Terry, Mike and at last settling on Jill, "You saved me, and I, well, I guess, I am born again." He paused swallowing hard and fighting his emotions. "And I wanted to say how thankful I am to all of you."

It was late by the time everyone left, none of them really wanting to separate - happy to be together. The Websters left first, Beth - completely exhausted, and Mike smiled watching as Terry carefully tucked her into the car, remembering those days with Jill waiting for Lizzie to be born. He watched as hand-in-hand, Chris and Megan led their sons out to their car. He felt a happiness to see their family so restored. He went back into the house where Jill had been putting the girls to bed, and found Eddie sitting on the couch reading a book. "She's on the deck." He said looking up at Mike who grinned at him. "Go distract her so she doesn't try to send me to bed like the girls."

"Will do, Sir." He said turning to go out to her.

"Mike?" Eddie asked.

"Yes?"

"I called a contractor last week. They are going to start next week and change that workshop of mine into a little cabin. The girls need more space than being squashed together in one room." He met Mike's eyes. "I hope I didn't . . ." He sighed. "I know you have your own house, but I'm not sure I'm ready to live alone."

Mike laughed. "Last night, I was working on a listing to rent our place." He smiled at Ryker. "You think Jill's gonna willingly leave you?" He grinned. "I hope you are alright with three little girls and a dog permanently, Sir."

"I wouldn't have it any other way, Danko." He nodded at him, and said, "On second thought, I think I will turn in. Good night."

"Good night, Sir."

Mike found her out on the deck looking up at the stars. He slid an arm around her, kissing her cheek. "Happy, Babe?"

"Uh, huh." She said leaning against him. "A good night."

"One of our top ten, I'd say." He smiled and leaned against the railing looking at her. "Eddie is gonna turn his workshop into a cottage for himself. You up for a permanent move, Baby?"

"Oh! Yes!" She clapped her hands joyfully. "You don't mind the commute?"

"I don't if you don't." He said to her. He looked up into her face which was lit up, brighter than moon above them. He loved seeing her happy; it filled him with contentment, peace and joy. A gentle breeze blew and a strand of hair blew in front of her eyes, he reached out and brushed it aside with his fingers - a move so old, so familiar and so intimate. She smiled up at him recognizing it.

His eyes welled with tears, and he knew in just a few seconds he would dissolve into a storm of tears, so thankful, and grateful that he could still wrap his arms around her; that she was still here. She would hold him close as he sobbed whispering words of love that only the two of them knew, and later their bodies intertwined his heart would fall into its natural rhythm matched perfectly with hers, and after, even asleep, he would dream of her.

He turned to her now, as the tears began to fall and said softly, "Everything is alright, now."

"Everything is perfect." She said wrapping her arms around him, and pulling him close as he began to weep with tears of joy.


End file.
